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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 01-04-2010, 04:58 PM
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Default "Involve and Consult" custody??

Has anyone heard of this?? Canadian Legal FAQS- Di-cu-t-19

I am thinking I will apply for interim custody tomorrow when I submit my affadavit of service. I need to have custody immediately for two reasons
1: to sign my daughter up for her counselling session (starts end of January and father will not give permission)
2: to make sure father cannot cancel surgery (he did not attend specialist appointment and surgery is Feb 3)

He has a long history of changing his mind just to spite me (yes even when it comes to his daughter).

Originally I wanted joint custody. It worked ok for the first 2 months, mainly because he thought we would reconcile, so he was being "good". Since then he has been manipulative, controlling and basically won't agree to anything. I still want him to have his say in her life, especially since he may think of something I haven't or come up with a better option. I just don't want him to be able to prevent me from making decisions when I have to.


I am completely willing to continue our shared physical arrangement of 50/50 as I beleive that is working ok. However, over the holidays I had to insist our exchanges happened at the police station to avoid continued confrontations.

Does anyone have this kind of agreement? Does it work? Would a judge go for this???

Last edited by billiechic; 01-04-2010 at 05:00 PM. Reason: add info
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Old 01-04-2010, 06:51 PM
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Mess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the rough
Default

I hadn't heard of this, but what it says in that link is that it is not court ordered, it something you would have to negotiate in an out of court settlement.

If you ex isn't co-operating, he probably won't agree to anything.

The judge I think would admire your reasonableness, but couldn't order involve and consult, I think because there is simply no way to enforce it. You still have the power to make the decision and do what you want, you just have to "consult". What is that going to mean to different people? In the end it is something you have to put into practice yourself, a court can't enforce it so a court can't order it.
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Old 01-04-2010, 07:03 PM
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From what I can recall of the wording in my BF's consent order, this is what he and his ex agreed to. First line in the order indicates she has Sole Custody. Other lines in the order indicate that he is to have input into major decisions (I don't think it specifically says she has to initiate the discussion with him), although she has the final say.

Not sure if I could say if it is working - it's early days, and no really major decisions have come up - unless you count h1n1 vaccination - which she has refused to provide an update on (she also refuses to provide notification of upcoming dr appointments, or any other health file updates). On the other hand, he's not exactly the type to wait for a consult invitation before offering his opinion or getting the info he needs directly from the dr!! (sorry - minor rant)

The link you provided indicates that it is only done via consent order, which means the judge would not order it - he would only formalise the consent order. But maybe it would make the judge view your overall case more favourably, since iyou are indicating that you are willing to involve the father in decisions. At the same time, I'd be prepared with very specific examples of why joint decision making is not working out.


As far as enforcement though, it just seems like a cosmetic frill to make a sole custody order more palatable.
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Old 01-05-2010, 10:43 PM
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Thanks. I am still going for sole custody, as he has caused several problems, particularly with decisions. I do think it is a fluffy way to get someone to agree to sole custody, but there is a chance I will get sole custody and it might be his only hope of remaining a part of the decision process.

This is not the way I want it, but he has made it virtually impossible to work together. I guess you can say he made his bed...
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