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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #31 (permalink)  
Old 09-05-2017, 03:42 PM
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Should I be interpreting that as;

1. She's not your friend, no need to ask, go see your kids.
2. She's not your friend, don't go see your kids.
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  #32 (permalink)  
Old 09-05-2017, 04:29 PM
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On second thought, no need to intrude on the walk... I can always go see our child in the playground before school begins. I'm sure she'll be there too with our other child so it works itself out. This certainly doesn't border on friendship.
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  #33 (permalink)  
Old 09-05-2017, 04:58 PM
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Ask yourself this, if the roles were reversed, would you want your ex showing up on your days to interfere in your time?

Getting kids up and off to school is a process and adding any other things to it could create complications. You could ask if you could walk them to school a couple times a week and document the response. Showing up will just create animosity and further difficulty. Once you have set days in place you will be able to have that time to yourself with them.

Youre walking a fine line between reasonable and bullying. Tread carefully.
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  #34 (permalink)  
Old 09-05-2017, 05:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Ask yourself this, if the roles were reversed, would you want your ex showing up on your days to interfere in your time?

Getting kids up and off to school is a process and adding any other things to it could create complications. You could ask if you could walk them to school a couple times a week and document the response. Showing up will just create animosity and further difficulty. Once you have set days in place you will be able to have that time to yourself with them.

Youre walking a fine line between reasonable and bullying. Tread carefully.
You're 100% right. I think visiting at the school playground before start would be better, even just for a few mins to say hi. They're fenced off and I would stay outside of that.
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  #35 (permalink)  
Old 09-05-2017, 05:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Whoknew View Post
ensorcelled, thanks for chiming in. What you added was great and a nice alternative.

I do have a question about access, today was our child's first day of JK so I went over the house (as agreed with my STBX) to walk over with them to school. It's about a ten minute. It felt awesome to be a part of this and our child definitely enjoyed it too.

On the way back, I suggested that I come over in the mornings twice a week to do the same and was met with resistance and avoidance and later an email saying I was being angry. The email has other items of discussion and did not address her accusations in my reply.

Can I reasonably show up anyway? I know our child would love it and quite frankly, myself included.
Google Gray Rock method of communicating. Saved my sanity.

Not sure if you can do this but I do at-home lunches with my boy once a week. I work from home on those days and I go to school and get him and we lunch at my place for 30 minutes and I bring him back for recess. MUCH easier than dealing with my Ex on these issues. Try as much as possible to steal 'extra' time while on neutral (in this case, school) territory.
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  #36 (permalink)  
Old 09-05-2017, 09:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ensorcelled View Post
Google Gray Rock method of communicating. Saved my sanity.

Not sure if you can do this but I do at-home lunches with my boy once a week. I work from home on those days and I go to school and get him and we lunch at my place for 30 minutes and I bring him back for recess. MUCH easier than dealing with my Ex on these issues. Try as much as possible to steal 'extra' time while on neutral (in this case, school) territory.
Thank you for the rec on GRMOC.

Lunches would be tough to do because she brings him home everyday to eat but that's brilliant and glad it works for you.
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  #37 (permalink)  
Old 09-05-2017, 10:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Youre walking a fine line between reasonable and bullying. Tread carefully
Ahh .. the wonderful land of family law .. where wanting to walk with your child to school is considered bullying LMAO.

Somebody earlier wrote that you should ask (in writing) to join in walks as your child enjoys it (it's about the kids .. your ex doesn't get that yet. It's okay .. a judge will force her to get it). I think it was Rock who suggested it. Do that! Keep asking for extra time and document denials. That's a huge goal right now. Judges despise parents trying to minimize other parents involvement .. and that's precisely what she's been doing.

See as little of your ex as humanly possible. I know it hurts and I know you still have feelings. It sucks .. but needs to be done. Find yourself a nice lady down the road.

I work in schools so I know first hand that a parent can not just pick a child up mid day if there is no order permitting them to do so on the other parents time. Schools look at custody orders (at least the 3 I've worked in). Too many abductions now-a-days .. schools are very careful with that.

Keep asking for overnights .. keep asking for extra time. Go over the benefits for the child in your correspondences. Rack up the denials and then get sole custody. Judges dont give custody to gatekeepers .. they give it to resolution-oriented parents who want to involve the other one.

Collect the denials pal .. they make superb exhibits and they will make you successful in court.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 09-05-2017 at 10:08 PM.
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  #38 (permalink)  
Old 09-05-2017, 10:34 PM
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My lawyer drafted up a letter today for increased parenting time that I spent the weekend on crafting, basically what I proposed in an earlier reply. I do not send directly to her because they go nowhere.

My lawyer advised not to reveal my full fledged plan of 2-2-3 just yet, just covering the next eight weeks split in four week increments.The reasoning is that my STBX is having trouble giving up anytime with our kids and to ease her into it. She also said her lawyer is probably aware that this is where we are headed anyway and I agreed. I will be going to visit at the playground on Tues and Thurs mornings before heading inside regardless.

As for seeing my ex, we only see each other during exchanges. They're civil. But then I get an email afterwards saying I was this and that and the other thing. As of today, email only for us so she won't be able to fabricate this any longer.

I would never even attempt to take our child away on her days but I can see the apprehension about it and glad it is being recognized.

Since you're a teacher, I would like your opinion on setting up a brief introduction/meet with the teacher. Would it be wise to let her know of the situation? Or would that be alarming? I would also like to request that I be included on any communications from her or the school regarding our child and events etc. What do you think?
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  #39 (permalink)  
Old 09-05-2017, 11:42 PM
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My point was that she does not want you around all the time, kid or no kid.

Pick your battles.

Her time is her time....yours time is your time.

And yes, put yourself in her shoes and re-look at things....and vice a versa.
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  #40 (permalink)  
Old 09-06-2017, 09:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whoknew View Post
My lawyer drafted up a letter today for increased parenting time that I spent the weekend on crafting, basically what I proposed in an earlier reply. I do not send directly to her because they go nowhere.

My lawyer advised not to reveal my full fledged plan of 2-2-3 just yet, just covering the next eight weeks split in four week increments.The reasoning is that my STBX is having trouble giving up anytime with our kids and to ease her into it. She also said her lawyer is probably aware that this is where we are headed anyway and I agreed. I will be going to visit at the playground on Tues and Thurs mornings before heading inside regardless.

As for seeing my ex, we only see each other during exchanges. They're civil. But then I get an email afterwards saying I was this and that and the other thing. As of today, email only for us so she won't be able to fabricate this any longer.

I would never even attempt to take our child away on her days but I can see the apprehension about it and glad it is being recognized.

Since you're a teacher, I would like your opinion on setting up a brief introduction/meet with the teacher. Would it be wise to let her know of the situation? Or would that be alarming? I would also like to request that I be included on any communications from her or the school regarding our child and events etc. What do you think?
There should be a class email list that you should get yourself on, as well as a general email list for school notifications. Almost nothing is paper anymore, but I always send a 'Nice to meet you!' email to the teachers at the beginning of the school year. When we split, I let the teacher know in person and the followed up by email with our parenting plan and contact info.

Can I ask why you're so keen on 2-2-3?
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