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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #31 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2017, 11:21 AM
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Sorry might have missed it but have you gone to a lawyer for a consult?

Kitchen table agreement and then you moved? Might be best to save your
Money on lawyers and
Move as close to kids as you can.

Next door would be best! But in same school area
And
Neighbourhood
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  #32 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2017, 11:42 AM
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Yes, i have gone to a couple of lawyers that couldn't really help me because i didn't have a copy of my separation agreement (not sure if i ever got it after i signed it and returned it to the ex). My ex wasn't giving me a copy of it for 6 months. I finally got it a couple of weeks ago and now i'm planning to see lawyers again.

Kitchen table agreement was done 4 years ago when i separated. Yes, i moved about a year ago. Until then i lived with my parents (still 30 minutes from the kids' house as i couldn't afford to live on my own and pay support, pay off marital debt, etc).

Re: moving:
The problems are:
1. I can't afford a house in the kids area. Tried and searched. We are currently considering houses in Barrie (about 20 minutes away from the kids mother's house). Barrie allows me to have a home i can afford and be much closer to the kids. Despite my daily commute to work - will have to figure that our later. The industry i work in is not a high paid industry and the jobs options are limited and all in Toronto.
2. Even if i moved next door, i would be under a watchful eye of control of my ex. Nothing would change as she is not willing to let go of anything she hasn't already given me.
3. Barrie means i will be 150 KM away from my daily job with no additional access to the kids. So what does that solve?
4. I NEED to have the current status quo enforced, so there are no arbitrary changes without my consent and control over what i do with the kids. That comes first, otherwise i'm living day to day, week to week not knowing if and when i get the kids, and not being able to make any plans for the kids (or my life in general). i feel, but i may be wrong, that enforced/legal agreement should come before investing into downpayment and mortgage(??). Because once i'm in the downpayment and mortgage mode, i have nothing left for court. And my ex is making it obvious that without a judge, i won't be able to get anything changed from how the situation is now.
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  #33 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2017, 11:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pete360 View Post
"Kitchen table" agreement, signed by both parties and witnessed. So not sure if that constitutes a "no agreement".
5K? Ok, but up to.......????

Children are now Daughter 11 and Son almost 8.
You have a signed agreement. As mentioned by a prior member, you need to file said agreement with the courts. Once filed it effectively becomes a court order. You file the order at the court house where your kids live. I did this myself with my agreement. You do not need a further order or motion UNLESS you want to change a provision in your agreement.

You've called the activities "hobbies", what exactly are the kids doing? If it is stuff like hockey/girl scouts/soccer, those are rightly called extracurricular activities. Whether or not you will be obligated to bring them going forward depends on a number of factors. Did the kids do these activities while you guys were married? If yes, there is the expectation that the kids should continue to participate in the activity as they are the unwilling participants of the divorce and shouldn't have activities suffer for their parents decision. Another factor is status quo, which you've unfortunately carried on. By continuing to bring the kids for so long, you've created a status quo scenario. You are going to have to argue that you can no longer continue, which will likely be an uphill battle.

If the activity is simply a birthday party for a classmate for example, then yeah, it is your discretion whether the kids go. You do have a say in what the kids do during your parenting time, but your issue is that your actions over the years has shown that you are capable and willing, at least grudgingly willing.

But without knowing what the "hobbies" really are, it is hard to give direction.

Also, it is parenting time, not visitation.
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  #34 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2017, 11:49 AM
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If you just want every other weekend access, then stop negotiating, stop posting here, and go to court. You are almost guaranteed to get it. Since you live so far away from the kids, you are almost guaranteed not to get anything more than that.

How did this thread get to be this long? This case is open and shut.

And to answer question possibly from your other thread. If your kitchen table agreement access starts at 6pm, and you are trying to get that kitchen table agreement enforced, then you should probably follow the kitchen table agreement.
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  #35 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2017, 12:26 PM
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Did either of you have independent legal advice when signing his kitchen table agreement? If I remember from one of your posts the agreement doesn't set out access times, more so the old "as mutually agreed on"... if you are going to rely on your kitchen table agreement you need to be clear on what the terms are.

As for activities no you don't have to technically take them but remember in a few years when your oldest is a teenage and gets a job your time with them will be limited because the teenager will want to work and hang out with friends.

For what it's worth, we live 1.5 hours away from my step kids... we signed them up for baseball in our area... once a week we drive and get the kids, take them to their practice or game and drive them back to moms afterwards... that's 3 hours round trip (if not more depending where game is) for them to enjoy 1.5 hours of a game. Come summer this will only be every other week because then they are with us weekend about in the summer, but we do this for the kids. We made the choice to live where we do (jobs helped dictate that) but we do our best not to inconvenience the children. In the winter my step daughter plays a sport usually on Sundays at noon... which means our Sundays are cut short so she can attend the activities in Moms area. Again sucks for us... but the kids are happy and this is what is most important.


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  #36 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2017, 12:50 PM
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Just file an application to court (with a good lawyer).

You were married on x date and lived together.

When you lived together you cared for the child equally.

You separated on X date.

You entered into a separation agreement (Attached as exhibit "A") on Y date.

The other parent is not following the terms of the agreement and is denying you access on Fridays notion to the agreement.

You are seeking a court order for the provisions of the separation agreement with the addition of school pick ups and drop offs.

You are seeking a police assistance clause given the other parents history of denial of access.

You are seeking costs as you have been forced to file an application before the courts to enforce the agreement.
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  #37 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2017, 02:07 PM
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I think the activity is horses/equestrian. Very expensive commitment.
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  #38 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2017, 02:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I think the activity is horses/equestrian. Very expensive commitment.
I can almost gaurantee that you will win if the activity in question is horseback riding. One would think that the kids would much rather be with their dad then on a horse every other Friday. Unless the kids are trying to get into the olympics or something and it's their dreams I don't really think she will stand a chance. You've said the kids don't want to go so I don't think that is the case.

Funny thing, you're kicking a dead horse trying to reason with the other parent.
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