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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 01-15-2012, 07:44 PM
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Hello everyone..

So here is my story. I am 23 and I am a student. I got married in 2008 over the phone, which is apparently legal in my parents’ country. I didn’t want to get married as I wasn’t ready and I knew I was too young to be married. But my parents talked me into it and sort of emotionally blackmailed me to get married. I am a Canadian citizen and the person I am married to is a british citizen. He came to Canada in 2009 and just to make sure that his immigration process doesn’t get complicated, him and my parents made me marry him again at the City Hall.

He stayed here for 6 months while I attended school full time and worked 2 jobs. We decided not to apply for his residency right away as after paying all the bills and rent I couldn’t afford it. He would stay home and play video games all day all and I worked and went to school. I had to cook and clean after work while he just rested. Eventually he asked him to go back to UK so he would at least work there as I wanted to live here with peace and finish school. Just the thought of living with him made me depressed and sick. We have nothing in common, there is a big age difference between us and he is not serious about life or future. He is a good guy and I have nothing against him. But I am unhappy and I have been unhappy since the day I made the mistake of marrying him. I have told him millions of times that this is not working and I don’t love him. We are not happy, we never were, never will be. He completely ignores me and is in denial. I have finally decided to stand up for myself and end this. My family and friends doesn’t agree with my decision so I am on my own. I would really appreciate any kind of advice you guys might have for me. I can’t live like this anymore. I suffer from severe depression and panic attacks and I feel suffocated every single moment.

He lives in UK now and I live in Ontario. I have met him twice since 2009 for about a week or so. the last time I met him was in early 2011. How should I approach this? I want to get a divorce as soon as possible. I don’t have any asset and I don’t care about his. There are no children in the picture. All I want is to be free and nothing else. Am I going to need a lawyer? Am I going to need the marriage papers that I got from the City Hall when we got married here, because I don’t know if he took them with him to UK. I am a student with a part time job so I am not sure how am I going to afford a lawyer. And as it is going to be an international divorce I don’t know what should be my first step. He said he’ll sign the papers but I doubt it. If I go to City Hall would they help me?

I see girls my age happy, living their lives to the fullest, enjoying being 20 something. And here I am dealing with an issue like this. I want to be happy. I know I won’t get the last 4 years of my life back but I want at least the rest of my life back. Please help me.
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Old 01-15-2012, 08:20 PM
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well luckly you had no kids with him or property. considering that you have not seen him since early last year I am thinking that it should be pretty easy to do. I am not sure about international divorce but i cant see it costing too much as it is pretty straight-forward. People with more experience with this type of divorce will be able to steer you in the right direction.

First off though did you in anyway sponser him for anything in regards to immigration or anything?? If so then you will have to contact immigration and tell them you are withdrawing your support due to the relationship breakdown.
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Old 01-15-2012, 08:25 PM
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Thank you for replying.

No I never sponsored him or anything. Since he has a British passport he just came here lived, for a few months and then went back as we decided not to move forward with immigration as he decided to work in UK.
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Old 01-15-2012, 11:40 PM
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You mention that you are a student. If you are here in Ottawa the Law School at Ottawa University has a free legal clinic attached to it. Perhaps this is relevant for you?
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Old 01-15-2012, 11:44 PM
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Hi SH: I hope (assume) you are not using your real name. You are in an awful situation. Are you in any danger? I'm really not sure what to tell you, but I'd like to believe there's a way out for you. You said you don't believe that he will sign any papers agreeing to get a divorce? I'm thinking there has to be a support group of some kind where you can discuss this dilemma with others in a similar position/cultural background. Call a woman's shelter and see if you can arrange to meet with someone in confidence who may be able to obtain some useful information for you.

These "friends" of yours, who are of no support - what's their story? It's rather odd, unless they subscribe to forced marriages (?) that you are being met with disapproval of your feelings on this matter.

Check out how to reach Family Services in your area. I think that you should be able to obtain a legal aid certificate that will allow you up to two hours with a Lawyer - at no cost to you - who can better answer all your questions. You might also see if you can get anywhere by calling Legal Aid. I can't see any reason why you would not qualify. Until you have done so, I would highly recommend that you not discuss this with anyone, including your Husband. I hope some of these agencies will be able to assist you. Good Luck.
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Old 01-16-2012, 12:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Simplicity View Post
You mention that you are a student. If you are here in Ottawa the Law School at Ottawa University has a free legal clinic attached to it. Perhaps this is relevant for you?
Hey.. thank you for your post. I am not a student at OttawaU though so I wonder if they help students from other institutes. But I'll definitely try to find out. Thank you for letting me know, I didn't know OttawaU had a legal clinic.
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Old 01-16-2012, 12:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hadenough View Post
Hi SH: I hope (assume) you are not using your real name. You are in an awful situation. Are you in any danger? I'm really not sure what to tell you, but I'd like to believe there's a way out for you. You said you don't believe that he will sign any papers agreeing to get a divorce? I'm thinking there has to be a support group of some kind where you can discuss this dilemma with others in a similar position/cultural background. Call a woman's shelter and see if you can arrange to meet with someone in confidence who may be able to obtain some useful information for you.
These "friends" of yours, who are of no support - what's their story? It's rather odd, unless they subscribe to forced marriages (?) that you are being met with disapproval of your feelings on this matter.
Check out how to reach Family Services in your area. I think that you should be able to obtain a legal aid certificate that will allow you up to two hours with a Lawyer - at no cost to you - who can better answer all your questions. You might also see if you can get anywhere by calling Legal Aid. I can't see any reason why you would not qualify. Until you have done so, I would highly recommend that you not discuss this with anyone, including your Husband. I hope some of these agencies will be able to assist you. Good Luck.
Thank you so much for your reply, really appreciate it. I don't think I'm in danger right now as I don't live with him and he has no family members here. However, he keeps telling me that he wants to visit and I'm worried that he might just show up any day. Still I don't think he'll ever cause me any harm physically.. He is a good person..and that is why my family thinks it's a big mistake to get a divorce. But I have no feelings for him and we have nothing in common.

To be honest I don't even know what kind of support groups or women's shelter are out there. I have isolated myself from everything and everyone in the past 4 years just to avoid questions like "are you dating? are you engaged? how come you don't have a ring on? how come he lives there and you live here?" its just painful.. If you could tell me about any organization or support group I'd really appreciate it.

For some unfortunate reason most of my friends are messed up. Their "theory" is its hard to find a "good" guy so just suck it up and move on. And of course, culture, family, reputation, honor..all those factors are playing a significant role here.

About Legal Aid, I don't know if they'll accept me as I live with my parents. So far what I heard was they would want to see my income and my parents' income and then determine if I am eligible or not. But the problem is my parents won't provie me any documentation and to be honest I want to get this done without letting them know so they can't stop me in any way. I'll tell them once its final. Do you know if Legal Aid would help me without my parents' information?

Really appreciate your response btw.
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Old 02-04-2012, 11:21 PM
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Hey guys..

Wanted to let you know whats going on with my situation, also had a question.

I contacted Legal-Aid and spoke to a lawyer. They told me usually they don't cover for divorce but if I had questions they could give me some advice.

They said I need to fill out form 8A, 14A, and 6B and go to the Superior Court of Justice located in Ottawa. They have a family center there where I can get help with filling out the forms. Once I file for it though I'm gonna need to serve "him" the papers in England. And it needs to be done in person. Since its international I need to hire someone to serve him the papers. Now this is the part where I need your advice. Would you kindly explain it to me if I'm supposed to contact a process server agency here in Canada or in England? Legal-Aid didn't know anything about it. Also, if I do contact an agency in England, am I supposed to mail them the original documents? What if its gets lost or something! I know I sound paranoid but I just don't want to waste anymore time..

Also, I was finally able to find the original marriage documents which he hid in the storage before he left..

Another concern I have right now is..he is driving me crazy over coming here to meet me. Not in a harassing way but..obsessive way. He says he gets it that its happening and he can't change my mind etc. but he wants to meet me one last time and wants to go on a trip with me (!). His reasoning is after its done he will move back to his native country and not live in England anymore so he can't travel, therefore he wants to travel with me one last time. I firmly said no to that because I'm absolutely not comfortable with going on a trip with him. It also sounded a little fishy though he doesn't have any history of any kind of violence or abuse. Then he said fine you don't have to go anywhere with me I'll just come to ottawa and see you one last time. He has been texting me calling me everyday asking for when is it a good time for him to come over. I said I have school and work and I can't take any days off he says thats okay just have coffee with me. In one hand I'm sorta scared thinking he might do something on the other hand I'm thinking he just needs a closure. He is sad and I can see that..but he's saying he has accepted the fact that this marriage is ending and there is nothing he can do. What should I do.. am I being stupid for even feeling bad for him or even consider allowing him to come over? Would it affect my seperation period? He said he wants to discuss this in person and is even willing to go to the court with me. He won't stay with me or anything and most probably will stay here for a week or so. When I file for it am I going to be penalized for meeting up with him? In that case I'm not risking it. Please let me know what you think.
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Old 02-05-2012, 10:11 AM
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I would definitely say DO NOT go on a trip with him anywhere. But if he wants to come to Ottawa that would certainly make it easier for you to serve him. Doesn't mean you have to spend any time with him, simply have the papers served to him wherever he is staying while he is in town.

But really, be smart and don't go anywhere with him.
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Old 02-05-2012, 10:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
I would definitely say DO NOT go on a trip with him anywhere. But if he wants to come to Ottawa that would certainly make it easier for you to serve him. Doesn't mean you have to spend any time with him, simply have the papers served to him wherever he is staying while he is in town.

But really, be smart and don't go anywhere with him.
totally agree, do not be alone with this guy. He may have no history of violence with you but maybe he has in his home country that you do not know about. He sounds like his is quite capable of being a stalker and you do not need that shit. What he is doing to you with the constant texts etc is harrassment as it is making you feel uncomfortable. Be very careful and do not be alone with this guy.
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