Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 12-08-2013, 02:39 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 146
smileandwalkaway is on a distinguished road
Default "Forced" Family Wizard (or equivalent)

Can you "force" someone to use a service such as Family Wizard with some expectation for success? My ex does not communicate.

Relying on email to communicate was a very easy choice for me. I started doing this years ago. My ex stopped phoning me after I got a telephone conversation recorder. I purchased this to document and protect myself after my ex, his gf at the time, and her family would verbally threaten me. Text messages are rare and when they occur, are appropriate (sent on the road during travel for access).

I've asked ex about subscribing to a communication software system via email and through lawyers when negotiating our divorce. Only once did ex respond by saying it was not possible because he does not have internet access at home.

No one seemed to agree with my thoughts that free internet is readily available in the community and my communication was already email based. I never bothered to mention that ex is a frequent Facebook user (he uses it to communicate with our oldest kid).

It would be nice to have a reliable communication tool to use when there is some child-related information to share or disclosure to give.
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 12-08-2013, 02:24 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: GTA, ON
Posts: 537
Mother is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

In our case Wizard was recommended by the judge. We don't like it but it has its pluses like you can never change or delete what you've sent, which is great. We use it because it was "recommended" by the judge (it was said with the tone and look that is more order than a recommendation) and neither party wanted to look bad by ignoring it.

Last edited by Mother; 12-08-2013 at 02:54 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 12-08-2013, 05:41 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,041
Berner_Faith will become famous soon enough
Default

There have been cases where OFW has been ordered. I believe not too long ago someone posted something along the lines that the excuse of not having access to internet would not fly with smart phones and free wifi all around, plus libraries have internet available.
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 12-09-2013, 08:01 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,587
Serene is on a distinguished road
Default

I have to wonder about family wizard. How does it change things between the parties? I've looked at the online information and I've also had private PMs with others who are dealing with such HCPs (as are we) that the other person refuses to give their user name after signing up. Honestly, I think that would happen with us, the other party is waaaaaaaay to HCP.

We get email after email, after email, after email about some things and then absolutely nothing on other things despite many requests. The problem with the emails we do get, they are hard to understand and change so many times over that it is hard to figure out what is being said and what was agreed to. Of course, the emails we don't get anything back about are normally when she finds herself in a corner and can't talk herself out of it, or she needs to provide us something (like her input on something, or her benefit information or signing a letter to travel, etc.). I can't see how using OFW would change things personally. I think what actually needs to happen is that SHE needs to change lol.
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 12-09-2013, 08:43 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 125
ByMyself is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
I think what actually needs to happen is that SHE needs to change lol.
That may be, but you have no control over that, and you don't have enough time or energy in your life to even try.

Quote:
How does it change things between the parties?
Often the conflict surrounding HC parties is the issue of control. Some are masters at emotional manipulation to get what they want. They bully over the phone, where their webs of lies and deceit go largely unrecorded, thus unnoticed and unpunished. They fire off questionable texts, hoping to draw you into another of their battles, and then once you engage, you are often labelled by them as being the hc party.

Does OFW change things between the parties? It can- depends on how you use it. It does allow the non-hc party to communicate effectively without being manipulated/ bullied, giving them a chance to break free of the conflict as much as possible, and show they can effectively communicate regarding their children. The HC party may behave better, because they know they are "being watched". No deleting emails, denying you read something, etc.

If both parties use it as a tool to try to bait and engage the other parent, then it is no more useful than anything else. Often HC scenarios are a bit of both parents being involved in the conflict. If you don't try to change, don't expect any more from the other parent.

There have been a number of great posts and advice on this forum on identifying and dealing with high conflict ex's. Search and read. Then do it again. There is lots of help with this topic.

How to approach the Family Wizard scenario?

Document your communications, as they historically have been. The communications you have as evidence - do they show manipulation, bullying, lying, "Sorry - I didn't get that email/ text/ etc."? Any evidence of communication problems can help you in your request with the judge.

Try to get your ex to sign up on consent. Maybe even offer to pay their share (it will cost you an extra $100 I believe). If they turn it down, then you will need to seek out an order for it.

If you feel they will not use Family Wizard, or not pick up/ respond to emails frequently, you may need a carefully worded order. It should specify that Our Family Wizard is to be the primary tool for communication between the parties in matters regarding the children.

You may want to include that text messaging should only be used for issues of a scheduling nature, within x hours of access exchanges. Phone calls to be used for emergency basis only, such as emergency medical issues requiring immediate attention, that could not otherwise be dealt with effectively via Family Wizard.

Specify who is to pay for Family Wizard. Specify how often the parties are expected to check for messages, and expected response times.

With a carefully written order, with clear, stated expectations and measurable timelines, it will be enforceable at a later date if the other party decides they don't want to use it anymore, or just ignores the order. Saying "Both parties to use Family Wizard for their communications" isn't enough to be enforceable.
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 12-09-2013, 08:53 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,587
Serene is on a distinguished road
Default

I'm on the fence about this...

Mom says she doesn't check her emails frequently. Which of course is nonsense. She is on her phone constantly she just picks and chooses what she responds to.

She does bait us into lengthy conversations via email. We use the "reasonable test". Meaning, we give info per what a reasonable person would want to know. Often times, she goes overboard wanting to know every stop/place we will visit while on vacation, our complete itinerary to every sight we will visit, etc. for instance. Even sometimes down to the sleeping arrangements, which is ridiculous to say the least. These communications we just ignore. She also asks for the same info over and over and over again.

We also need to justify everything. Recently we asked for her group health coverage info for kids. It was refused unless we justified why we need it. There is only one reason we'd need it: for the kids health benefits! lol

Ah, nothing is easy these days. Nothing. And everything.

I think she just needs a hobby. A hobby different than emailing dad every five minutes about something she already has the info on. And to not expect us to be accountable to her for our every move when the children are with us. It is incredible the sense of entitlement some parents have and for no just reason.
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 12-09-2013, 10:20 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 125
ByMyself is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Mom says she doesn't check her emails frequently. Which of course is nonsense.
Perfect scenario for requesting OFW. Takes the guesswork away for you, wondering if they read the email.

Quote:
She is on her phone constantly she just picks and chooses what she responds to.
Even better reason to require all communications go through OFW.

Quote:
She does bait us into lengthy conversations via email.
We've all been there. With practice you will get better at resisting to respond.

Quote:
These communications we just ignore.
See, you DO have the ability to ignore unnecessary communications... now all you need is to get better at it, and a court order to back you up.

There is a lot to be said for the concept that people will behave better when they think they are being watched. OFW, imo, gives more of that sense than any other method of communicating, similar to both parties knowing they are part of a recorded telephone conversation.

And if your ex is so high conflict, and out of control, that they still abuse communications through OFW - then you have an easy route to produce high quality evidence showing that too.
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 12-09-2013, 10:23 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,587
Serene is on a distinguished road
Default

So there is an audit trail of when messages are sent and received? How do you know when one is sent and received? Do you get an email alert sent to you to log in?
Can you log in from your phone easily? I'm so curious now.
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 12-09-2013, 10:53 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 125
ByMyself is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
So there is an audit trail of when messages are sent and received?
OFW has a "Message Board" where all emails are stored. An Inbox and Sent folder, among others. When you open the Sent folder, there is a column indicating for every sent message, the date of its' first view by the other party. For any sent message, when you open it, beside the recipient's name is (First read: date). When you print the message, this appears as well.

Quote:
Do you get an email alert sent to you to log in?
Not by default, but you can go into the settings and easily add it so that you get an email (it is virtually instantaneous) or text, when an action has occurred on OFW. The actions that you can set to receive notice of, are things like new messages, expenses being posted, calendar changes, etc.

Quote:
Can you log in from your phone easily?
They have apps for iphone and android. I have the iphone app, and it works well for the basic features. If both parties have smartphones, there is no need for texting, etc.
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 12-09-2013, 03:27 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 404
good_mom is on a distinguished road
Default

I do not have OFW but do use a read notification service. It's cheap and you can try it out before you sign up. You can do this now whithout the other party having to sign up or even know about it. It's worth a try...See if it helps....just answer what needs to be answered and ignore the rest.

Best wishes


Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
family wizard advice needed Divorce & Family Law 5 11-15-2013 10:46 AM
Communication Nadia Parenting Issues 20 12-27-2012 11:37 AM
Family Wizard hadenough Parenting Issues 14 05-29-2012 09:02 PM
press release: Ontario's Family Responsibility office Peggy Parenting Issues 8 10-22-2010 11:20 AM
Infant Access and Breastfeeding quake Parenting Issues 31 02-01-2006 06:35 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:51 AM.