Half Time Custody

[kidsmom]

Just wondering if anyone knows what is the usual rulings in regards to my situation.

I have a 18 month old son with my current husband. We have been seperated for a year and during this time he has been awarded visitation of 6 hours in week one and an overnight visit for week 2. My husband has stated that he wants to have our son half time although he has indicated that he does not wan thim when he needs to work. He is farmer so he has two main periods of time when he would not be available for our son.

I feel that half time is not fair to our son since he has been with me since birth and my other child. I dont feel that it is right to see his father for periods of time and then when the season changes not see him for weeks on end. I dont feel that my husband should be able to choose when he wants our son and when he does not. He has already told me to find childcare for 2 days while he was not available and then called that morning to say things had changed. Needless to say I did not jump at his change in plans and he did not cancel the babysitter thus did not exercise his visitation. He has already stated previously in court that he does not want our son on the weekends so that he can focus on his relationship with his other son.

I really dont want to go to court and spend thousands of dollars to fight this if it is a losing battle. I am willing to give him more time but not half time and not when it only suits him. We currently live in the same town but I am thinking of moving, therefore this will cause more kinks in the plan.

Any suggestions or experiences with this??

[billm]

His scheduling idea sounds reasonable given the reality of his life as a farmer.

Your words sound like you think that it is your son, and not both of yours equally, which is the moral truth. It is not your time to give, he has a right to his son up to half time and the schedule that he as a father feels is the best choice is a valid option. If you disagree with his schedule idea, then you need to both compromise, but it is not your decision to make, it is both of yours, so work with him.

If you let a judge decide, then the both of you are not being the best parents you can - who wants a judge to decide how their family is structured? He wants to raise his son, which is his right, as do you, so work with him and recognize and embrace the reality that he does not have a regular job and can't structure things the way the rest of us can.

As for moving,...isn't your family broken up enough?

[standing on the sidelines]

sorry but I come from a farming family and when crops etc have to be done, it has to be done. That is what pays the bills including whatever child support he is paying you. I helped out on the farm at a young age because that was part of life. An 18 month old is too young to help out but when he gets older it will be better. Please do not think that it is a bad thing when your child is expected to help his father on the farm. It really helps build character and it is an experience that leaves good memories.

[dadtotheend]

Let's be clear about something, access is a right of the child not the parents.

Your child needs to have a relationship with both his parents. Both of you should be working to make that happen. If Dad's work schedule prevents him from seeing his child at times, one would hope that you would work around that and give extra time when he is not so busy at work.

Forget what the father was "awarded", the courts know jack about your situation. Your child is not seeing his father NEARLY enough. What suggestions do you have and what are you willing to do to foster a bigger and better relationship between the child and his father? I'm not being rhetorical, please answer that two part question, for the sake of your son.

Thank you.

[dovan]

Originally Posted by dadtotheend

Let's be clear about something, access is a right of the child not the parents.

Your child needs to have a relationship with both his parents. Both of you should be working to make that happen. If Dad's work schedule prevents him from seeing his child at times, one would hope that you would work around that and give extra time when he is not so busy at work.

Forget what the father was "awarded", the courts know jack about your situation. Your child is not seeing his father NEARLY enough. What suggestions do you have and what are you willing to do to foster a bigger and better relationship between the child and his father? I'm not being rhetorical, please answer that two part question, for the sake of your son.

Thank you.

I agree every child should have both parents in their lives, the parents should not involve the child in their petty fights....children act like that not adults. There is a reason why you are considered parents because you are suppose to be the adult and show your children how to grow up with a sense of well being and mature in a normal way. I think you should consider yourself lucky that the father works for a living is responsible and wants to see his children. You really have not clue on what it is like to have a father completely out of the picture that won't pay child support works under the table so that he can avoid paying child support and wants nothing to do with you or the child. I think you should put some thought into that before making the other persons life miserible and not seeing the clear picture here. I apologize for being so blunt but really why make a situation more difficult then it should be.

[yearsgone]

I agree with the rest that your son has a right to spend time with his Dad. Do not use him to get revenge or some day it will come back at you.

That being said, your son's father must learn that when it is his time with his son, it is up to the father to arrange babysitters, not you. That is just part of his time with him. Your ex does not have to arrange babysitters when you go out so why would you have to do it for him?

[dadtotheend]

Originally Posted by yearsgone

That being said, your son's father must learn that when it is his time with his son, it is up to the father to arrange babysitters, not you. That is just part of his time with him. Your ex does not have to arrange babysitters when you go out so why would you have to do it for him?

Agreed, parents have responsibilities as well as rights.

[dovan]

That being said, your son's father must learn that when it is his time with his son, it is up to the father to arrange babysitters, not you. That is just part of his time with him. Your ex does not have to arrange babysitters when you go out so why would you have to do it for him?[/quote]

I agree if you still have a good relationship with your ex whereas you can talk with ease about these issues then bring that point up with him or if not you both could agree to obtaining a parent coordinator to help with these issues.

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

Originally Posted by kidsmom

Just wondering if anyone knows what is the usual rulings in regards to my situation.

I have a 18 month old son with my current husband. We have been seperated for a year and during this time he has been awarded visitation of 6 hours in week one and an overnight visit for week 2. My husband has stated that he wants to have our son half time although he has indicated that he does not wan thim when he needs to work. He is farmer so he has two main periods of time when he would not be available for our son.

I feel that half time is not fair to our son since he has been with me since birth and my other child. I dont feel that it is right to see his father for periods of time and then when the season changes not see him for weeks on end. I dont feel that my husband should be able to choose when he wants our son and when he does not. He has already told me to find childcare for 2 days while he was not available and then called that morning to say things had changed. Needless to say I did not jump at his change in plans and he did not cancel the babysitter thus did not exercise his visitation. He has already stated previously in court that he does not want our son on the weekends so that he can focus on his relationship with his other son.

I really dont want to go to court and spend thousands of dollars to fight this if it is a losing battle. I am willing to give him more time but not half time and not when it only suits him. We currently live in the same town but I am thinking of moving, therefore this will cause more kinks in the plan.

Any suggestions or experiences with this??

Notice how focused you are on your desires and your preferences?
What happened to the rights of the child to liberal access to both parents and the custodial parent’s responsibility to facilitate this?
It is not unreasonable for the custodial parent to accommodate the schedule of the non-custodial parent in this type of situation when the non-custodial parent has a job that is not 9 to 5 mon to fri.

You are talking as if the child was all grown and had a set pattern and now dad wants to disrupt it. The child, if permitted this time with dad, would know no different, to him it would be "normal". IF an access schedule is set such that he can spend as much time as possible with both parents this would be his “normal” and it would be health for him to be a better part of his dad’s life. Why would you want to limit the dad’s access to his child when there are so many non-custodial parents out there that could care less? Or the parent’s that are trying desperately to get the non-custodial parent to take a greater interest in their children? You are in a great position and you have a happy healthy child.
If only you could that you are lucky to have a man that cares!