Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 03-07-2013, 05:16 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 140
E-Gal is on a distinguished road
Default Great news ! Sole custody recommended

I thought I would share my great news about the meeting with the OCL today. She recommended sole custody to me for our daughter and that I would consult with her father and get his input but the final decision would be mine.

The one thing that I believe will be a challenge for both of us is the co-parenting sessions that we are to do. It started ok for the meeting in the room with his lawyer, ex, OCL and myself, and when he was told that he did everything that was asked of him, etc...
He also lied so badly (still) in front of the OCL to try and make me look bad, but I had facts etc, and he got angry when I stated the fact. I got very good advice to be quiet, listen and not speak too much (to be honest the "not speak" was the hardest !) especially when he was lying through his teeth.

Thankfully I had the evidence to show that he was lying. His lawyer was nasty to me.....Told me that I could be earning more, and that "poor" him was not making much money........She told me that I didn't even hold a job....The OCL told her that she was wrong, and his lawyer tried to say that I could be earning more....I did point out the fact that he's reduced his income by $ 12K in the past 3 years whereas I have doubled mine....and she still said I wasn't working enough.. I did tell her that I was anticipating earning more this year.... :-)

Anyway, the good news is our daughter is the winner here - in that she will still be getting supervised visit until she is ready, that my ex (according to OCL) has identified and worked on his problems....

As for Section 7 Expenses...apparently orthodontic treatments, RESPs are not considered. We have a Court order that states that we would both pay for the Section 7 Expenses. and he emphatically agreed with the judge that he would pay and now.....back pedalling and now he said he won't pay.

I suppose I have to reserarch Sec 7 expense and what it covers.

But all in all, while it is a wonderful result - sole custody, because it is the best possible for our child and for her benefit.
Happy.....but sad at the same time...that it had to come to this...and we as adults cannot even sit at the same table and discuss logically.

He was very mad with me in the room, and he couldn't contain his anger....oh well...that's why I left in the first place.

To those of you who helped me with the Custody issue....Thank you....It;s not over yet because we have to do the minutes of settlement and I'm sure I'll have questions still.

This has been a great Forum.
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 03-07-2013, 06:37 PM
hadenough's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,468
hadenough is on a distinguished road
Default

Good for you E-gal. Sounds like a great outcome and in best interests of the child.
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 03-07-2013, 07:16 PM
hadenough's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,468
hadenough is on a distinguished road
Default

.................................................. .............

Last edited by Mess; 03-07-2013 at 07:26 PM.
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 03-07-2013, 07:22 PM
hadenough's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,468
hadenough is on a distinguished road
Default

.................................................. ..........................

Last edited by Mess; 03-07-2013 at 07:26 PM.
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 03-07-2013, 07:27 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Toronto
Posts: 5,448
Mess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the rough
Default

I'm not taking sides here, this is E-gal's moment to enjoy her success.
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 03-07-2013, 07:29 PM
hadenough's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,468
hadenough is on a distinguished road
Default

Thanks Mess. You're right and there are many here who are happy to hear about E-gal's success. She's been through a rough time, as many of us have.
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 03-07-2013, 07:49 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 353
SingingDad is on a distinguished road
Default

Congrats E-Gal I am truly happy for you.

Orthodontics definitely are considered section 7, but I'm not sure about RESP amounts. With any substantial section 7 expense there has to be a discussion about means and abilities to pay the expense. Sometimes it just won't be possible, but if you feel that he is unreasonably withholding payment of an expense you can apply to have the amounts enforced by the FRO.

Some people will never be in favour of any sole custody recommendation.
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 03-07-2013, 09:19 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 69
mr.mom is on a distinguished road
Default

It started ok for the meeting in the room with his lawyer, ex, OCL and myself,

Hi E-gal, were you self represented?
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 03-08-2013, 12:46 AM
wretchedotis's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: ON
Posts: 2,317
wretchedotis is on a distinguished road
Default

Gratz!

But remember it is simply a reccomendation. The final outcome may not reflect it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by E-Gal View Post
Happy.....but sad at the same time...that it had to come to this...and we as adults cannot even sit at the same table and discuss logically.
I can appreciate this sentiment....
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 03-08-2013, 10:04 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 176
sjandme is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

I had a meeting with the OCL at the end of last year. A lawyer was to ascertain our children's wishes. I had to pay my lawyer to advise me (barrage of attacks and threats from my stbx throughout) and accompany me (ching ching)... and the end result was a verbal discussion that went like this...

...the children prefer to live with their mother... the arrangment in place (when my stbx chose to co-operates) was more or less endorsed. (No mention of access vs. custody.)

So there was no gain, a lot of money spent (taxpayers', mine, and his) for getting an outside party to say keep doing what you're doing.

Meanwhile none of this has any teeth. So in a way I was frustrated. Nothing is nailed down and twice since my stbx has not co-operated... so the children did not see him when they should have.

Well... at least I can reference that email with the timelines recommended... It was also recommended that we communicate by email exclusively unless there is some urgency requiring a phone call.. etc. My stbx will rattle on for at least 5 minutes before realizing that the person at the end of the line hasn't made a sound. Plus, if I'm that person, he's usually either complaining, insulting, lying and/or trying to prove something that he thinks will vindicate him (I guess).

It was funny, near the end, I was sitting there and all three lawyers were arguing with my stbx, trying to get him to be reasonable. For a few minutes, it felt like his lawyer was my lawyer.... I guess they really were all thinking about the kids first .... for a moment.

I don't think it helped too much that my stbx's hands were shaking dramatically throughout this 2 hour plus meeting. (He has a longstanding drinking problem.... but is in denial. Thousands spent to successfully fight a DUI a couple of years ago. Substance abuse... it is not good for anyone - especially for the person ingesting whatever. Sometimes a s/a problem DOES exist; i.e. it's not a legal strategy to crap on the OP.)

Meanwhile I do what I need to do. When my kids (approaching adolescence now) feel comfortable enough to tell me a joke that involves their dad... I know I've done good. In other words, they don't feel like they need to tiptoe around me and prove their "allegiance" to me ... their dad is their dad. Of course I'm not going to delude them and pretend he's a wonderful, healthy man... father of the year... I just know that I won't dwell on anything negative with them... it would only hurt; not heal anyone - including me I guess.

Sorry for going on and on... I think I'm at some kind of threshold trying to figure out what to do next... what is necessary, for the best, what's possible (not just fear-driven decisions, wishful thinking, etc.)
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Changing of Joint custody to sole custody williams9444 Divorce & Family Law 8 06-18-2013 11:50 PM
Joint vs Sole Custody SomeGuy Parenting Issues 10 12-25-2012 07:45 PM
Interesting Article on Joint Custody Grace Political Issues 23 03-20-2012 10:35 AM
sole custody question tugofwar Parenting Issues 8 05-14-2010 04:16 PM
Joint to Sole Custody Anne Divorce & Family Law 2 04-28-2007 09:37 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:20 AM.