As a Father I love my children

[harveygump]

Hi I will give a quick back ground on my problem, and is any one got addvice for me I would realy appriciat it, Thanks in addvance. I have 2 children one is 12 year old girl other is my 9 year old son. me and my wife have seprated for good this time lol and have sold our house, I love my children more than life it self have been there from day one and alway perticpate in every thing they do. they come with me on my days off after school. from 3 to 8 and it take them to there moms, on my weekends off they come on friday after school and stay till sunday at 8. I work with mentaly and phyiscial chalenged peopl. and work 12 hours shifts my scheudule runs like this. One week I work MON,Tue and have wed and thur off then back in for the 3 day weekend fri Sat and Sun. the next week if flooped I have Mon tue off work wed and thur and have fri sat sun off. i work 6 week rotations. and once evey 6 weeks i have what is called a 3 and one with is I only work thursday of that week but i always take it off so it gives me a week off every six weeks,

My question is i would like to apply for joing phisacal custudy of my children for witch are my life and have them live with me on my days off, we live in the same small town about 2 mins apart< my x says it is not good for the kids to live between homes, I see no ill effects on them as they come to my home as it is after school and stay till 8 or 9 and usualy on my days off i took care of them any way as the wife worked 5 days a week and i am home can any one give me addvice on my chances or what directions I should take I am always wanting the best for my children so if this is somthing that is a proven fact that going between homes is not good I would not pursue the avenue Thanks very much and realy appericat your time in addvance.

[Shelda]

I concur with your wife.Children are going through a difficult ime right now with the separation why make them live in another home ? They see you when they want it sounds like which to me seems like there are no set rules for when you are allowed to see them.Good for you and your wife for seeing the importance in the children having you both. Keep up the good work

[anna D]

Dear Harveygump,

This is called Joint custody which can be done. You have to ask your lawyer for this. Also the family courts.

With what you say can't see her not agreeing. You sound like a great father that wants to be involved in his kids life. But you have to be close in living arrangements. as per it does not effect there school and friends.

Now of days most agreeing parent agree to joint custody this means they both will work and talk over children as per what school they can go to. If disagree you can seek mediation to come to agreements then lawyers.

But now it seems to be best way to go Joint custody. Some peole take children in summer and other during school.

I have a friend that lives around the corner from his kids and they transfer back and fourth all the time. So the courts have allowed it

[anna D]

Dear Harveygump,

This is called Joint custody which can be done. You have to ask your lawyer for this. Also the family courts.

With what you say can't see her not agreeing. You sound like a great father that wants to be involved in his kids life. But you have to be close in living arrangements. as per it does not effect there school and friends.

Now of days most agreeing parent agree to joint custody this means they both will work and talk over children as per what school they can go to. If disagree you can seek mediation to come to agreements then lawyers.

But now it seems to be best way to go Joint custody. Some people take children in summer and other during school.

I have a friend that lives around the corner from his kids and they transfer back and fourth all the time. So the courts have allowed it

[Shelda]

Children need and require stability.It is unlikely that the rules would be the same in both houses. If your ex were that alike in how you saw things you probably would not be seeking to be divorced it is common that things are dealt with differently in the different homes.

[billm]

If you want your kids to live with you half the time, so be it. You probably setup the arrangement you are currently living, with the kids mostly at her house, because it is 'normal' for the dad to step out of the picture when the separation happens. Now that you have had some time to think, and some time with the kids at your house, you realize that you are more than capable of raising them, and you and your kids are deserving of your strong involvement in their lives.

Assuming that you both are reasonably capable parents, what is best for the kids is that they have a strong and meaningful relationship with both their parients. The best way to achieve this is primarily to live with both their parents equally. Secondary to this, everone should do their best to put the kids needs first, such as to stabilize their environment - friends, school, communication between parents, etc.

Don't sit and fret over 'what is best for the kids' with respect to living with mom, or living in only one house. First of all, kids can thrive in a two home system, you just have to be sensitive to it. Second, there are somethings that outweigh the whole 'best for the kids' thinking. The whole country operates on the idea that your kids are YOUR kids - for example if grandma and grandpa are relatively young, have lots of money, love, affection, the big house, the right schools, and everyone would agree better at parenting than the parents, no judge, nobody, would EVER even CONSIDER that the kids be taken from the parents home and put in the grandparents home 'for the good of the kids'. So why would it apply here? You two split, but your ex does not get the 'these are my kids' rights, that is split too.

I want to be clear that parents that decide to do the single house thing is totally fine too, the point is that is should be a decision made by both parents, with the default being joint custody (again this whole post is assuming both parents are reasonably capable parents).

Now the reality is that you may have to fight for it, you may have to change your life around for it, and do things that in my opinion are not fair to you, but don't hesitate for one second that you have EVERY right to raise your kids and the only way for YOU to do that is for them to live with you, and your ex needs to embrace and support that idea every step of the way.

[harveygump]

I would lke to take a moment and thank all thoes whoe have replyed to my post,your thoughts and replys mean so much and I realy thinks this is a great site. As a father I always thought it was best to just step back and let the mom decided what was best for my children,all tho the thought of it broke my heart,I now under stand that the inportants of a father in there childrens lives is just as inportant to me and my children (for example I wish i had them here now to help me spell some of these big words ) And as I move forward in my life the inrichment they bring to me is somthing I will always chreish. And can now move on and not blame my self for failing my children as a father due to the break down of my marriage knowing I have done my best and will contunie to do so ( dam there goes the spelling thing I am not so good at again) but on the bright side I feel a little better thanks to this site and thoes who have replyed, againg thanks so much for your time and thought HARVEY GUMP

[Shelda]

Originally Posted by billm

If you want your kids to live with you half the time, so be it. You probably setup the arrangement you are currently living, with the kids mostly at her house, because it is 'normal' for the dad to step out of the picture when the separation happens. Now that you have had some time to think, and some time with the kids at your house, you realize that you are more than capable of raising them, and you and your kids are deserving of your strong involvement in their lives.

Assuming that you both are reasonably capable parents, what is best for the kids is that they have a strong and meaningful relationship with both their parients. The best way to achieve this is primarily to live with both their parents equally. Secondary to this, everone should do their best to put the kids needs first, such as to stabilize their environment - friends, school, communication between parents, etc.

Don't sit and fret over 'what is best for the kids' with respect to living with mom, or living in only one house. First of all, kids can thrive in a two home system, you just have to be sensitive to it. Second, there are somethings that outweigh the whole 'best for the kids' thinking. The whole country operates on the idea that your kids are YOUR kids - for example if grandma and grandpa are relatively young, have lots of money, love, affection, the big house, the right schools, and everyone would agree better at parenting than the parents, no judge, nobody, would EVER even CONSIDER that the kids be taken from the parents home and put in the grandparents home 'for the good of the kids'. So why would it apply here? You two split, but your ex does not get the 'these are my kids' rights, that is split too.

I want to be clear that parents that decide to do the single house thing is totally fine too, the point is that is should be a decision made by both parents, with the default being joint custody (again this whole post is assuming both parents are reasonably capable parents).

Now the reality is that you may have to fight for it, you may have to change your life around for it, and do things that in my opinion are not fair to you, but don't hesitate for one second that you have EVERY right to raise your kids and the only way for YOU to do that is for them to live with you, and your ex needs to embrace and support that idea every step of the way.

From what he has said about his wife,she is Not for this. It sounds to me like he has a good relationship with her which is great. He may start a fight and the kids will suffer.They may end up seeing him less.He should be happy to have them as often as he does. My nephew gets to see his daughter every second week end. That's it.I would leave it alone But if you do try this be prepared to see your kids less as a possibility

[stepmom+mom]

Being envolved as much as possible is a great thing and seeking joint custody is not bad, if both parents are on the same page when it comes to the children. The only problem will be a judge will not even entertain the idea if you and the childrens mother do not get along. Aslo there are changes comming in legaslation when it comes to access and shared parenting. It is gunna be insisted that shared parenting be the first option, because it is very difficult for children when they see their family fall apart but even more difficult when a father that was their every morning or every night is now a person you visit every other weekend.

[Shelda]

Originally Posted by stepmom+mom

Being envolved as much as possible is a great thing and seeking joint custody is not bad, if both parents are on the same page when it comes to the children. The only problem will be a judge will not even entertain the idea if you and the childrens mother do not get along. Aslo there are changes comming in legaslation when it comes to access and shared parenting. It is gunna be insisted that shared parenting be the first option, because it is very difficult for children when they see their family fall apart but even more difficult when a father that was their every morning or every night is now a person you visit every other weekend.

My children love the fact that their Father no longer lives here any longer. The reason we are not together is because we do not get along,and there was arguing ,hense the reason why we separated to begin with.