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-   -   How far is too far? Harassment? (http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f3/how-far-too-far-harassment-20940/)

billiechic 04-12-2017 02:26 PM

How far is too far? Harassment?
 
High conflict situation. 50/50 time split with shared custody. I have medical custody.
2 final court orders on consent.
2 mediated agreements not being followed.
Ex has treated and reported 2 medical professional our child has seen to their boards. He has reported me to my professional board. He is now asking for the licence of yet another professional she was treated by over 3 years ago. This person is no longer practicing (due to injury)
For each I have informed him before having her treated, he has signed consent where required and then filed complaints after. He refused to let me take her to a referred professional a month ago, and based on his previous behaviour I will not risk that professionals reputation by taking her and having him report her.
He is now digging through childcare records in their office claiming I did not get his permission on this form and that one. He is claiming out of date records that he neglected to update himself for 3 years. He sees them 3 days a week and pays them directly. His signature and info is on many forms and updates to his info are his responsibility.
He is violating our communication agreement texting me and threatening court action several times a day 2 to 3 days a week.
CAS has been involved over a year on a monthly monitoring. He calls them at least twice a week to report some wrongdoing. The last visit the CAS made not of whether I had fruit on the counter. I didn't do the shopping until the next day and told them so.
At what point and by what argument can I stop this? What constitutes harassment or stalking (because he is all over my social media and my families) and even reporting all this to my child.
At what point can I ask for a restraining order? What are my options
I am so tired of this it's been 8 years


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arabian 04-12-2017 07:59 PM

your post doesn't make sense to me in some places.

I wouldn't worry about your ex going after a doctor (assume) by way of reporting to professional association. That is what the board is there for and they are quite well equipped to investigate his allegations.

You say he is digging through someone's office records? Who would let him do this? Certainly not a doctor.

Is your child on a special diet prescribed by a medical professional?

Why is CAS monitoring you every month ?

You can go to court any time you want and try to obtain a restraining order. You could look into a peace bond which you can obtain yourself. Be aware, however, that they usually go both ways and this can affect drop off/pick up activity (if the two of you have to stay away from each other).

I am not a social media-type person so I can't advise on that. Surely there is a way to block him... can your family and friends also not block him?

billiechic 04-12-2017 08:12 PM

I get that the professional boards will not likely do anything. It is however a problem. He is threatening them and causing them trouble. It's a pattern. A way of threatening and manipulating me.

The day care has allowed him into the file. I saw it today too and they have discarded all of the previous documentation except the latest forms. And because he has not bothered to even look at the file in over 3 years, his signature is not on any forms. This was a mistake with the daycare discarding previous documents, including a copy of our court order, and his negligence in not updating the file and making address changes. He has a right to see his child's daycare file.

CAS is monitoring due to the high conflict. They are aware of his pattern of instigating conflict, and involving the child. Until however she shows up with physical harm, they have said there is nothing they can do. He has physically harmed her in the past, but they dismissed it as the child changed her story the 4th time she told it (when father was present).

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arabian 04-12-2017 08:19 PM

I'd let the medical board deal with him. They are used to nut-jobs.
I'd let the daycare handle him. You have no direct control over the day care's administrative matters.

I don't know what CAS would be able to do... remove child from place of danger?

Know your limitations and focus on matters which you can address. If you feel threatened by him then you certainly should seek assistance from court and/or police.

billiechic 04-12-2017 08:20 PM

As for social media, he is investigating family business. My business, and my sister's. I cannot block him from websites.
He has found out the name of a friend my daughter and I spent time with and the only way would have been through questioning her. He then took the phone from her and started screaming at me about "who is this guy ____? Our court order says you have to tell me about the men you are dating ".
This is way over the top. Of course a court would never put that in an order. And the guy is only a friend! Lol.
I just want to know what my options are. He is spiralling out of control, digging for every "mistake" I have made in 8 years and continuously throwing them at me and threatening. I am a great mom, I've made a few mistakes though. And if I wanted to stoop low and play his game I could name a hundred he has made. But I won't. I just want this to stop. And it looks like court or some restraining order or peace bond is my last resort.
Any more advice? Please 😣😜

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billiechic 04-12-2017 08:22 PM

Thanks Arabian. I am doing my best to let him dig his own grave. He's building a case for me and I can just sit here and document.
It's just gotten to the point where enough is enough.

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arabian 04-12-2017 08:28 PM

If you have medical authority over your child then I do not know how he can stop you from taking child to a specialist.

It sounds as though you are over-communicating with your ex. He knows too much (fruit on your counter?).

You can go to your local courthouse and ask for a peace bond. You do not need a lawyer for this. You fill out a few pages and indicate why you do not want him to contact you, your friends and your family. A hearing will be set. The best thing that could happen would be for him to be ordered to NOT contact you.

You say that this has gone on for 8 years yet you mention daycare? The math doesn't add up here unless 8-year-olds go to daycare nowadays?

arabian 04-12-2017 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by billiechic (Post 219532)
As for social media, he is investigating family business. My business, and my sister's. I cannot block him from websites.
He has found out the name of a friend my daughter and I spent time with and the only way would have been through questioning her. He then took the phone from her and started screaming at me about "who is this guy ____? Our court order says you have to tell me about the men you are dating ".
This is way over the top. Of course a court would never put that in an order. And the guy is only a friend! Lol.
I just want to know what my options are. He is spiralling out of control, digging for every "mistake" I have made in 8 years and continuously throwing them at me and threatening. I am a great mom, I've made a few mistakes though. And if I wanted to stoop low and play his game I could name a hundred he has made. But I won't. I just want this to stop. And it looks like court or some restraining order or peace bond is my last resort.
Any more advice? Please 😣😜

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You should look into having your sister obtain a peace bond as well, along with anyone subjected to his harassment. You and your sister (business owners) can report his activities to the police. Be sure to ask for the file number.

Finally, make sure you have a good security system which is armed at all times. Your child can have his/her own code.

billiechic 04-12-2017 09:22 PM

She goes to a daycare after school until one of us picks her up. She's gone there for all this time so habit to call it daycare.

I am not overcommunicating. 6 emails today and I only responded to the first one. That is pretty normal. He complains about not getting Tupperware back right away, calls me about not having any clothing for her (though it is 50/50 and he didn't buy her any), and he tells CAS I don't feed her properly. He complains to CAS about all this small things, texts me at all hours of the day and night reminding me of every time something was not to his liking. Honestly it wouldn't matter if I met every single one of his requirements, he would find something else that I did "wrong".

As for stopping me from going to a specialist, it is all the harassment, texting, phone calls, berating the child, complaining to CAS and threatening court. Legally he cannot stop me. The child asked him herself if she could go (without me knowing) He made so many stipulations and had her sneak a business card from the office when we went to my appointment so she could report it to him. Even though she was NOT a patient herself.
I know it sounds ridiculous. Because it is. Welcome to my nightmare

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arabian 04-12-2017 10:35 PM

Perhaps some people on here can offer some ideas about your cell phone and the texting. Change of phone number with instructions for him to use another form of communication such as Our Family Wizard (perhaps you can get an order for that).
I certainly would respond to trivial stuff about tupperware. You say you only responded to one of his messages. I think that is one too many.

Your ex sounds like he has major mental issues. Watch your back.


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