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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 05-10-2017, 09:09 AM
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Originally Posted by stripes View Post
I hope you're right. I hope I get a judge who understands something about addiction, and who can grasp that even if ex is in a lucid phase and sounds reasonable and swears up and down that he's going to get help and stay sober, his track record shows he can't be trusted. And I hope the judge also grasps that I am not trying to keep Kid away from her father, I'm trying to create a situation in which she can stay safe.

If ex is sober, I have no problem making decisions with his involvement. But you're right, when ex is not sober I have to be able to make the decisions about Kid without his (drunken) permission, and for that I need sole custody. It's possible that in mediation, assuming that he's sober, ex will understand the reasoning for sole custody to me and access to him. But that's unlikely. I need to prepare to go to court.

It's hard to get past the feeling that by seeking sole custody I'm somehow screwing ex over or being vindictive. I really wanted shared parenting to work.
[QUOTE=stripes;220417]

The track record is what the judge will be most interested in. Hopefully you can get documentation from some of the witnesses from the school about his moronic drunkenness for the court date.

This is what I mean about meeting the criteria to deny an equal relationship (abuse, addictions, etc). You're like the 3rd mother that I've advised to not give equal access...or get supervised access ordered. I hope peeps are beginning to see that I'm not a dad's rights guy and that I think 50/50 is for everyone...so not true. I look at the facts.

This is an obvious addiction and your child is "unsafe" in his care. Imagine she got in the vehicle with him .. anything could have happened. The guy could barely stand on his own two feet. I get confused about how he wasn't charged for public intoxication .. but I think I understand that the cops didn't need all the kids seeing a father arrested and taken away. But perhaps they could have charged him after. He did after all break the law and deserve to be charged.
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Old 05-10-2017, 10:01 AM
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Perhaps you missed my post - the school board DID pay for taxi for a year in my situation.

If school board gets so much of a hint of litigation they will do whatever they can to immediately resolve the problem. If school staff knowingly allowed an impaired parent to drive a child then they could be in very serious trouble. In this situation the staff did not release child to the impaired parent.
must be one hell of a school. I'm actually one of school council executive members and never heard of the school cabbing a child home. There is emergency contact on file and there is school bus for most kids. it's parents responsibility to get kids from school. if child is hurt and emergency situation then they can call ambulance. if the school bus driver missed the kid or something like that then cab might make sense if parents consent.if a parent showig up intoxictex then they should contact police / cas. if parents want cab kids home they can call and arrange that themselves. school's not going to pay for your gas unless they screwed up. school can't cab child home to moms on dads parenting time or vice versa. I think this should have been reported to CAS by school.

I'd actually be just as concerned with cab driver .. what if he's a phedaphile or drunk himself? I don't know who the hell he or she is.

anyway from a criminal law perspective he's not technically impaired unless he's blown over 0.08. plus he wasn't charged and didn't get criminal record for DUI. That whole he was wobbling thing is hearsay.

family perspective.. very iresponsible to show up at school to pick up kids intoxicated.trash.

Last edited by trinton; 05-10-2017 at 10:30 AM.
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Old 05-10-2017, 10:32 AM
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must be one hell of a school. I'm actually one of school council executive members and never heard of the school cabbing a child home. There is emergency contact on file and there is school bus for most kids. it's parents responsibility to get kids from school. if child is hurt and emergency situation then they can call ambulance. if the school bus driver missed the kid or something like that then cab might make sense if parents consent.if a parent showig up intoxictex then they should contact police / cas. if parents want cab kids home they can call and arrange that themselves. school's not going to pay for your gas unless they screwed up. school can't cab child home to moms on dads parenting time or vice versa. I think this should have been reported to CAS by school.

I'd actually be just as concerned with cab driver .. what if he's a phedaphile or drunk himself? I don't know who the hell he or she is.

anyway from a criminal law perspective he's not technically impaired unless he's blown over 0.08. plus he wasn't charged and didn't get criminal record for DUI. That whole he was wobbling thing is hearsay.

family perspective.. very iresponsible to show up at school to pick up kids intoxicated.trash.
We have cabs come to my school for certain students. It's a special service under a special contract with a cab company for a few select students.
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Old 05-10-2017, 11:03 AM
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We have cabs come to my school for certain students. It's a special service under a special contract with a cab company for a few select students.
I've figured it out. It seems it's for grades 7- 12 only (My kid's school is JK to Grade 6 ). They are apparently "school purpose" taxis.

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Most students are transported on conventional school buses, but school purpose vehicles, taxis and para-transit services are also used. Where available and cost-effective, municipal transit service may be provided for eligible students in grades 7 to 12.
i guess it would make sense to use that to ensure the child get's home safe -- but then again .. you are still sending the child home in a position where the father could still drink and drive with child in car ..

O/P - shouldn't you be calling CAS at this point ? I'm sorry, shouldn't have the school called CAS ? This guys showing up at school drunk to drive.. he may very well drink and drive during his 50/50 access - he's definitely not the brightest crayon in the box.

Last edited by trinton; 05-10-2017 at 11:49 AM.
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Old 05-23-2017, 04:43 PM
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For the time being and until the parent in question can get appropriate addiction treatment. You really have no other option. Sorry to say.

You now have the school as a witness to the conduct. Surprised they didn't call CAS regarding the incident. I was under the impression that the police are obligated to contact the CAS for any domestic incident that involves a child.



You have to frame it in the larger picture. Here we have a parent who has been admitted to various addiction treatment programs. Now showing up to a school to pickup a child intoxicated. It is not this single occurrence that you will be arguing. It is simply the straw that broke the camels back.

It is not the single occurrence but, all things that lead up to this point.



Generally, they involve requirements for treatment of the addiction. I wouldn't recommend you get into trying to "manage" the addiction. It should be very limited access at a specific location where you do the transport until such time the other parent completes addiction therapy.

Good Luck!
Tayken
I didn't see this earlier, but thanks Tayken - this confirms my tendencies in this matter. I have been working with a lawyer and framing this situation as a downward trajectory - each commitment to stop drinking has led to a relapse, and each relapse has resulted in greater displays of inappropriate behavior, until we get to now, when the behavior is not only inappropriate but actively dangerous. There's a trend, and it isn't upward.

I have no desire at all to manage his addiction - in the letter that I/my lawyer wrote to his lawyer, I said explicitly that I would not agree to any parenting arrangement which relied on me monitoring his alcohol consumption - so no carrying a portable breathalyzer, no check-ins with third parties, no sweeping his home for bottles before Kid visits, etc. As one friend put it, it's not my job to catch him drinking, it's his job to prove to me that he's consistently sober, through behavior change over the long term. Until that happens, my involvement will be limited to transporting Kid for short visits.

Both the police and I called CAS to report this. It's been bounced to a caseworker. I expect that this will take ages to get investigated, because Kid isn't living in a currently dangerous situation (she's living with me). That is okay with me, because as long as there's an open CAS investigation on ex, I can more easily justify keeping Kid with me.

I am hoping to get this settled through binding arbitration, but will go to court if ex won't agree to arbitrate.

Thanks everyone for the commentary, and I'll keep you posted.
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