Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 12-15-2014, 11:10 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 381
Dadx5 is on a distinguished road
Default If a clause is unfair to one party?

If there is a clause that is unfair to one parent does it look bad to a judge if you are still following that clause?

We have a clause in the order that if mom takes the child for her recital she has her for the duration of the recital, I pick her up following the recital and I then have make up for the entire following weekend that is not my normal full weekend. It does not say equal time, or anything about hours. It states entire weekend as make up.

That means that mom has her for 4 hours on my weekend and I have her Saturday-monday. (I already have her friday and saturday morning as I have every friday overnight as part of order)

Mom is upset at the agreement that we worked out for make up for an upcoming recital. I then informed her that if that is the case and we can not come to an agreement then we will follow the order as its written. She is now saying that she doesn't have to follow that clause because its not equal and fair make up time.

This is an order not a written agreement. It was signed on consent but was then put into an order by a judge.
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 12-15-2014, 11:14 PM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,846
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

Why are you debating the order with your ex? A judge has rendered a decision and you have an order. If either of you want to change the order then go to court.

Sometimes less is more. By this I mean perhaps you should be talking less with your ex and focusing more on your parenting time with your child.

Your ex is trying to goad you into doing what she wants.

Communication is supposed to be child-focussed. Short and to the point. Many people in your situation use Our Family Wizard to communicate with ex about children.

I'd follow the order as it is and insist your ex does likewise. She certainly doesn't sound like someone who you can have a calm, rational discussion with so why waste your breath?
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 12-15-2014, 11:18 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 381
Dadx5 is on a distinguished road
Default

Thanks arabian. I was trying to be reasonable with mom because it was christmas season and I already have most of the holiday. I thought we could come to an agreeent that wouldn't be for the whole weekend as I am only losing 4 hours. But now that the time is getting closer she is getting upset.

You are right maybe I debate and try to negotiate too much and should just stick to the order as is.
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 12-15-2014, 11:23 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,836
stripes is on a distinguished road
Default

What does Mom suggest? Is it reasonable, e.g. is Mom offering you four hours on her weekend, and is this something that would be okay with you?

If Mom is making a reasonable offer, even if it's different from what the order says, why not take it? However, if Mom has nothing reasonable to offer that you would agree with, then the order is what you follow, until it is changed in a court. If all Mom is doing is complaining and not offering solutions, send her a message with the wording of your order, and then don't talk to her any more. It sounds like you spend far more time than necessary responding to her.
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 12-15-2014, 11:26 PM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,846
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

In 15 days Christmas will be over. I think people play the Christmas card simply to manipulate and make the other person feel guilty.

Order is in place to ensure that you have your fair share of access with your child. I don't think it's a good idea for you to be giving this up. You fought for what you have and you are entitled to it.

Now make some cool plans and enjoy yourself.
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 12-15-2014, 11:49 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 381
Dadx5 is on a distinguished road
Default

At this point I think I will just ignore her.

We had an arrangement that I would have our daughter for boxing day for 5 hours as I go to the zoo with my children they do a boxing day event of hot chocolate and feeding the Reindeer. Our daughter really wanted to go and mom agreed originally and that would be the make up time. Then she wanted to change the hours, and make more adjustments.

I think I will just leave the situation as it is. Either we can stick to the agreement that we have come up with between us, or exactly to the letter of the order.
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 12-16-2014, 07:06 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,587
Serene is on a distinguished road
Default

Don't stick to the order just for sake of sticking to the order.
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 12-16-2014, 07:35 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 2,895
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

To me it sounds like the clause was written because mom was unfair to you. Plus she was found in contempt yes? Then a judge made an order to help you avoid moms unfairness. So the clause is only unfair to her because it balances out the unfairness originally yours.
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 12-16-2014, 12:07 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,678
OrleansLawyer is a jewel in the roughOrleansLawyer is a jewel in the roughOrleansLawyer is a jewel in the rough
Default

Quote:
Why are you debating the order with your ex? A judge has rendered a decision and you have an order. If either of you want to change the order then go to court.
Wise words.

Quote:
If there is a clause that is unfair to one parent does it look bad to a judge if you are still following that clause?
It never looks bad to follow an Order.

However, if you feel the clause is unfair, and are willing to accept a change, you can propose a reasonable alternative. This is why most orders for access include "...or as agreed upon between the parties from time to time" - so you can make an agreement, as parents, that is best for your child.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Parenting Plan Format........... OntarioDaddyMan Parenting Issues 30 06-09-2014 09:55 AM
What happens when one party doesn't agree Helpinghands Divorce & Family Law 3 02-11-2014 09:14 AM
Divorce Party cbarker78 General Chat 40 03-26-2012 09:06 AM
Amendment to Seperation Agreement Dancing Dad Financial Issues 7 03-24-2012 06:31 PM
Settlement Conference Adjournment... but only 21 days McBroke Divorce & Family Law 5 04-23-2009 05:44 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:25 AM.