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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 07-03-2012, 04:04 PM
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...an unreasonable person could not get any more unreasonable.


I brought up some concerns regarding the health of two of my three children with respect to XXXXXX and informed my EX that I would be contacting our family Dr to make an appointment. Here is a redacted quote from my email:

I'm going to be calling Dr. XXXXXX office to make appointments for XXXXXX and XXXXXX. I would like for us to meet with him and see what he suggests as an action plan to address XXXXXX's XXXXXX and XXXXXX's XXXXXX.

My EX asked that I try to make the appointment for a Wednesday morning as she is off at that time OR for another weekday after 4:00 PM. Here is a redacted quote from her email:

I ask that you make the appointment on a Wednesday morning. Should that not be possible I will attend the made appointment, please let me know of the date and time.

I called the Dr's office to request an appointment and was told the earliest was next Monday morning. I accepted the date and time. Monday @ 10:30 AM.

I emailed my EX the appointment information.

I received a call from the receptionist at the Dr's office a short time later informing me that my EX had called to change the appointment to a Wednesday. I didn't want to assume tomorrow (Wednesday) wasn't now an option so I asked if the date/time my EX was requesting was before the already existing appointment I had just made. Upon being informed that it wasn't, I asked that the appointment remain on the Monday. The receptionist specifically mentioned that she was being put in a difficult situation.

I sent my EX an email requesting that she not undermine my parenting rights to seek medical services for my children and that she refrain from creating unnecessary conflict.

My EX replied with an email claiming that past practice has seen her as the one making all appointments. [This is not true and I have proof. There have been appointments made by her and appointments made by me. She has attended appointments by herself with the children, I have attended appointments by myself with the children, and we have attended appointments together with the children.]

Anyway, my EX informed me in the email that she made an appointment for the children for the Tuesday immediately following the already existing Monday appointment. The time? 3:30 PM

So now the same two children have appointments for Monday at 10:30 AM and for Tuesday at 3:30 PM.


How on earth is one expected to deal with such a controlling and unreasonable person who continually makes her interests a priority over the children's best interests?

NOTE:
Issue before the court are:
- Child Custody and Access
- Child Support
- Child Support Arrears

Both parties were equal caregivers until my EX unilaterally decided to remove the children from their home based on false allegations of domestic abuse and child abuse (claiming they were a witness to domestic violence). CAS investigated and left a message on my phone (exactly 1 month to the day after she left) stating that "this was not a matter that CAS needed to be involved in."

EX has limited the children's right to access to their father from Day 1.

I can demonstrate a complete unwillingness to negotiate or compromise on EX's part. I have examples of her denying the 50/50 shared residency I have been asking for since day 1. I have evidence to show her lying and misleading the court in sworn affidavits and examples of her lawyer misleading the court and attempting to manipulate a Judge's endorsement.

AND THERE"S MORE!

Anyway, enough is enough! I do not believe my EX nor her lawyer are acting in the best interests of my children and I would like it to stop but I am not sure how to go about it without jeopardizing any future decisions the court will most likely have to make.

A Trial Conference is set for September and a Trial is set for December.


Please, any help or advice would be greatly appreciated!


I can't imagine how any Judge would find her unreasonableness acceptable and in the best interests of anyone but her, but there are so many Family Court horror stories out there that it's frankly quite terrifying.

THANK YOU!
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 07-03-2012, 04:13 PM
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I have considered contacting CAS again or OCL but I do not want my children being exposed to any more conflict than they have already been exposed to. Also, I have read many CAS and OCL horror stories.

I have also considered contacting a Justice of the Peace or the police regarding the lies on her affidavits, but again, I do not want my children being exposed to any more conflict than they have been. I don't know what actions a JP or the police would undertake should I convince them that a crime had taken place and bringing up such an issue when I don't even know what outcome I would want seems vindictive at this point. Not that I would expect them to arrest her, but I have read that this has happened. I do not believe it would be in the best interests of my children for their mother to be arrested.
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Old 07-03-2012, 04:46 PM
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Lesson you should take away from this experience:

STOP showing your cards ahead of time. Make the bloody appointment for YOUR time, take the kids, and inform the ex of the findings AFTER the fact. Assuming anything comes of it.

If SHE wishes additional information, then SHE can book a followup appointment with the family doctor on HER time.

You CANNOT co parent with stupid. You cannot force an unreasonable person to act in a reasonable manner.

Stop trying.

Routine medical checkups like this DO NOT require communication between parents. IF something comes up over your concerns THEN you communicate it. NOT before. Otherwise, stuff like this happens and you get put into conflict. Conflict feeds crazy. Your ex is allowed to ride the crazy train all she wants, but the only one who can MAKE you buy a ticket is you.

Get off the train man.

Quote:
have also considered contacting a Justice of the Peace or the police regarding the lies on her affidavits, but again, I do not want my children being exposed to any more conflict than they have been. I don't know what actions a JP or the police would undertake should I convince them that a crime had taken place and bringing up such an issue when I don't even know what outcome I would want seems vindictive at this point. Not that I would expect them to arrest her, but I have read that this has happened
In very very very unique situations. Upwards of 99% of the time, absolutely NOTHING will be done. If she is flat out lying in her affidavits, simply present factual evidence to show her to be full of shit and move on. It's ONE bullet point, nothing more.

Dude, I realize what you are trying to do, but you are doing it wrong. You are communicating TOO MUCH in advance.
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Old 07-03-2012, 04:58 PM
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Why wouldn't you have simply made the appointment for the next available Wednesday morning? Easy.
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Old 07-03-2012, 05:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FamilyBlah View Post
...an unreasonable person could not get any more unreasonable.


I brought up some concerns regarding the health of two of my three children with respect to XXXXXX and informed my EX that I would be contacting our family Dr to make an appointment. Here is a redacted quote from my email:

I'm going to be calling Dr. XXXXXX office to make appointments for XXXXXX and XXXXXX. I would like for us to meet with him and see what he suggests as an action plan to address XXXXXX's XXXXXX and XXXXXX's XXXXXX.

My EX asked that I try to make the appointment for a Wednesday morning as she is off at that time OR for another weekday after 4:00 PM. Here is a redacted quote from her email:

I ask that you make the appointment on a Wednesday morning. Should that not be possible I will attend the made appointment, please let me know of the date and time.

I called the Dr's office to request an appointment and was told the earliest was next Monday morning. I accepted the date and time. Monday @ 10:30 AM.

I emailed my EX the appointment information.

I received a call from the receptionist at the Dr's office a short time later informing me that my EX had called to change the appointment to a Wednesday. I didn't want to assume tomorrow (Wednesday) wasn't now an option so I asked if the date/time my EX was requesting was before the already existing appointment I had just made. Upon being informed that it wasn't, I asked that the appointment remain on the Monday. The receptionist specifically mentioned that she was being put in a difficult situation.

I sent my EX an email requesting that she not undermine my parenting rights to seek medical services for my children and that she refrain from creating unnecessary conflict.

My EX replied with an email claiming that past practice has seen her as the one making all appointments. [This is not true and I have proof. There have been appointments made by her and appointments made by me. She has attended appointments by herself with the children, I have attended appointments by myself with the children, and we have attended appointments together with the children.]

Anyway, my EX informed me in the email that she made an appointment for the children for the Tuesday immediately following the already existing Monday appointment. The time? 3:30 PM

So now the same two children have appointments for Monday at 10:30 AM and for Tuesday at 3:30 PM.


How on earth is one expected to deal with such a controlling and unreasonable person who continually makes her interests a priority over the children's best interests?
From my read, it's you that's being unreasonable in this situation. Your children have health issues that you both need to be on top of, and you indicated to her that you should both attend the appointment. She tells you her availability, and then you make zero effort to schedule the appointment during the times she suggested, instead making it for a time which is likely difficult for her to attend. So she tried to move the appointment to a better time for her, and when you blocked that, she had to make a second appointment for her own consultation. So the way I interpret your post is that you are the one responsible for the children having two appointments when only one would have been necessary.

You may be so focused on the conflict your ex has created in the past that you are seeing it everywhere, even when it isn't present, and not recognizing that you are contributing to it yourself.

A two-day difference in a non-urgent doctor's appointment is hardly your ex putting her own interests above those of the children. It sounds like you are making mountains out of molehills here, and I'd advise you to take an emotional step back from your situation and see if maybe it isn't happening elsewhere in your case as well.
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Old 07-03-2012, 05:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NBDad View Post
Lesson you should take away from this experience:

STOP showing your cards ahead of time. Make the bloody appointment for YOUR time, take the kids, and inform the ex of the findings AFTER the fact. Assuming anything comes of it.

If SHE wishes additional information, then SHE can book a followup appointment with the family doctor on HER time.

You CANNOT co parent with stupid. You cannot force an unreasonable person to act in a reasonable manner.

Stop trying.

Routine medical checkups like this DO NOT require communication between parents. IF something comes up over your concerns THEN you communicate it. NOT before. Otherwise, stuff like this happens and you get put into conflict. Conflict feeds crazy. Your ex is allowed to ride the crazy train all she wants, but the only one who can MAKE you buy a ticket is you.

Get off the train man.



In very very very unique situations. Upwards of 99% of the time, absolutely NOTHING will be done. If she is flat out lying in her affidavits, simply present factual evidence to show her to be full of shit and move on. It's ONE bullet point, nothing more.

Dude, I realize what you are trying to do, but you are doing it wrong. You are communicating TOO MUCH in advance.


We have been co-parenting from day one and discussing and sharing important information. They have been trying to create conflict in order to have conflict.

We both had a legitimate health concern regarding our children and we discussed it briefly and I informed her that I would make an appointment. This is not a new arrangement. She requested that I try to get an appointment for a specific date/time and that if I was unable to do so then I would share any information with her. Again, this is what we have been doing all along.

I am unclear how communicating with an EX who intends to claim that we are unable to communicate is "doing it wrong." Sincerely! I would appreciate any clarification.
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 07-03-2012, 05:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mcdreamy View Post
Why wouldn't you have simply made the appointment for the next available Wednesday morning? Easy.
It has not always been possible for both of us to attend appointments. Sometimes she attends, sometimes I attend and sometimes both of us are able to attend. When one of us is unable to attend then we have shared information with the other party.

When I informed her that i was going to make the appointment, she asked that I try to make it for a Wednesday morning and that if that wasn't possible then I would share any information with her just as we have been doing all along.

The health issue we would like to discuss with the Dr is of considerable importance and getting the children in for an appointment with the Dr as soon as possible is more in the children's best interests, in my opinion, than trying to schedule appointments around each others schedules. Especially when this has been the ongoing arrangement to date.
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Old 07-03-2012, 06:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
From my read, it's you that's being unreasonable in this situation. Your children have health issues that you both need to be on top of, and you indicated to her that you should both attend the appointment. She tells you her availability, and then you make zero effort to schedule the appointment during the times she suggested, instead making it for a time which is likely difficult for her to attend. So she tried to move the appointment to a better time for her, and when you blocked that, she had to make a second appointment for her own consultation. So the way I interpret your post is that you are the one responsible for the children having two appointments when only one would have been necessary.

You may be so focused on the conflict your ex has created in the past that you are seeing it everywhere, even when it isn't present, and not recognizing that you are contributing to it yourself.

A two-day difference in a non-urgent doctor's appointment is hardly your ex putting her own interests above those of the children. It sounds like you are making mountains out of molehills here, and I'd advise you to take an emotional step back from your situation and see if maybe it isn't happening elsewhere in your case as well.
It would be ideal for us both to attend every appointment together but it hasn't been possible in the past and I don't think it's a reasonable expectation for the future. As a result, we have been making appointments to address the needs of the children and we have each been attending appointments when we are able.

You have made an assumption in accusing me of making zero effort to accommodate her request. Also, I did not make the appointment for a time when I thought it would be difficult for her to attend. I accepted the earliest possible date provided by the receptionist after she informed me that there were no openings for tomorrow. I even requested that she call should any cancellations result in an opening.

Please recall her response to my informing her that I would be making an appointment:

"I ask that you make the appointment on a Wednesday morning. Should that not be possible I will attend the made appointment, please let me know of the date and time."

This indicates to me that any time would not likely be difficult for her to attend. And if it did indeed turn out that she was unable to attend then I would simply have asked her to let me know of any questions or concerns she wanted me to bring forth to the Dr. and then I would have shared any information regarding the appointment with her...as we have been doing.

I do not see how I am responsible for her action of making a second appointment; an appointment that is neither on a Wednesday nor after 4:00 PM. Her previous correspondence indicates that she preferred Wednesday morning but was able to attend at any time. If this information had changed then a more reasonable approach would have been for her to notify me either as soon as she became aware of her decreased availability or once I had provided her with the details of the appointment. Instead, she decided to call and schedule a second appointment.

She put the receptionist in an uncomfortable position and created conflict where there should not have been any conflict given the circumstances leading up to this incident.
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Old 07-04-2012, 01:17 AM
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Thank you for the replies!

Defending myself against the knowledgable members of this forum is probably good preparation for a possible trial.

Fight back! If that's what I can reasonably expect.

Much appreciated!


How long can one of the parties continue using unsubstantiated and vexatious statements in sworn affidavits as evidence to support their claims? With actual evidence to refute the majority of her statements and evidence to rebut the remainder of her claims.

Is it a potential issue that a significant amount of my evidence involves 'evidence trails'? If so, is there a way to improve upon this?

Do I address only the issues in dispute by providing evidence to support my claims and to rebut (or refute) her claims? Is that what it all boils down to?

Do I ignore what I believe to be substantial evidence to support a claim of 'bad faith' against the other party? Do I attempt to recover costs I have paid on previous Orders that I submit were obtained at uncontested hearings and unnecessary contempt of motion hearings, which the other Party has obtained based on lies, mistruths and false claims to intentionally mislead and manipulate the Superior Court of Ontario?

I'm really having trouble deciding what approach I should take. I attempted the 'stay positive, only address the issues in dispute, reduce conflict, we can do better for our kids' approach in my Settlement Conference Brief and also submitted a third offer to settle along with my 4th Financial Statement. The Applicant has submitted only one Financial Statement in this matter and that was back in 2009 when (she removed the children from their home as part of a premeditated plan, based on false allegations of abuse, designed to assist the Applicant in her quest to obtain access to the services offered by a Women's Shelter that should be reserved for true victims of abuse) she had an income of $0.00.

Anyway, the Applicant's Settlement Conference Brief was more of the same unsubstantiated and vexatious statements. They did offer up their reason as to why they have decided to now ask the Court to grant the Applicant Sole Custody instead of the Joint Custody they were willing to agree to all along. Their reason relies on an incident the Applicant claims escalated the conflict in this case to a point where she was now willing to claim the parties were unable to communicate. Only problem is this incident happened before the Applicant's initial Application when she was willing to agree to Joint Custody.

I would like to get their Settlement Conference Documents deemed admissible in court. They will claim "settlement privilege' and I will attempt to show that it doesn't meet one of the elements required for "settlement privilege' in that it doesn't contain what I believe to an offer to settle. They did include an actual Offer to Settle but I don't think any reasonable person with the knowledge of all other evidence in this case would consider it an offer.


There is so much more

I hope someone actually reads this.


What do I do with all this information? Throw out negative, remain positive, address only the issues?


Apologies for rambling.


I'm working on a motion now. It will be the first one with me as the moving party. So nervous to screw-up!

Family Law Act
Divorce Act
Child and Family Services Act
Family Law Rules
Evidence Rules
Procedural Rules
and other rules that I either forget or never knew applied.

Can a brain explode from trying to obtain too much information in too little amount of time? Stay tuned.

My eternal gratitude to anyone who actually read this far and can consider the difficulty I am having in organizing this case. I am grateful for any comments, questions, advice, name-calling (prefer funny), accusations...whatever.





What was I talking about?



*This post sponsored by vyvanse lisdexamfetamine dimesylate
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 07-04-2012, 09:41 AM
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Just get used to conference briefs being full of BS. It is very difficult to get them included in Trial proceedings. You would need the Judge to ok it. In my experience, they don't.

I have tried this myself as my ex caught herself in a lie (the Judge caught her in a lie during TMC) on her only issue for filing a a motion to change (ie - that I was in arreaers for CS).

Staying positive is a good thing. But the nature of court proceedings is adversarial. I would think, come trial, that if you can prove your ex has acted in bad faith - well that would be a powerful arguement. At the very least it would be a challange for her credibilty. Same goes for blatant lies in affadavits.

So in conclusion, stay positive on the issues when the time comes, but use the other as ammunition to character of your ex. Do so with as much tact as possible so as not to appear to be attacking, so much as simply showing the court the challanges you face.

Furthermore, if 'conflict' is her arguement for custody you should attempt to show that she 'creates' conflict with malice of forethought in order to attempt to control the outcome in her favour. There is case law that the 'creator of conflict' should not be rewarded for said conflict.
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