Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 09-26-2010, 03:38 PM
J_Kitchener2010's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Kitchener
Posts: 59
J_Kitchener2010 is on a distinguished road
Default Ex Wife wants the kids back

Hello All.
I am a father from Kitchener Ontario. My ex-wife and I separated in May 2005 and we have two kids together (boys aged 9 and 7). After we split in 2005, she was arrested for assault against her new partner (the kids were in the house at the time). A year later her boyfriend was arrested for assault against her.
Obviously concerned for my kids’ safety, I took her to court and filed an emergency motion for temporary custody of my kids and won. This was because she refused to get the guy who beat her up out of her life. That was in Sept 2007. After a very lengthy battle in court, she finally proposed a settlement in Dec 2009. In return for my half of the house that had just been sold, she agreed to joint custody with ME having primary residential custody. She agreed to every other weekend and 2 nights per week access. The kids reside with me and attend school near our house.
Their mother lost her license for DUI back in 2006 and still does not have a license or car and has therefore not taken the kids once for a weekly overnight visit. Essentially she only sees them every other weekend during the school year (summers are split 50/50).
She is now making threats about taking me back to court to “get her kids back”. She is no longer with the person who beat her up. I know her motivation is purely financial in nature. I earn quite a decent salary and according to Ontario guidelines, she’d get quite a handsome support cheque every month. She has never been able to hold down a job and is currently on welfare. We know her motivation is financial as she signed away her rights to residential custody just for my half of the house.
I have three questions and hope you can help.
1) What is the likelihood that she’ll get the kids back living with her? The kids have lived with me since 2007 and my new spouse and I had a child at the same time who is now 3 years old. He knows no other life other than having his brothers here… surely that will count for something? We have also just welcomed our second son together (my fourth) and have a very happy and stable home. Does she have a chance at getting the boys back after three years? She has a welfare lawyer as well I believe.
2) I live in Kitchener and she lives in Mississauga. Our divorce settlement clearly states that “transportation will be shared 50/50” but she has barely shared this responsibility and refuses to provide transportation because she doesn’t have her lisence yet. She is always telling people how supportive her large family is but none of them are willing to help her out with transportation. It is quite a strain on me financially to go back and forth with drop off and pickup. What are my options for enforcing this?
3) She has lately taken to refusing to allow me to collect my kids on Sunday evenings but on Monday mornings instead before school. With her house being 70km from me, this is quite an inconvenience. Court order states pickup or drop off is 7pm Sunday night. She claims it is to make up for her lost time during the week. Can she do this? It is going against our agreement and I need to know what my options are.
fficeffice" />>>Thanks for reading my long and involved story. Any help or advice you could give would be very much appreciated.
Thanks
James from Kitchener.
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 09-26-2010, 03:48 PM
blinkandimgone's Avatar
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Lucknow
Posts: 5,227
blinkandimgone has a spectacular aura aboutblinkandimgone has a spectacular aura aboutblinkandimgone has a spectacular aura about
Default

Your new kids won't come into play at all, completely irrelevant to the situation. If the court order states she is to pick up and drop off the children then let her do just that. If she makes no arrangements to pick them up then so be it - that's not your responsibility. If she can't make arrangements now seeing the kids only part time she'd have a very difficult time showing the courts that she could or would be able to provide the better primary residence for the children full time. No, she can't just up and decide to change the visitation schedule on a whim because she wants to make up for lost time or any other reason. If she wants it changed she can apply to have it changed through the proper channels and give her reasons that it is in the best interest of the children at that time.

She may have a case to get some changes made to your agreement but it doesn't sound like she's got a very stable lifestyle to provide the kids or a very strong case for what she's asking for.

Good luck.
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 09-26-2010, 04:00 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,241
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
Default

actions speak lounder then words
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 09-26-2010, 04:28 PM
rwm1273's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Alberta, but would rather be in Africa.
Posts: 518
rwm1273 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

You have a strong case to continue with the sunday return time, as it is a problem for the children's school stability.

If she does not drive, and you are stuck doing all the transportation, you may ask for compensation, however you most likely will have to continue to do the transportation.

It will be difficult for her to get the kids back living with her, as you have had the kids since separation. Until she gets her life sorted out, her life style will play some role in her time with the kids. As for her making threats to take you to court to get "her kids back" is just hot air. But it can cause you great legal expenses if she wants to go down that path.

Is there any reason for her to continue to reside so far from where you live? Unless the distance between the two homes is reduced, it makes any shared parenting situation difficult to work out.

As for her claiming to want to keep the kids to make up for missed time during the week, she is breaking the court order.

Unless she increases her time with the kids to more than 40% of the time, then she is not entitled to have any reduction in support obligations, and you have no obligations to support her.
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 09-26-2010, 04:53 PM
J_Kitchener2010's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Kitchener
Posts: 59
J_Kitchener2010 is on a distinguished road
Default

Thanks for the advice everyone. It is pretty much what I suspected however I guess I have a dilemma:

Is it in the best interests of the children for me to rigidly uphold the agreement and insist that my ex does her part in transportation? This would mean refusing to bring them on a Friday to her house because she can't get transportation, which happens a lot. On the few occasions I've refused due to work or other reasons, she threatens me and harasses my spouse and I with phonecalls, emails, and threats telling us we abuse the kids etc. Nasty stuff. Or should I just keep providing transportation. I'd hate to go to court and have the judge yell at me for being inflexible. Because this will go to court, believe me.

Also she does not pay support - I waived it. On welfare she would fall below the threshold i believe.

Anyone have any similar experience to share? I want to take this back to court because it is affecting the kids and our family as whole and it would be nice to hear of similar experiences. Every weekend that my ex takes the kids results in some sort of issue and eventually leads to a slew of abusive emails. She told us today in an email that our 7yr old son told her we put ear plugs in our ears at night to drown out the cries of our week old baby boy and it keeps the kids up at night...??!? There isn't even a shred of truth to this. In fact it is insane and I know my son would not come out with that. This is that craziness that we deal with on a regular basis.

She keeps telling me that our kids "hate living with their dad" and are dying to go back to her. We know this isn't true. Our house is full of love and stability. Since the kids came to live with me there have been noticable improvements in school grades, social interaction and general behaviour. The OCL made recommendations for sole custody for me, the father, but we never got to trial and settled before we could use their report. I know she is poisoning their minds and putting words into their mouths and it kills me to see this happening. The kids love it here and tell me that all the time. What can I do?

Anyway some insight is greatly appreciated as always.

Thanks for listening.
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 09-26-2010, 05:01 PM
blinkandimgone's Avatar
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Lucknow
Posts: 5,227
blinkandimgone has a spectacular aura aboutblinkandimgone has a spectacular aura aboutblinkandimgone has a spectacular aura about
Default

IMO, it's in the best interest of the kids for her to step up andbe a responsible parent and stop causing all the drama. When you let her off the hook as you have with respect to child support, transportation and other responsibilities you're enabling her behaviours and that typically tends to make it worse. Hard as it may be, stand your ground as per your agreement and don't let her treat you like a doormat.

I think there are definately times when one should be flexible and accomodating when the need arises, I don't think this is one of those situations. I don't mean to sound harsh but people only treat you as badly as you let them. Stop accepting the behaviour and she no longer gets the satisfaction she's looking for by disrupting your life, your childrens' lives and your family's life.

If she has concerns about what goes on in your home, like she says, let her take you to court and she can provide proof of the issues. Judges aren't stupid, and be sure to keep track of those emails, consider taping your conversations with her and any other communications you have to cover your ass.
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 09-26-2010, 05:07 PM
InterprovincialParents's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 908
InterprovincialParents is on a distinguished road
Send a message via MSN to InterprovincialParents
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by J_Kitchener2010 View Post
What is the likelihood that she’ll get the kids back living with her? The kids have lived with me since 2007 and my new spouse and I had a child at the same time who is now 3 years old. He knows no other life other than having his brothers here… surely that will count for something? We have also just welcomed our second son together (my fourth) and have a very happy and stable home. Does she have a chance at getting the boys back after three years? She has a welfare lawyer as well I believe.


You have a fantastic case for keeping the status quo;
-have the kids lived with you for the last 3 yrs
-have other siblings in the house who have/will have a bond with the child(ren) (congrats!)
-her access has not been followed as per order granted
-she has proven unwilling to follow current court order regarding transportation, making you pay full (not in child's interest)
-she has not shown the ability to mentally, emotionally, or (and often more important when it comes to the children) financially support herself, which would lead to the question of her plan of care for the child.

She has an uphill battle to try to push the issue in court without changing a few things about herself!

Quote:
Originally Posted by J_Kitchener2010 View Post
I live in Kitchener and she lives in Mississauga. Our divorce settlement clearly states that “transportation will be shared 50/50” but she has barely shared this responsibility and refuses to provide transportation because she doesn’t have her lisence yet. She is always telling people how supportive her large family is but none of them are willing to help her out with transportation. It is quite a strain on me financially to go back and forth with drop off and pickup. What are my options for enforcing this?


Keep a record of each trip, gas, etc...that you provide transportation for, and send her a monthly "bill" with receipts (ie gas). Ask that she remit her share to you within 30 days. Do all this via email so that you have the paper trail. If it ever goes to court, you can ask for this amount retroactive to the date you made her aware of payment being required. If she does not start court proceedings, you can file a motion to have it enforced, but if she is not working, there is not much you can do about it, and it would cost you more in court fees than it would be worth.

Quote:
Originally Posted by J_Kitchener2010 View Post
She has lately taken to refusing to allow me to collect my kids on Sunday evenings but on Monday mornings instead before school. With her house being 70km from me, this is quite an inconvenience. Court order states pickup or drop off is 7pm Sunday night. She claims it is to make up for her lost time during the week. Can she do this? It is going against our agreement and I need to know what my options are.
She cannot. Her obligation is to follow the court order, and if she does not like it, reach agreement with you to change it, or apply to the court for a variation of access. I tend to agree that driving the kids from Miss to Kitch through the winter months could raise issue with school attendance on Monday mornings and will require the early mornings..not good. What, specifically, does your court order say? If it spells out precise times, she can not unilaterally change this. I would recommend sending her a letter that states, basically,

"As per our court order, I will be picking up the child at 7pm on Sundays. Please have them ready at that time. If the child is not available at that time, I will be left with no choice but to apply to the courts to enforce this clause, and will also seek costs both for the transportation, and the court application"
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 09-26-2010, 05:26 PM
dadtotheend's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,644
dadtotheend will become famous soon enoughdadtotheend will become famous soon enough
Default

Based on what you say, there's not a snowball's chance in hell that she's going to make significant changes to the children's routines.

It's astonishing that she would be making these waves given the weakness of her bargaining position. That to me screams personality disorder. But I digress.

You signed off on CS and sole custody in order to cut a deal that keeps the kids with you, which was more than fair to mom. Some might argue that in the circumstances you allowed too much to her.

Look where it has got you today.

You are bending over backwards to support your children's access to their mother, only to be rewarded with abusive and unreasonable behaviour, both to you and your kids (by alientating them). Keeping them arbitrarily until Monday morning (not good to be driving kids so far too school on Monday mornings!)?! DUI, can't keep a job, welfare. What a loser.

Now you are not on a level playing field because she has free legal representation and you will have to pay or self represent.

I would go straight back to the court ordered parenting schedule and let her challenge it if she wants.

Regarding the transportation, I would set it up so that the parent receiving the children does the driving. If she can't find a way to get that "supportive large family" to help her out then she can take the f'n bus and visit them in Kitchener for day trips.

If I were you, I would let that deadbeat know who's boss - not by calling her that or antagonizing her but by going straight back to the court ordered agreement until she figures out what time it is.

Last edited by dadtotheend; 09-26-2010 at 05:28 PM.
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 09-26-2010, 08:52 PM
J_Kitchener2010's Avatar
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Kitchener
Posts: 59
J_Kitchener2010 is on a distinguished road
Default

Thanks again all of you... your advice is extremely helpful. It is her pickup next Friday so we'll see what happens.

Any further comments are welcome.
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 09-26-2010, 11:20 PM
rwm1273's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Alberta, but would rather be in Africa.
Posts: 518
rwm1273 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Don't engage her in any discussions. She has already tried to wind you up, and this only causes more stress. Any discussion you have with her would twisted to make you look bad.

As others have said, send her emails. But again don't engage her in discussions. Just give her facts and how they relate to your child. Again any emails will be used against you if given a chance.

Just because she has a lawyer does not mean she will win. You have been the responsible parent, and you continue to be so. Many people do well representing themselves. If you need any assistance with the documents, you can hire a paralegal much cheaper than a lawyer. There are also a few people on here who have posted that they can assist people who need a hand understanding how to file documents, and dealing with court specific issues. Perhaps you can pm them for specific help.
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Not sure if ex is trying to bully me Melora Financial Issues 10 07-31-2010 11:38 PM
Should we allow the kids to stay overnight? Genxer Parenting Issues 50 07-14-2010 01:28 AM
Wife took kids and left URGENT anonwhocares Divorce & Family Law 9 04-17-2010 09:34 AM
Chances of a Judge agreeing to go back to original agreement canniiee Divorce & Family Law 10 10-20-2009 02:37 PM
Worried he's going to take the kids again.... jlalex Parenting Issues 4 06-22-2006 07:24 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:13 AM.