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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 06-20-2014, 11:46 PM
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Yes unfortunately for some of us divorce is not the end but rather the beginning of lengthy litigation.

So if you don't have 'children of the marriage' (children who are financially dependant upon you) can't you speed up the settlement process? You can look into binding arbitration. Depending upon the province you are in it can be a whole lot quicker and less expensive. Lawyers don't like to recommend it because it ends their steady flow of income. Do you have a lawyer or are you self-represented?

With binding arbitration you both have to agree to accept the arbitrator's decision as final and binding. It's like a mini-trial only there are no witnesses and no transcripts (making an appeal almost unheard of unless there is an error in law).

You have to be ready for this though. If you are still in the mind-set of trying to prove you're right and she's wrong then the process likely won't work. Some people seem to need to go through the whole lengthy process of trial. If you go that route you can kiss away a minimum of 50,000.00 - 60,000.00. Then the 30,000.00 she is asking for doesn't sound too bad.

It sounds like this marriage has cost you a lot already in terms of losing a few government jobs and all the stressful criminal court attendances.

You may feel most certainly that she isn't entitled to the 30k but is it worth it to fight this thing out for another 4 years just to prove your point? Sometimes 'shut up' money isn't such a bad thing. Would it be considered lump sum spousal support or what?
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Old 06-21-2014, 12:51 AM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
You may feel most certainly that she isn't entitled to the 30k but is it worth it to fight this thing out for another 4 years just to prove your point? Sometimes 'shut up' money isn't such a bad thing. Would it be considered lump sum spousal support or what?
Sorry, while your advice is sage I will not give any further. My offer was fair to both of us and she rejected it. I am already out, by a very conservative estimate, close to 60k I am not going to give anymore.

Right now I am self-represented so it isn't costing me much more than time and the gas to drive to court. 30k? It could be $300 I don't have it. Because of the loss of employment I have been forced to return to school and am currently living on $200/week.

I have offered mediation, she rejected it. I negotiated with her lawyer, she rejected it. It has reached the point where I will not be pushed any further. I don't like litigation, I hate going through this and I have been willing all along to settle this but I refuse to be taken advantage of any further. So, this is my line in the sand and if she can't see that accepting it is in her own best interests it is not my responsibility to fix it. This is a situation of her making, not mine.
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Old 06-21-2014, 01:19 AM
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You sound very righteous....you want to settle, as long as it's on your terms.
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Old 06-21-2014, 08:43 AM
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I totally understand your position.

Know that as long as there is a way for her lawyer to be paid (equity in your home) that she will likely be discouraged to settle with you. Some high conflict people simply take the stance that they would prefer to see the money go to their lawyer than their ex.

In the end the lawyer gets the money and the two of you are left with little or nothing. Hope this isn't the case for you.
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Old 06-21-2014, 09:12 AM
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You sound very righteous....you want to settle, as long as it's on your terms.
Just out of curiosity Serene, at what point would you consider it a fair and equitable settlement?
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Old 06-21-2014, 09:22 AM
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I would consider a settlement at any and every opportunity.

Fair and equitable are subjective.

If it's a reasonable offer I'd take it. If no reasonable offers are given to you - I'd serve my own reasonable offer. And do that again and again and again until a settlement is arrived at.
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Old 06-21-2014, 09:48 AM
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If it's a reasonable offer I'd take it. If no reasonable offers are given to you - I'd serve my own reasonable offer. And do that again and again and again until a settlement is arrived at.
As I said earlier, I made her a fair offer, she rejected it. She has given me every reason to try to take her to the cleaners and yet I have not. However, I have now reached the point where I will give no more. The reality is I don't have much more to give, she has already taken everything away from me.
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Old 06-21-2014, 09:52 AM
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Then go for it. You don't need my blessing or permission.

Honestly, and I say this in hopes to assist you: you're angry and you're right fighting. Neither of which will assist you in resolving your legal matters.

I have nothing else to add but - best of luck.
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