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-   -   Kids' hobbies during access time? (http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f3/kids-hobbies-during-access-time-21142/)

pete360 06-20-2017 04:39 PM

Kids' hobbies during access time?
 
In short:
Am i legally required to take my kids to their hobbies during my access/visitation time (every other weekend).

Or, do i have the right to make decisions for my kids while in my care to NOT take them to their regularly scheduled hobbies?

Facts:
- there is nothing about "hobbies" noted in our vague separation/parenting agreement; however it has been "status quo".
- I have moved a year ago (75KM away from where they go to hobbies to be with my fiancé and be 7KM from my place of work). Since then I have been subjecting the kids to 2.5-3 hour rides every other weekend to get them to their hobbies when they're with me every other weekend. OR I have to spend every other weekend at my parents (who live close to their hobbies), subsequently uprooting myself and them every other weekend. This option doesn't create a stable home environment for my kids. And the kids prefer to be at MY home, not my parents.
- Kids do not wish to go any more; there are hours of crying, negotiating and begging to get them ready every other Saturday.

As a result of allowing them to "skip" hobbies on a few occasions, the Ex is now threatening to take away my Friday nights with the kids - if i don't confirm in writing that I will take them to their hobbies. She already refused me access this Friday and says i can pick them up on Saturdays after their hobbies instead.

Any advice would be very much appreciated!

trinton 06-20-2017 05:23 PM

Your ex sounds like my ex again. She tried exact same thing. She is abusing her powers as sole custodial parent and should be barred from it. This is,unfortunately, what _some_ single moms tend to do when they are given powers bigger than their brains. What she is doing here is unreasonable and a judge would rail her for doing this. Some moms try very hard ( and fail miserably) to be creative sometimes.

For me, I refused to follow her demands and did not get the time but is something that is going to be used against her.

To be clear, it is _YOUR_ parenting time and you can do _whatever_ the hell you please (As long as you are not neglecting the kids).

I would just let her know you have made plans with the kids during your weekend time, but be rested assure to lose your Fridays. IF she takes Friday's then you could take her Sundays, and then she will likely cut off access and say you were keeping the kids past their badtime, yadi yadi ya.. And this is why these sole custodial arrangements fail. The mother's get their panties in a bunch and piss all over your time with your kids. It's not right but it's right to them. Afterall, their goal is to control you and jerk you around like a little b1tch, take all your money, and alienate the kids from you. Note: Not all moms do this. There are _normal_ mom's out there. Your ex, unfortunately, is someone who lawyers and judges labels as ridiculous - just like my ex .

You need to file an application to the court and stop trying to reason with a brainless person. It won't work. Trust me - I tried for several years. I have now given up and am just patently awaiting my big day in court.

The other parent telling you what to do on your time would be no different than you telling her to take your kids to dairy queen every Tuesday and Thursday for 30 minutes - and that she won't get the kids on those days unless she takes them to dairy queen.

pete360 06-20-2017 05:35 PM

Thanks again Trinton, i have a feeling we'll become good buddies through this process lol.
Just wondering - is this "a fact" - legally? Or just your opinion? Seems you've gone through this same thing, so is this a result you got out of the court proceedings?

I found this exact thing all over the internet, but the ex is just refusing to allow anything outside of her own personal comfort zone and agenda.

One of the lawyers i have met with said i have enough evidence to go after her to cover all my legal costs - but i'm not sure what the likelihood of that actually happening is or he's just blowing smoke up my....

rockscan 06-20-2017 05:45 PM

Theres a number of iffy things in your case and truly you need to get your agreement on access changed.

The iffy stuff is that you chose to move, agreed to a status quo and havent taken action yet.

However, shes still denying access.

You need to file a motion to change. You can argue that you tried one way and it didnt work and you tried another way and it didnt work. Now you need a set order that gives you the power to file contempt when she refuses access.

trinton 06-20-2017 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockscan (Post 221736)
. Now you need a set order that gives you the power to file contempt when she refuses access.

and that order should have a police assistance clause so you can call the police to enforce the order whenever she tries something like this.

pete360 06-20-2017 06:05 PM

Ok, one more question:
Our separation agreement done 4 years ago was never filed in court. So i have nothing filed to "change". Do I have to file a "new" motion? What is this called and where do I even start?
How long does it take to even get the status quo or new separation agreement enforced? And I don't want to do anything "wrong" during this time, i want to show up in court clean as a whistle. Does this mean until it's all done, i just have to put up with this and take what's given to me, document, and always show up to pick up the kids on time?
Thanks so much everyone! This has brought me a lot of comfort - my fiancé and I have both been spinning for a LONG time now, second guessing everything we're doing, and all this support and affirmation definitely helps, at least mentally.
:)

pete360 06-20-2017 06:09 PM

To clarify, i did do extensive research and found this everywhere:
"A variation is commenced by way of initiating a Motion to Change at the appropriate court. Typically, the court that granted the initial order will be the court that hears the motion to change..."
Problem is that i don't have anything prior to this - there is NO initial order, just a vague "kitchen table" separation agreement.

So what is the proper protocol? I'm not saying i will do it myself, will most definitely search out legal council, i just want to be prepared to what's coming and not go into this completely blind.... Research, research, research...

rockscan 06-20-2017 06:14 PM

Because it involves access, you have to file it in the jurisdiction where the kids are.

If you have that agreement that you both signed you can attach it but because you didnt get advice from counsel you will need to note that.

To be honest, if you didnt get advice from counsel, im not sure if its a motion to change as its not an order.

trinton 06-20-2017 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pete360 (Post 221735)
Thanks again Trinton, i have a feeling we'll become good buddies through this process lol.
Just wondering - is this "a fact" - legally? Or just your opinion? Seems you've gone through this same thing, so is this a result you got out of the court proceedings?

I found this exact thing all over the internet, but the ex is just refusing to allow anything outside of her own personal comfort zone and agenda.

One of the lawyers i have met with said i have enough evidence to go after her to cover all my legal costs - but i'm not sure what the likelihood of that actually happening is or he's just blowing smoke up my....

It is Case law. You could find it on canlii.org.

Quote:

[para10] In the Lewis case, I expressed my views as to the advantages of a joint custody order. One of the common complaints of the access parent in a sole custody regime is that the custodial parent will announce at the last minute that a particular access visit conflicts with other plans made for the child, such as a family visit or a sport activity, and unilaterally decide that the access parent must accept another time “to visit” under the threat of not seeing the child at all. Another is that the access parent will be told that if the childis not returned exactly on time after an access visit, future access will be “cut off”. The threat of being “cut off” access is occasionally leveled at the parent who may be late in making support payments. In such instance, access parents often feel frustrated in their attempt to develop a relationship with their own child. They regard themselves as strangers, on the outside looking in. Resentment may be directed at the courts whom they may feel are the accomplice of the custodial parent, telling them when and where they can see their own child. Often an access parent will give up in frustration, taking on a more limited role in the life of their child, with the resulting loss to the child of the opportunity of developing a relationship with that parent. It is perfectly understandable that a parent, who may have played an important role in the rearing of his or her child, will feel frustrated if the custodial parent is now dictating the terms of access under the constant threat of a contempt application if a term is breached.

trinton 06-20-2017 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pete360 (Post 221739)
To clarify, i did do extensive research and found this everywhere:
"A variation is commenced by way of initiating a Motion to Change at the appropriate court. Typically, the court that granted the initial order will be the court that hears the motion to change..."
Problem is that i don't have anything prior to this - there is NO initial order, just a vague "kitchen table" separation agreement.

So what is the proper protocol? I'm not saying i will do it myself, will most definitely search out legal council, i just want to be prepared to what's coming and not go into this completely blind.... Research, research, research...

You don't have any Final Order. Just a backyard agreement. You need to file a fresh application for custody and access. A motion change would be in the case that you had a final court order and wanted to change it. Just remember that you are legally equally entitled to custody.


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