Going back to court part2

[Gary_P]

Different questions so I thought I would start a new thread.

I am going back to court after 5 years to try to lower my Spousal Support I am trying this unrepresented. I stopped at the court today and picked up the entire package of forms

I have a few questions.

1) I feel guilty as hell trying to lower the payments which is why I have waited so long to even try. This will affect the income in the house my kids live in. For my own financial future I need to do this. How do you prepare, or explain this to the kids, (16,15,10 years) without looking like the ultimate jerk to them?

2) When submitting the forms and explaining the reasons for going back is it logical to "spill your guts" in the court papers for the judge to review? Obviously she/her lawyer will see all of my arguments and have a chance to counter. Is it better to outline the basics and then fill in the holes, make the big argument and add important thoughts in the courtroom?

3) Over the past 5 years I have written her lawyer 3 or 4 times. He has never replied. I have specifically said I am representing myself in the emails and letters. Should this be brought up in my case? Will it look bad for her side or negative on my side and be percieved as completely irrelevant?

More to follow.

Thanks all!

[Mess]

1) Kids shouldn't be dragged into the middle of it, but to the extent that you may have to say something, you explain that the law sets out how much support is paid and for how long and any variation is decided by a judge to be fair to everyone. You explain that you are following the rules and the law and you will abide a judge's decision if necessary. This is nothing personal between you and your ex, it mathematics as set out by Family Law Act.

Keep it impersonal like that, do not blame your ex, do not accept blame for yourself.

2) Put all your arguements in point form. Keep it short and simple. Everything that you theoreticly would bring to trial should be in your application (ideally you may settle this out of court). However don't be overly wordy, give short factual examples to back up points if appropriate but ideally someone should be able to read the application and get the gist of it, not have to read a novel. You may include supporting documents and statements (and should support things like income) and attach them at the back. In your application just put "(see Income tax assessment, attached)" for example.

Try to put all your points in a logical order that naturally leads to a conclusion, don't jump around willy nilly. Don't contradict yourself, for example my ex in one point asked for one thing to be stopped, then the next point required that thing to support her claim. Make sure all your points work together to support your conclusion.

Think of the application as the points that will brought up for conversation, they are not the conversation itself.

3) If you have contacted her lawyer and received no response, then you have tried to open negotiations and they have ignored you. This is what forced you to take this to court. There would be an issue if you were wasting the court's time. Pointing this out will bolster asking for costs. This is not directly related to your case, so it should be a small section at the end.

The issue should be decided on it's own merit, but the fact that you have tried to communicate and been ignored does some weight to your side.