frustrated

[OB1]

My ex wife is telling my kids to more or less lie to me. Just Yesterday my kids told me that thier mom tells them not to tell me where they are or what their. doing. When I called my kids this past weekend I asked my kids what thier doing? They replied by sayng "nothing". Yesterday they told me they went swimming and then went to one of thier mother's freinds place. I feel my kids don't want to tell me anything just so they don' upset thier mom. I can understand this, However, how can I accept thier mom telling them You don't have to tell your dad what were doing. Isn,t what my kids are doing my business. My kids kids are living with her. I just get so angry at seeing them become liars.

[Grace]

Try your best not to put your kids in the middle. It's not in their best interest. Perhaps you could keep the conversation to their school, extra curricular activities for the time being. I often ask about my children's day at school and apparently they do "nothing". Sometimes kids just don't want to talk or simply don't want to be in the middle. Make what time you have with your children special and create new memories with them that you can discuss. Hopefully this phase will pass as everyone readjusts.

[logicalvelocity]

OB1,

I echo Grace's advice on this issue. Perhaps you can speak to your children about future events activities that you have planned for the children.

It appears the children are in the middle. It is best to ease, who knows, perhaps they will tell you on your own free will. No doubt to me that they must feel pressure in the questions asked - most likely because parent "A" has told them not to disclose information.

lv

[baileybug]

Hi there, just a quick thought to add...although I don't know how old your kids are...

We've been through the same thing - my kids don't want to talk to me very much about their day's events... so what we've done is bought two copies of some books - they have one and I have one. Then when they call me, even if they don't want to talk, we still read a story together. That at least gives them contact with me and vice versa, without any kind of pressure.

It's been working well!

[god knows the truth]

Baileybug

What a great idea! No pressure, contact both ways adn it gives a topic to focus on when the stories done. Good goin'!!!

[logicalvelocity]

Bailybug,

excellent idea

lv

[hubby]

Originally Posted by OB1

I just get so angry at seeing them become liars.

Yes, one can become ANGRY when it is clear you are being HURT by the actions of others.

We've heard it said so many times, you cannot control the action of other, however you can control yours and how you respond to it.

Her actions are clearly not win/win and eventually will bite her back, focus on doing whats best for YOU and your KIDS -- that is truly a win/win situation with life coming back to reward you for it.

Hubby