Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 02-20-2014, 06:16 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 303
OntarioDaddyMan is on a distinguished road
Default False "Status Quo" and Alienation..............

Hello all,

I have a few questions about status quo and alienation. My questions are; a) How to prove a false "status quo" ? The reason I ask is because the mother completely changed everything when she retained a lawyer. no more extra access, no more decision making (even though we have joint custody) and since recently she has been attempting to make false allegations against me (some sort of abuse which is false because I record every pick up and drop off). And as for Alienating me from our child, the mother is purposely and knowingly using every attempt she can to try to distance our son from me by limiting facetime contact between us and cutting it off short when I start asking questions about school and such, she also refused to let him use the Mens washroom with me and pulled him into the Womens washroom (which I find extremely odd and unreasonable seeing as he is 5 yrs old) And its actions like this in public that concern me because I feel that she is acting out and using our child as a bargaining chip. This is not how it was 4 yrs of his life before she got a lawyer.

What can I do ?
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 02-20-2014, 10:13 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,809
Pursuinghappiness will become famous soon enough
Default

Pending a court order, you have assumed 50/50 custody. Its up to you to use it.

First, make out an access schedule and email it to your ex. Tell her that she can make amendments as long as you both get equal time which is what you both are entitled to under the law during separation. Put a date on it for responses and after that time, start following it.

If she denies access on your days...you document it on a daily calendar you should be keeping. You then email her and let her know that you do not agree with her decision to deny your access and that on date xx/xx/xxxx you will be scheduled with the next access time with your child. Let her know that your child has a right to a relationship with you. Rinse and repeat and keep good records.

Make arrangements to take the child to doctor's visits, appointments, and on outings. Keep copies of things like receipts and ticket stubs and attach it to your daily calendar.

One thing that I did because my ex tried similar idiotic tactics was to pick my kid up from school myself. Whether your child is in daycare or school, make those arrangements.

Its up to you to not let her strong-arm you. You need to understand she is not the owner of your child...under the law you have equal access and equal protection. If you pick the child up per the scheduled days and keep him (and I recommend doing so away from the house or wherever she is)...she has zero power to stop you. You have every right to take your kid where you please on your access time. She can't call the cops, etc....you are the child's father.

Too many people (more often men for some reason) let their ex gatekeeper the kids. Be as reasonable as you can with her but bottom line, spend time with your kid out of her presence. Insist upon it and document it.
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2014, 01:42 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,726
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Do you have an order or agreement? If you do, what does it provide with regards to parenting time?
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2014, 03:05 PM
Tayken's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6,563
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

1. Retain a respectable lawyer who has dealt with the issue; or
2. Educate yourself as an expert in the area.

To facilitate #2 start reading:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...ily-law-15139/

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...hildren-15927/

Good Luck!
Tayken
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2014, 05:12 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 303
OntarioDaddyMan is on a distinguished road
Default

Thank you so much for that interesting read Tayken.

Pursuinghappiness- we have an agreement that states that we have "Joint Custody" and I have access every other weekend and every Monday after school and liberal access upon reasonable notice. My ex added that "liberal access" to soften the idea of her having primary status. And I had "liberal access" very often. I made and took him to doctors appointment and attended all his appointments. I played a big role in our childs life. He is 5 yrs old and I have been there since he was born and was always flexible and reasonable with her. Unfortunately, at the time of signing the agreement I could not afford a lawyer and she assured me nothing would change ( which was my biggest mistake). Since asking her to amend the agreement to state that I wanted more time and shared custody ( which was the norm) she lawyered up and changed drastically. Now Im in this 2 yr custody battle and while I am trying to prove that sharing custody of our child is in his best interest, she is doing and saying anything he can so that that does not happen.

Long story short, she has caused conflict in public to try to use against me and constantly lies in her affidavits and briefs. And now she has created a "status quo" and I cant do anything without causing conflict. And the judge (which I find biased) defends what the ex is alleging. For example, when my ex enforced a calendar for our childs summer camp (while the court order stated he was in my care for the week) the judge was on me about why I wanted to take our child out early ? The courts and my ex know I finish work early afternoon while the mom finishes at 4pm and the summer camp was by my ex work which was in the middle of my work and my home. and this is not the first and only time I felt the judge being biased. So I feel I cant impose anything and have to wait it out.
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2014, 05:28 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 303
OntarioDaddyMan is on a distinguished road
Default

Tayken,

I have a few concerns.

1. The exhibits/Tabs that my ex relies on are text messages from 3 yrs ago and are not the full extent of the conversation that occurred at that time. Yet she was able to manipulate the extent of the text/email and twisted it to use against me. How do I professionally dispose them in my updated Settlement conference brief?

2. My ex claims that we should have shared custody due to the fact that our child needs "predictability, stability and certainty". And I can prove that she does not abide by that herself. Is it reasonable for me to prove this in my settlement conference and also provide all the details of my attempts to try to settle outside of court?

The OCL is involved and is doing their investigation. My thoughts are to file an updated brief now with all of that and then another after reviewing the recommendations of the OCL. What are yours or anyone thoughts on this?
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 02-21-2014, 05:45 PM
FB_ FB_ is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,407
FB_ will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by OntarioDaddyMan View Post
Tayken,

I have a few concerns.

1. The exhibits/Tabs that my ex relies on are text messages from 3 yrs ago and are not the full extent of the conversation that occurred at that time. Yet she was able to manipulate the extent of the text/email and twisted it to use against me. How do I professionally dispose them in my updated Settlement conference brief?

2. My ex claims that we should have shared custody due to the fact that our child needs "predictability, stability and certainty". And I can prove that she does not abide by that herself. Is it reasonable for me to prove this in my settlement conference and also provide all the details of my attempts to try to settle outside of court?

The OCL is involved and is doing their investigation. My thoughts are to file an updated brief now with all of that and then another after reviewing the recommendations of the OCL. What are yours or anyone thoughts on this?
Yup the child will be able to predictably know the he will be at your house half the time.
Your child will have stability of BOTH parents in his/her life.
Your child will have certainty that BOTH parents love him/her and want and will be a part of his/her life forever.

Those are very easy to flip around to be in your favor.
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 02-22-2014, 12:44 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 303
OntarioDaddyMan is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FB_ View Post
Yup the child will be able to predictably know the he will be at your house half the time.
Your child will have stability of BOTH parents in his/her life.
Your child will have certainty that BOTH parents love him/her and want and will be a part of his/her life forever.

Those are very easy to flip around to be in your favor.

OMG. Thank You so much. WOW it all makes sense to me now. I was looking to deeply and far into this then need be.

Thank You
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 02-22-2014, 07:41 PM
FB_ FB_ is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,407
FB_ will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by OntarioDaddyMan View Post
OMG. Thank You so much. WOW it all makes sense to me now. I was looking to deeply and far into this then need be.

Thank You

You are most welcome

If you search through some of my past posts I posted my factum with a the justifications for shared equal parenting.

Sent from my SGH-I747M using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 02-24-2014, 12:36 AM
Tayken's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6,563
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

OP:

You are going to a "settlement conference". There is nothing to prove at a "settlement conference". It is a mediated solution at which no substantial issue can be ordered. Please read the Rules and other posts (thousands) on this forum that outline this.

With regards to the settlement conference, I would make an offer to settle setting out full joint custody and 50-50 access based on a 2-2-5-5 access schedule.

If you are not familiar with 2-2-5-5 access schedules, again, search my main threads by simply clicking my name and searching for all my main threads. (You can also use Google and search "Tayken 2-2-5-5 explained" to produce the same result.

With regards to SMS text messages you should have challenged the evidence on a motion or the return of a motion (if brought ex-parte) or finally on a cross motion. Again, they can be challenged as evidence when the matter eventually (if it does) to trial. Also, the relevance of SMS messages from 3 years ago should be questioned.

But, you won't be able to address any of this at a Settlement Conference. It is not a motion or trial hearing. I would focus on presenting a comprehensive settlement offer... Rather than try to "argue" something that the justice can't even address.

The best thing to do at an SC is to request an order for the document disclosures you want for settling equalization (bank info etc...) if you don't have it and to put forward a painfully awesome and reasonable offer to settle.

Good Luck!
Tayken
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
New here - parental alienation alienator_witness Introductions 9 01-26-2013 12:27 PM
Parental alienation: Cdn. study - 1989-2008 kidsRworthit Parenting Issues 10 11-26-2012 03:24 PM
Parental Alienation guitarguy Introductions 4 02-09-2012 12:41 PM
Parental Alienation Grace Divorce & Family Law 16 03-27-2011 10:21 AM
Parental Alienation LostFather Divorce & Family Law 1 06-28-2010 06:11 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:10 PM.