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-   -   Joint custody issues (http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f3/joint-custody-issues-21214/)

Ange71727 07-21-2017 08:46 AM

Joint custody issues
 
How do those of you with joint custody deal with being opposed to decisions your ex might support and vice versa?

Examples in my case: one kid wanted to join social media site this summer which I did my due diligence to set up with the utmost of privacy settings, my monitoring and being logged in to his account, as well as lots of education on safety. Ex is opposed now even though he initially told my kid he was ok with it. Now my other child wants to dye her hair for back to school - nothing crazy, as I'm not a flashy person. His girlfriend told my daughter she was not going to be allowed to do that. There are more examples as well, and some not as trivial as these ones...these are just two of the most recent. Am I just at their mercy now that we are in litigation and one of his biggest "complaints" is that I don't participate in joint custody decision making? I don't want to do things that add "evidence" for him but also want my kids to not be turned down every time just because daddy has a beef with mommy. Thoughts please.


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trinton 07-21-2017 10:57 AM

I don't ever recall disagreement on whether kids should have a social media accounts, make up or wearing heels being relevant to joint custody.

Child does what she wants when they live with dad, and do what they want when they live with you.

disagreement on school, counselling, medication, surgery, religion, etc are things that would be relevant. not disagreements on a belly button piercing.

to show you are being supper cooperative, delete the facebook to respect the other parents concerns. hold back on dying the hair unless the child pushes the issue. the key here is to cooperate as much as you can if he's making a case against you that you are resistant to cooperation.

Ange71727 07-21-2017 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trinton (Post 222333)
I don't ever recall disagreement on whether kids should have a social media accounts, make up or wearing heels being relevant to joint custody.

Child does what she wants when they live with dad, and do what they want when they live with you.

disagreement on school, counselling, medication, surgery, religion, etc are things that would be relevant. not disagreements on a belly button piercing.

to show you are being supper cooperative, delete the facebook to respect the other parents concerns. hold back on dying the hair unless the child pushes the issue. the key here is to cooperate as much as you can if he's making a case against you that you are resistant to cooperation.



I tend to agree, however these little trivial things are always being thrown in my face as he sees it as me making "decisions" without consulting him. I just don't want to give him things to use against me but I feel bad for my kids that he's using his grudge against me to deny them things they'd really like.

Ps. It isn't Facebook either. I wouldn't let him have Facebook.


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denbigh 07-21-2017 11:36 AM

I also wonder about how to deal with this. I have similar issues, had an agreement before separation child could have an electronic device at certain age. First child got it. a few years later ex gives the other children devices even though younger than that age. One child (teen) want to dye hair, ex not on board with that. I am discouraging it for now, until settlement is done because I dont want to rock the boat, even though I am of the opinion teens can do what they want with their own hair. I dont tell my teen why I am discouraging it, I am just not making it easy. (you have to pay for it yourself, or get your own dye). My ex does other things I disagree with , like let them watch shows I wouldn,t. I am taking the stance of pick your battles and we can have different rules at different houses.


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