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-   -   Ex will not sign affidavit? Settlement signed (http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f3/ex-will-not-sign-affidavit-settlement-signed-10578/)

coppertop 11-01-2011 04:47 PM

Ex will not sign affidavit? Settlement signed
 
Hi and thanks in advance to all that respond. I AM DESPERATE!

He is in AB and he petitioned for divorce 4 years ago. I am in SK. After 4 years of back and forth I ended up giving it all to him as I ran out of $$ for lawyer. So, we now have the Minutes of Settlement signed by both parties. This was in February of this year.

All that is remaining is the ex to sign an affidavit and he won't because he said he owes his lawyer money and it will cost another $1,000-$1,500 to finish off the divorce. Therefore it hasn't even gone to the judge yet!!

I found alternatives and someone that can lend me money. I offered to pay for the divorce or at lesat asked him to ask his lawyer what $$ is required to get things final. The ex is not even willing to talk to his lawyer.

So, my lawyer said that his lawyer is ignoring her calls and I have now been advised that I can either file here in SK and it will cost me about $1500 that that my lawyer can get it done in about 3-6 months. Or I can get a divorce kit and just do it myself.

My fear is if I start it from SK and he is served, can he contest and open this entire can of worms again? Even though we have a divorce settlement signed?

He is now making noises that he wants more child support and does not take into consideration that it costs me $200 in gas alone to bring the kids (they are older) here. So with what it costs on top of what I am paying to him monthly is close to $500 as it stands.

I believe his fear is (being a realtor) he pulled himself out of the market to show hardship as he was always in the top 10 and the million dollar club. He has very high earning potential and I don't. I am sure the judge might see something there as well? Which I am ok with, because I want nothing but to be divorced!!!

Please someone give me some hope that I will not be married to him for ever!!

Thanks again!!

How can I get this done???? One signature away, 4 years of negotiations, $$$$ and he has put on the brakes?

ddol1 11-02-2011 01:45 AM

first thought I had before I read it was - you have the signed agreement and the lawyers have your money. The do it yourself route is the way to go I think. Doesn't sound right that you just gave up everything (I still believe the ideal of being able to split fair - but in the real world????)

Your questions re the opening up the can of worms - I think will always be there right until the last signature but here in Ontario we have the Family Court houses which we have access to the duty coucncil who are there not for advice but to answer your questions and then there is the help one can get to make sure the right paper work is filled correctly and served to the correct court and people too for that matter. Do you have similar in Saskatchewan?

Next is the Ex settling back and not out there as he was before - could this be a result of now having extra demands on his time taking care of both your children. It takes time and money to make money and maybe he has scalled back some for the kids. Again here in Ontario if you are able to prove that this is not the case and he is scaling back there is a process that has a fair income imputed to the ex spouse who has the education and abiltu to earn more - I never read the max being imputed but somewhere in the middle (something better than nothing???)

So question to you is how did you end up in your position being 6-8 hours apart? My kids are older but I read the issues of others with younger ones and the push 99 out of a hundred is to try and accomplish a 50/50 split custody/paranting arrangement as being the best for the kids - if the parents can get it done...... seems the happiest parents are indeed the one's who put aside those differences to allow good solid shared parenting. It must be hard driving this far every weekend to be with the kids but at the same time your reason for being where you are is what you need to do.

So not much in the way of solid answers. I know provinces are slightly different in some respects not so much in others. Curiosity question is: have you really tried to get to the bottom of why your ex hangs on? If you gave up your rights to the property settlement long ago and it appears your ex ahs full custody and it is working for your family (I assume this on you really did not bring up difficulties aside from the distance0 you pay your CS......... only thing left is emotional ties???

coppertop 11-02-2011 02:47 AM

Well I typed out this long thought out response and it didn't post for some reason.

So I am going to have to put this in short form. Sort of.

Yes, SK is where I needed to be I suffered from PTS after catching him bare butt and all. It rocked my world to the core.

I was a stay at home mom for 17 years. I had an excellent job with the Government and he was a muscian and I supported him for years.

He is very employable. If I can find work, in fact I work two jobs he should be able to find something. On paper I make more than him and he has been in the business for 15 years and part of the million dollar club. I only make about 40K and that is 2 jobs. I didn't start making decent money until 2009 and that is when it all changed. He got wind and our original agreement that we wrote up together and that sat in his drawer for 2 years was null and void.

I left a comfortable lifestyle with nothing and started new hardly knowing a soul. Yes, I was very broken. :-)

wow it really is difficult to lay it out how it all went down. Bottom line is after being bullied and having not enough money to really continue I was exhausted and just wanted it done. My lawyer did try and fight for this and that and wanted me to hire a financial investigator. He also said that this could go to court and I would have to pay his flight..legal costs etc. My goal was to have any assests that I gain protected from him. I do not have that sort of money and honesty I wanted it done done done so I finally signed. I cashed in my RRSP's to pay this lawyer.

I had no bank account, no credit, nothing when I was with him. I ended up closing my account when I started staying at home. I have to say I am damn proud of myself that in 4 short years, I qualified for a car loan, and a small mtge. Something he said I would never be able to do.

I am concerned he got wind that I now own a condo and he wants a part of that too??? I am so paranoid I don't know what to think and I am literally losing sleep and it is affecting my work as of late.

I didn't want any of his blood money and since I left the kids, it is all theirs not mine. His assests and holdings are theirs. To me it felt like blood money.

So now..it is signed and I am still married to him. UGH

I doubt it is emotional ties. He has had a girlfriend for 3 years.

I have only seen the kids about 4 times this year due to new debt and of course I am now paying child support.

Since there is already a file open in AB I am wondering if I can even open up a file in SK. I don't see why not since it was my lawyer that suggested it in the first place.

I have tried to find a SK forum like this but no luck. I hope there is some sort of council I can talk to before I proceed.

It is just so odd to me that when I started to press the issue last week and offered other options he got all worked up and started shooting me nasty emails. It just doesn't make sense. I am able to borrow money to get this done way cheaper than his lawyer can and he is still not interested. He said..what is the rush...why can't you wait until spring? How is spring going to make a difference?

I will just die if I am stuck married to him forever! It just can't be right

Thanks very much for your response.

coppertop 11-02-2011 02:57 AM

I forgot to mention that I have an older daughter as well. She is 24 and has played a huge part in my absence. No he is not held back that much. Not enough to claim only 37 K, with 7 percent comission on ONE house if he double ended the deal? 3.5 if he didn't? Not with his record, not even in tough times

ddol1 11-02-2011 08:34 PM

I think this site is unique in canada. what goes on here though is solid advice from those who have been there and will help you too. You just have to take in the info/ideas build the plan and verify the rules in your neck of the country and do it. I believe you are able to divorce aperson who refuses outright - you file the right papers, you process him (he gets the court papers, hearing is set - he shows or the decision is made in his absence.

From what I have learned - you left. The process will happen in the place you first were seperated/where the kids are living. The fact you live out of province will mean your need to travel I think. I do not think you can get this all done from a distance. If you reask some specific questions and start a new thread you will get your questions answered. You are a strong willed woman (too bad you are so far away!) My experience is the opposite, for her the thought of working overtime is like (_______) a second job? Not going to happen but I can be proven wrong! I was the one to work 3 jobs, 70,80 and 90 hour weeks to get this family going - now I am lucky to get up in the morning, took me 8 days to get to the point I could drive across town (14 min) to get a flat fixed. Today was that day and my backside is screaming at this point! But it is done - I have to kick back a few days to catch up. Hard to be employable in my case - I would give my right arm for it...... Can't even do little jobs for the nieghbours (I do excelllent hands on work at my pace though) They are scared I will break and hurt myself and they do not want the responsability of (even though there is none - but I understand)

Remember your strength and resolve will get you through this. Stick around and become part of this site!! I welcome you!!

coppertop 11-02-2011 08:56 PM

Well the initial process started in AB and my lawyer said for $1500 she could start another from here or I could get a divorce kit. Which is why I am assuming I can petition for divorce here.

If I have to travel back to AB to achieve my goal...then I will.

Though I don't understand..with my lawyer knowing full well the petition started in AB years ago..she would suggest that I file here.....

What questions do you suggest I re-ask to start another thread?

That sucks you have had a rough go..you hang in there too!!

We still have a LONG life ahead of us..this is just a HUGE bump in the road. I'm good with that..I just NEED to get over this one and I just can't do it on my own..which is why I'm putting myself out there. :-)

I have been going over this site quite a bit and have learned alot. Nothing specific to my quest but have learned alot all the same.

Thank you for your response. I hope things improve for you. :-)

ddol1 11-02-2011 11:37 PM

you will have noticced I forgot to say..... what do you ask? On the new thread(s) ?? Everything you ask here!!!

If I want to divorce somebody 4years now who won't go thru with it - how do I get rid of him???? I want my divorce!!!

How do you get a divorce without lawyers? Is there a way to do it myself? (Ok that was a little too open ended!)

Is there a place i can go to learn how to self represent, lawyers have taken all my money and now after 4 years still no divorce!! HELP!!!!

I am in Saskatechewan, is there any one here who knows if there is any self help forums or info to help me get my divorce done myself?

How is that for a start? If you ask a short direct question you are more likely to get solid responses. Learn as you go and your questions will get more meat to them - then you will be cookin girl!!! The fella in AB won't know what hit him when your done! Obvious you didn't have the right lawyer IMHO because I would think it would be done by now. You are smart and determined? You can do this yourself if you are willing to really give iit your all, learn a ton and finally get the sytem to work for you.


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