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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #31 (permalink)  
Old 04-18-2017, 04:07 PM
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I am focussed on solutions for the now. I have some good advice on here already. I am open to more moving forward advice. Thanks

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  #32 (permalink)  
Old 04-18-2017, 04:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
.
He refused to let me take her to a referred professional a month ago, and based on his previous behaviour I will not risk that professionals reputation by taking her and having him report her.
How exactly did he do this without custody on Medical issues?

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Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
I never said he was controlling me. He is attempting to. Yes I am a true ex victim of domestic violence. Would you like to see the proof too?
Nope. I'll take your word for it.

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Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
He has already reported the past 2 medical professionals she has seen for this type. For no valid reason. Switching to a new one is not going to end his vindictive streak, it will put someone else's business at risk.

And taking her without his agreement is going to cause me trouble in court regardless of the fact I have medical custody.
Why is his agreement required if you have sole on medical? Especially if he's not letting you take the child to referred professionals?


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Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
How do I deal with a conflict causing ex who continues search for anything and everything he can use against me and is preventing the kid from seeing a medical professional?
What exactly do you mean by he is preventing the kid from seeing the medical professionals ? How can he prevent if you have sole custody? Is there a clause in there on medical that we are not aware of here ?
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  #33 (permalink)  
Old 04-18-2017, 05:19 PM
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The guy does not understand his court order. As you were typing this he is freaking out about medical issues. He thinks he has joint custody. He threatened to report the medical professionals, called them and lost it on them and then reported them to their boards. Would you not be reluctant to go to a new person with out his consent if you were aware he was going to cause this new person that kind of trouble?

Let's be clear. It's a chiropractor. It is not a doctor or a dentist or an eye doctor. She has asked to go. He refused. She still wants to go and is too scared to ask him. In fact, she wanted to go Sunday because her neck was sore (pulled muscle) and I told her ask and we will go Monday. She wouldn't. And now he is at the walk-in stealing the phone from her and screaming at me because he lost his copy of the health card, and because I did not take her to get checked out. Because he refuses consent for a medical professional who specializes in the area if the body she said was hurting.
Do you see my frustration? I am sitting here crying because it doesn't matter what I do..according to him if I take her I am wrong and violating his rights as a parent, if I don't take her I am neglectful even though she participated in the decision to wait and see how she was Monday.

I don't even know if I should continue with this here. Unless you have been in this situation maybe it doesn't make any sense to you. Maybe it seems so black and white. It isn't.

So what did I do. I sent a photo of the health card and requested the name and contact information for the walk in clinic. Next time I will insist they call me instead.

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  #34 (permalink)  
Old 04-18-2017, 07:38 PM
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I think that rather than being badgered on here you should simply go to your police department (when you are calm) and ask to speak to them and have the police explain things to you... ask questions... find things out for yourself. This is their job. The police have resources and are trained in domestic violence and very well may be able to refer you to someone/place for additional assistance in dealing with your ex.

It sounds as though your ex is a very hot-headed individual (aren't you glad you're not still with him?). He obviously has anger & control issues. Don't play into his game and certainly don't let him know that he upsets you.

The world is full of people who want to point fingers and play the 'blame game.'
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  #35 (permalink)  
Old 04-18-2017, 08:35 PM
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Thanks Arabian. Good sound advice. I'm gonna do that

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  #36 (permalink)  
Old 04-18-2017, 08:46 PM
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Sounds like your ex is "gaslighting " you. Making you doubt yourself and think you're crazy when you're not.

If you have been awarded sole custody in regards to medical that means the judge has placed Full confidence in you and none to very little in your ex. Remember that.

Don't give control back to your ex after the judge awarded it to you. Stick to your court order and tell your ex (once and once only) that you are sticking to the court order. If he does not understand the court order that is his problem, not yours but you can't change the order either without going back to court.

As many of the other posters have indicated, there are remedies available to you from the court if he continues to interfere with your child's medical care, report the health care professionals to their governing bodies, bully you, etc. A judge WILL make him understand the court order.

With somebody like your ex it sometimes helps to sound like a broken record,
Dear ...., I would love to .... but I have to follow the court order. "

If you have been in an abusive relationship you should seek counselling to help you set limits and boundaries with your ex. You may also have a trauma bond with your ex and need assistance to sever that.
Good luck.Stay calm. Play the broken record to your ex. Stick to your guns and if all else fails, return to court for further remedies.
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  #37 (permalink)  
Old 04-18-2017, 08:50 PM
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Thank you stillbreathing.
I have done lots of counselling in the past and continue to access my resources as needed. They just can't provide the kind of advice some here can (experience). It definitely is gaslighting.

I will be filing a motion to make our previous mediation agreements into a court order and therefore enforceable. As well as asking for our family wizard and tightening up the rules of communication.
Considering whether to apply for sole custody as well. This obviously isn't working with our current custody order.

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  #38 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2017, 09:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by billiechic View Post
You may even want to apologize if that is in you.
I always apologize when I feel I have done something wrong.

Quote:
FYI..saying you have a cousin who was abused (and ompluing that means you couldnt be judgemental) is like claiming you couldn't be discriminatory because you have a black friend.
Again, you are deliberately twisting my words. If I cared, this would be tiresome. Instead, I will model what I preach by ignoring your nonsense.

If you truly want me to explain why your interpretation doesn't even make the slightest sense, I will be happy to. I assure you though, if we start going after each other, I'll enjoy it more than you

Quote:
Now that I have your attention...I can't block the phone number of my child's father.
1. Emergency situations. How is he to get a hold of me if he is blocked (or vice versa)
Unless it is an emergency, pretend that he didn't text. Since actual emergencies are extremely rare, the result of this policy is that you never send him a single text. As I have said previously, there is only so long even the most dedicated asshole will text a black hole.

If he calls, decline the call. He never has to call, even in an emergency. He can text.


Quote:
2. There are court orders that require us to communicate. We have 50/50 access.
You can communicate by email. You don't respond to any email that is in any way abusive or not necessary.

Quote:
3. Stop making this a black and white issue. It isn't. When children are involved it NEVER is.
Of course it isn't black and white, but you are making shades of gray when it is really unnecessary. Stop blaming the ex. You can't change his behaviour. You can only change your responses to his behaviour. Every time you respond to an abusive or absurd email, you have weakened your position. He has to be trained. Like a dog.

As an aside... chiropractors are to medical care as Donald Trump is to presidential demeanor. Getting your kid better access to quacks is possibly not the best hill to die on.
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  #39 (permalink)  
Old 04-19-2017, 09:28 AM
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Thank you Janus for your advice. No you will not get an argument from me. I disagree with your opinion of chiropractors, however that is Your opinion and has no bearing on my decision. I understand the value of taking care of my nerve health and my daughters nerve health. Especially when she is hurting

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  #40 (permalink)  
Old 08-06-2017, 11:42 PM
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Quote:
Would you not be reluctant to go to a new person with out his consent if you were aware he was going to cause this new person that kind of trouble?
No I wouldn't be. If you have full medical custody, then that professional is not going to be in trouble for not getting consent from the other parent. I wouldn't worry about that at all. If you hear that your ex has made a complaint you could call the board and tell them his history of making complaints. I doubt they are going to take him too seriously if he is a serial complainer in a high conflict divorce.

If you are going to a new person for the first time would you even need to tell that person all your family conflict history or even that you have sole medical custody. I havent been to a new doctor since I was separated, but I dont think in the past when I did go to a doctor or dentist or even a specialist the first time that anyone asked me any questions about whether or not there were 2 parents married or divorced or who had custody. It been a long time since I was at a new office, but I cannot ever recall any questions like that. I dont think I have even been asked specifically if I was a parent, now that I think about it.

Oh yes, I do recall recently I went to a physio therapist for my child. They didn't ask me for any information about custody. The only thing that was asked, on a form, I signed my name and relationship to my child becasue child was under age and couldnt sign the form. I cant remember if this was the payment /insurance form or the history form. No one asked about custody or even who the parents of the child were.
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