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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #61 (permalink)  
Old 09-07-2017, 08:44 PM
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You have no agreement and you are the rightful father of these children. Work it out. If you just let things go through the process then You will be the every other weekend Dad.

Who is in the matrimonial home? Who has the kids 90% of the time?

Where does that,leave the other parent?

Nothing says you cannot keep the children, but you. You are at work making a living taking care of your business your children are with Mom and that's where they will stay. That's your status quota.!
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  #62 (permalink)  
Old 09-07-2017, 08:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachnana View Post
You have no agreement and you are the rightful father of these children. Work it out. If you just let things go through the process then You will be the every other weekend Dad.

Who is in the matrimonial home? Who has the kids 90% of the time?

Where does that,leave the other parent?

Nothing says you cannot keep the children, but you. You are at work making a living taking care of your business your children are with Mom and that's where they will stay. That's your status quota.!
Nothing? Even though the agreement was through our lawyers?

It was set only for four weeks with a change to come for the next four. It was denied.

If I keep them, that sounds like it would be a huge negative especially our children's mental and emotional state. They're 4 and 2.

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  #63 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2017, 01:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Whoknew View Post
Being a weekend dad is the furthest from what I want. But how do I keep them with me? Not bring them home when it's. My parenting time?

I feel handcuffed right now because she rejected our latest proposal for extended parenting time. A motion is out of the question until our CC which is a minimum 4-5 weeks away.

What can I do now until then? Keep throwing proposals her way to keep showing my interest and her denials?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachnana View Post
You have no agreement and you are the rightful father of these children. Work it out. If you just let things go through the process then You will be the every other weekend Dad.

Who is in the matrimonial home? Who has the kids 90% of the time?

Where does that,leave the other parent?

Nothing says you cannot keep the children, but you. You are at work making a living taking care of your business your children are with Mom and that's where they will stay. That's your status quota.!
You don't have any agreement except for your four week emailed plan which is about to end. Neither of you have any right to dictate where the children should be. It's not a situation where she's the gatekeeper and has final say over what happens, unless you let her.

Right now, you are making suggestions for increasing access and she is saying 'no.' Why let her get away with it? She has no more authority to make the final decision than you do. Reframe it. She is suggesting that nothing change from your four-week plan, and YOU are saying 'no.'

So, yes, tell her that anything other than equal time is unacceptable to you, and you would like her to work with you to come up with a schedule that works for everybody. Meanwhile, you are going to have the children for a FULL weekend next time you pick them up, and so you will return them at X time on Y day. (I recommend Monday morning to set you up for a future where you bring them to school to avoid in person exchanges)

She'll either cave in, or she'll try to get bossy and say no. She'll either have the children ready for their time with you and try to boss you into bringing them back on her schedule, or she'll hide them and deny access. If you get the children, bring them back Monday morning, no matter what she says. If she sends you angry texts or threats, just write back a macro every time that says something like "All is well, enjoy your weekend, see you Monday morning!" If she hides them, document it for your court battle. Lose that one battle, sure, but win the war.

Make sure you have EVERYTHING you need at your house, crib/bed, carseats, clothes, whatever. Don't depend on her.
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  #64 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2017, 08:06 AM
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Rioe is on the money.

Right now you have as much right to the kids as she does. She's simply trying to build status quo.

I postulate that if you say you're keeping the full weekend that she will deny all access. This may be what needs to happen to show the judge that she's not a responsible parent.

Denying access to a loving parent is tantamount to child abuse.

Put your foot down. Dont let her fog your objective (50/50).
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  #65 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2017, 08:19 AM
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I guess I am running the risk of not seeing them until CC as she will most likely deny access completely correct?
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  #66 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2017, 08:32 AM
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I'm going to my lawyer's today. We should respond to her refusal of my graduated plan. I would like to move to 2-2-3 which is equal as set below.

WEEK 1
Monday pickup at 12pm
Wednesday drop-off at 8am

Friday pick up at 12pm
Monday drop-off at 8am

WEEK 2
Wednesday pickup at 12pm
Friday drop-off at 8am

- Exchanges to be done at school

- Use of Our Family Wizard for communication moving forward

Here's what I assume to happen;

- She says no which she has no right to

- But I go over on Monday and she refuses to let our children come with me

- But I go over Friday and she refuses to let our children come with me

- I go over... I should keep going over, no matter what, correct?

I would not be seeing our children this way which I see the big picture of short term pain but long term gain. If she refuses, the denials would be documented.

If she agrees, the positives don't need to be mentioned but first and foremost, I get to be a fully involved father.

I'm not resting on the latter.
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  #67 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2017, 11:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Whoknew View Post
I guess I am running the risk of not seeing them until CC as she will most likely deny access completely correct?
Correct. Which is why you will have to move fast. Her game plan will be "keep the kids and build up status quo". She might even be able to get CS from you during that time, which effectively forces you to pay for her lawyer.

Don't negotiate verbally at all. Everything has to be in writing. Be polite, be firm. You expect to have the kids 50% of the time, and she is unilaterally denying that.

If you let her decide the schedule, then she will decide the schedule.
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  #68 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2017, 11:09 AM
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Thank you Janus. I'm seeing the pattern here with the last few replies.

I am already paying her SS/CS in the high end in the meantime.

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