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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 06-20-2017, 09:22 PM
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Why don't you move back to a location closer to your kids?
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Old 06-20-2017, 09:41 PM
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Because I cannot afford to live in that area and provide my kids with a healthy and stable home life.

The point is, wherever i lived, i have the right to decide what I do with my kids while on my time, instead of getting a laundry list of where they need to be picked up and where, dropped off and where, what time to return kid #1 and pick up kid #2, etc, etc, etc. My limited time with them (less than 4 days per week) should be spent bonding and making up for lost time. Not according to the "schedule" i'm expected to obey on any given weekend.

If I had the slightest possibility of getting more time with them, I would move back in a heart beat. When i lived there, the problem was exactly what it is now, yet i had to commute to work 4 hours per day every single day and see them 3 times in 2 weeks. SO - Instead of commuting 4 hours per day x 10 days per 2 weeks to go to work, now i commute 3 hours per day x 3 days per 2 weeks to go see them. And am able to have a life outside of driving 4 hours per day to commute to work.
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Old 06-20-2017, 09:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Why don't you move back to a location closer to your kids?
I have the same question.

As a non-custodial parent, 75k away, your interests are limited. If the custodial parent is currently providing a healthy and stable environment, how do you fit in?

You actually would have a possibility of much more time wth them, if you moved back. Will that change your direction and focus?
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Old 06-20-2017, 09:57 PM
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I just answered that question - if I had a slightest chance of getting my kids more, i would move in a heart beat. But i already know that my ex would never allow that. As a matter of fact, my fiancÚ and I are already looking at realestate to relocate closer to the kids. I didn't get into these particulars as that wasn't the point of this thread. But i hope i answered your questions.
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Old 06-20-2017, 10:00 PM
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you keep using the words "health and stable" - what, specifically do you mean?

Many people commute 2 hrs each way to work, still have a "stable and healthy" life. You just have to get up earlier and go to bed earlier is all.

Your kids are presumably in a stable home living with their mother. They are enrolled in activities which they have enjoyed for a long time. Your decision to move has subjected the children to lengthy car rides (which they didn't have to endure prior to your moving).

I totally understand the desire of not having to drive so much and also the attraction of a new love interest. The thing is, however, these are your personal desires and have no bearing whatsoever on your children.

As children get older they develop new interests. I'd recommend toughing it out right now and do what you have to do (with a positive attitude so children don't feel guilty) to support their interests. If you have a loving and understanding fiance she will encourage you to stay at your mother's place when you are visiting your children so you don't have to be on the road so much. This might also foster relationship between the children and their grandmother.

Perhaps you can consider employment closer to where your children live?
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Old 06-20-2017, 10:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Why don't you move back to a location closer to your kids?
cuz he would be turned into the mother's doormat again. he is at liberty to move (just as is the mother).

being closer to your kids does make shared parenting possible however. I would find a job close to kids and secure 50-50.
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Old 06-20-2017, 10:04 PM
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Originally Posted by pete360 View Post
I just answered that question - if I had a slightest chance of getting my kids more, i would move in a heart beat. But i already know that my ex would never allow that. As a matter of fact, my fiancÚ and I are already looking at realestate to relocate closer to the kids. I didn't get into these particulars as that wasn't the point of this thread. But i hope i answered your questions.

Sometimes these matters end up in court and the court decides if the two parents can't agree to 50/50 custody.

Walk before you run though. Show that you are sincere in wanting to increase your current access by NOT FUCKING UP WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE !
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Old 06-20-2017, 10:09 PM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
. This might also foster relationship between the children and their grandmother.
That wouldn't foster a relationship between the children and their step mother. It's not a bad thing for kids to feel a sense of family at dads on _his_ weekends without having to drive hours to attend activities they don't even enjoy and were probably forced into by their mom.

I am sure father will visit grandmas with his family to foster a relationship. But he shouldn't go living at grandma's to spend his time how his ex wants him to spend it. he has divorced his ex - not that he should have ever been leashed by her.

Last edited by trinton; 06-20-2017 at 10:12 PM.
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Old 06-20-2017, 10:15 PM
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Kids and their interests sound like a huge inconvenience to him.

You have kids and you know they are into something (equestrian, for example). You have to know when you move in with your sweetie 75 km away that a) you have to pay for your kids and their interests and b) you will have to do some serious driving to maintain the old 40% (? - always money-motivated these sorts of things IMO).

You can tough it out for a few years and hope kids will get into something else. Who knows maybe they are just dying to go to Dad's place and sit in front of the TV and play video games all day.
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Old 06-20-2017, 10:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Kids and their interests sound like a huge inconvenience to him.

You have kids and you know they are into something (equestrian, for example). You have to know when you move in with your sweetie 75 km away that a) you have to pay for your kids and their interests and b) you will have to do some serious driving to maintain the old 40% (? - always money-motivated these sorts of things IMO).

You can tough it out for a few years and hope kids will get into something else. Who knows maybe they are just dying to go to Dad's place and sit in front of the TV and play video games all day.
Who even said anything about 40%? Remember the person who brings this magic number is the one who has it as a high priority on their mind.

He already said kids don't enjoy the program. Maybe they are diying to go to dads and spend quality time with his dad and step mom? Maybe step mom is against video games but allows it in moderation ? Where does this whole all day at dads video game thing even come from? Even if it were true, I don't think that it would be as bad as being at moms and getting brain washed all day.

Last edited by trinton; 06-20-2017 at 10:27 PM.
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