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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 04-08-2014, 09:26 AM
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Default How do I end it?

So I originally provided two separation agreements to my ex. Neither went answered. Then I was served papers from his lawyer.
I had one lawyer who was garbage and hired a new one two months ago.
I feel like all these lawyers want to do is go back and forth to get $$.
I am raising the kids, he is building his career and sees them every other weekend, unless he chooses not to.
I am hoping he just falls out of their lives as his attitude is very toxic towards me and verbalizes this on his visits to the kids.

I have asked why there has never been an offer to settle and never rec'd any type of response.

This morning I sent my lawyer an email saying get this over with so I can move on with my life. I asked her to request an offer to settle.

Has anyone else been here?
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Old 04-08-2014, 09:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chapter2 View Post
So I originally provided two separation agreements to my ex. Neither went answered. Then I was served papers from his lawyer.
I had one lawyer who was garbage and hired a new one two months ago.
I feel like all these lawyers want to do is go back and forth to get $$.
I am raising the kids, he is building his career and sees them every other weekend, unless he chooses not to.
I am hoping he just falls out of their lives as his attitude is very toxic towards me and verbalizes this on his visits to the kids.

I have asked why there has never been an offer to settle and never rec'd any type of response.

This morning I sent my lawyer an email saying get this over with so I can move on with my life. I asked her to request an offer to settle.

Has anyone else been here?
It is a difficult time, emotionally and financially draining. You should be careful about suggesting the father of your children fall out of their lives, it is in the best interests of the children that they have a relationship with their father, and while you may not like it, you should encourage it and been seen to do so in front of a judge.

If you want to get things moving, YOU should make an offer to settle. Looks like the status quo is every other weekend, so make that part of a parenting plan. You should presume joint custody, unless he is an unfit parent. Have you started on the financials? Your lawyer probably has a spreadsheet. Have you determined support? Child support is fairly straight forward, your lawyer would have the tables, or you can try using mysupportcalculator.ca. Are you asking for spousal support?

Go through all that, and you are ready to make an offer. Think of what you would like and what you would accept, offer what you would like and be prepared to negotiate what you would accept.

Put it in a document and your lawyer can help you draft it and review it before you send it.
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Old 04-08-2014, 10:48 AM
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If you are dealing with someone who doesn't respond the only way to get it over with is to file in court and push it forward.

Unfortunately it's very expensive.

I sent my ex 5 offers to settle never got one back...All I heard was NO.

So I pushed it through court. 3 days before the motion they pretty much accepted one of the offers with a couple minor changes.

Really they have no reason to settle if you don't force them.
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Old 04-08-2014, 11:39 AM
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He should not be bashing you when he has the kids. It won't sit very well for him if this has to go to court. I try very hard not to talk about my ex in front of the kids. First of all it does them no good and second it would just go back to my ex anyway. As far as the separation agreement, it would be less costly to settle out of court. Not sure why he wouldn't want to do that.
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Old 04-08-2014, 01:50 PM
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Same problem that I have encountered - Ex and lawyers clearly not interested in settling things simply. I have sent reasonable offers, suggested mediation, arbitration, no response etc. Although I have managed to get an interim agreement through the courts - the Ex is in contempt and my lawyer has done f---all about it.
We will be going to trial in October. Sadly there is nothing else that can be done when one spouse refuses to cooperate in finding a reasonable solution.
It's very difficult to live in limbo, putting your life on hold but that's exactly what we are dealing with here. Keep pushing your lawyer - call every week if you have to, to get things moving along ...
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Old 04-08-2014, 02:43 PM
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I had the exact same problem. We kept pushing forward---to my expense not his. I still believe if you do the right thing, i.e. demonstrate all the ways you tried to avoid court, tried to collaborate, invited them to the table.........that it will serve you well in court.
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Old 04-09-2014, 02:05 PM
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Dont get me wrong, I wanted nothing more than for him to continue a bonding relationship with our girls, however, soon I came to realize that when the repsonsibility was 100% his on his weekends, he couldnt handle it; wouldnt bath them, properly feed them, do their homework etc.
My first lawyer made a mess of things, going to settlement without his financial disclosure for one. She got ill, quit her practice and now I have to start all over again with new lawyers, albeit much more on the ball than my last one.
Child support is agreed to, after two years he started paying, but is still in arrears from the last two years as is the daycare fees that he should have been contributing 60% to.
There has been no communication of what exactly it is he wants and no formal agreement ever came from him. His lawyer is very sloppy and unprofessional and from my impression, just wants to keep racking up the bill, letter after letter, court date after court date.
My ex doesnt see it that way as he wants blood from me for choosing to leave him after his violent and abusive behaviours scared me enough to contact the police and have him arrested.
I have moved on, my girls are happy and I am ready for Chapter 2, I just want all this money sucking crap to stop and only have to deal with the ex when he drops off the kids.
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Old 04-09-2014, 02:39 PM
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So let his lawyer send letter after letter...no need to respond to everything he sends, control your lawyer=your bill, let him control his.

So he was arrested and yet you have contact during drop offs? Exchanges should be done at school or daycare...minimal contact, certainly with what you statement of having him arrested.


How, he parents on his time is out of your control...accept that he is not you and will parent differently. If the kids are in real valid danger then there are resources that should be advised for factual cases.
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Old 04-10-2014, 09:04 AM
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So let his lawyer send letter after letter...no need to respond to everything he sends, control your lawyer=your bill, let him control his.

So he was arrested and yet you have contact during drop offs? Exchanges should be done at school or daycare...minimal contact, certainly with what you statement of having him arrested.


How, he parents on his time is out of your control...accept that he is not you and will parent differently. If the kids are in real valid danger then there are resources that should be advised for factual cases.

We did have a peace bond, in which he still came within contact. We used a mutual friend for drop offs, pick ups but that had to be stopped because not only was it affecting the third party, he would ask who I was with and where I was. And I do try for the least amount of contact possible.

I get how he parents is out of my control, not arguing that.
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