have a few questions.

[kirakisses]

ok so i posted before about how to prove my ex (baby on the way's dad) is an alcoholic... i've pretty much accepted the fact that i have nothing that would hold up in court, although i do still plan to have all my friends/family that knows how he drinks to write things for court when it comes to it.

I do have a few things i'm wondering about and i hope someone here can help me. first baby is due in the end of march... with my daughter i have her dad wasn't involved until she was 3 months and once he choose to be involved i served him with court papers, and visits started just before court. this one will be a little harder as i know this ones dad wants to be involved and its not like i want to be filling out, serving papers and going to court with a new born but will if needed. my question on this one is should i as soon as baby is born serve him with court papers or just allow him visits for a while? my fear of not serving him with court papers right away is that he will serve me as soon as he knows baby is born and ive always been told its better to be the applicant then the respondent.

second thing is .... how will it work going to court for a newborn? with my daughter things started supervised, and worked up to every other weekend. I was breastfeeding, i will also be breastfeeding this one but have heard so many judges now days will tell you to pump and still allow baby to go.... so i'm just wondering how things could or normally do go when going to court for a young baby?

that's all i can think of at the moment although im sure that as time gets closer i'll have many more questions.

[blinkandimgone]

First step would be to drop the word 'allow' from your vocabulary when it comes to Dad. Once that kid is out, it belongs to both of you - you don't have the right to 'allow' or 'dis-allow' anything as he has just as much rights to the child as you do. How would you feel if Dad decided to give and take away your time with the baby at his whim?

Second, instead of focusing on using breastfeeding as a way to keep him from spending a decent amount of time with the baby, you should be encouraging him to spend as much time as possible and bond with the baby from the second it's born and looking for options that support that.

[kirakisses]

I'm not here to be told how to word things I'm sorry i choose the wrong wording .... I'm deal with enough in my life that i don't need to be criticized on how i word things.

second I'm not trying to use breast feeding as a way to take time away from him, I'm just pointing out that i will be breastfeeding and that is harder to do if baby is not home..... it not like i wont pump for him to have the baby but it is hard to pump enough for a long period of time if baby is gone for a say a weekend...... I plan to have him involved with baby and everything like that.... even if i didn't want him involved i don't have a choice on that matter he is the father and will always be the father.

I am only here to find out what to expect from court, and when to deal with it, if i could avoid going to court with him i would but seeing as he will not even talk to me besides blaming me for every one of the issues we had and trying to talk me into going back to him and work on things... i don't see any other options.

[Berner_Faith]

So..why not sit down with him before the baby is born and work out a parenting schedule? Which should be 50/50...if you are breastfeeding now, work it into an agreement that you both will work up to 50/50 custody/access.

Why drag this to court if you two can work it out together? Write up something FAIR and email it to him...ask him for his opinions... the last thing you want to do is try to keep the child from him...that will look VERY bad on you...its a newborn and should have the opportunity to bond with no parents...

Breastfeeding may be important to some, but not to others...he can easily argue that formula can be used. Try to keep this out of court and WORK with him...NOT against him!

[kirakisses]

If you had read my posts right you'd know that he will not work with me to make an agreement. That's why I feel court is the only option. Only thing he ever wants to talk about is "us" cause he still hasn't accepted the fact that I have left and I'm not coming back and when I point that out to him, he just starts in that its my fault that our relastionship ended( I won't go into details).

It's not possible to have 50/50 acess as he works full time. So during the week he's only available during the evening/night. I have no idea what he wants in terms of custody or access as he will not even give me the slightest idea.

[Berner_Faith]

If you had read my post I stated to make up a FAIR agreement and send it to him for his thoughts...initiating court action without trying to come to an agreement first will not look good on you...especially if he proves that you did not try to do this, you could be stuck paying HIS court costs...

50/50 certainly is possible for those who work full time... child care is available... there are MANY parents who BOTH work full time and have 50/50 access... him having a full time job will not hurt his chances of 50/50

[Motorizer]

What Bernet_Faith said.

I've had 50/50 custody of my son since he was 9 months old... While working 50-60 hours a week.
It's not easy, but it can be done.

[kirakisses]

I have no way to get anything to him, he doesn't have internet or access to the net so I can't email him anything the only way I can get in contact with him is by text or phone, and I don't think I could manage to text him any kind of agreement ect.... And I refuse to be face to face with him without a third party and only have certain people who I would want with me and all work horrible hours, as well as him only being agreeable to do anything face to face if we are alone.

I didn't say that him working full time would hurt him in getting 50/50. I just know he wouldn't access it (as he doesn't with his son) I realize there is child care available but he can't afford child care and I don't see a reason for our child to be cared for by someone else when I am a stay at home mom and can care for the child.

I just came here to have my questions about court answered I have dealt with this before.... But have no idea how it works with such a young baby, as my daughter was 4 months when court started, and me and her father came to an agreement between us and our laywers.

[blinkandimgone]

Originally Posted by kirakisses

I'm not here to be told how to word things I'm sorry i choose the wrong wording .... I'm deal with enough in my life that i don't need to be criticized on how i word things.

Ok then, go to court and keep saying using the word 'allow' as if you own the baby, see how far it gets you.

Originally Posted by kirakisses

I have no way to get anything to him, he doesn't have internet or access to the net so I can't email him anything the only way I can get in contact with him is by text or phone, and I don't think I could manage to text him any kind of agreement ect.... And I refuse to be face to face with him without a third party and only have certain people who I would want with me and all work horrible hours, as well as him only being agreeable to do anything face to face if we are alone.

I didn't say that him working full time would hurt him in getting 50/50. I just know he wouldn't access it (as he doesn't with his son) I realize there is child care available but he can't afford child care and I don't see a reason for our child to be cared for by someone else when I am a stay at home mom and can care for the child.

I just came here to have my questions about court answered I have dealt with this before.... But have no idea how it works with such a young baby, as my daughter was 4 months when court started, and me and her father came to an agreement between us and our laywers.

Back in the day they used to have this thing they called the post office. Neat concept really, you can write something on these sheets they call 'paper', put it in these things called envelopes, put his address on the front and take it to the post office. They'll even deliver it to him for you!

It's not up to you to decide whether or not he'll access his time if it's 50-50, nor to decide what to do with the child during his time. If it's his time and he's working then it's up to him to make child care arrangements. Also not up to you to decide if he can afford it or how he will afford it. Stop trying to make all his decisions for him, let him step up and parent. It's the best thing for both he and the baby, and I'm sure you'll find it is for you, too.

Write up a fair offer and MAIL it to him and let him respond with what he wants.

[kirakisses]

blinkandimgone - there is no reason to be rude about any of this i just wanted my questions answered, but i guess i'm better of not asking here anymore seeing as not one person has given me any of the information i asked for.

It's not up to you or any of your business on what i choose to do or how i choose to do it/word it..... as i said i came here to get answers to my questions, not be told how to word things when posting on the internet... nor be told what my ex can/will do about anything.... have a great day ....