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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 06-17-2014, 12:40 PM
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Question ex overriding final agreement

How best to handle?

Hi all,

I received final divorce on consent in early 2014. Took 2+ years, so I was happy to have things over.

There are already issues, and I’m trying to figure out how to best address them. She seems to be completely neglecting the agreement, and doing as she pleases. I’m fully aware what my rights are (ie the agreement), but I’m trying to figure out how to get what's mine, without massive conflict.

I’d like to add I’m business like in my emails to her, and write the email, read it, then send it. There is no in person conversations, and no texting.


Background:

joint legal custody

“….Minimum Every-second weekend and one-half of all holidays….”

My work schedule is out of town one week on, one week off, so we have been alternating summer weeks

“…each year commencing XXXX 2014, child support to be adjusted in accordance to income…”

seems simple enough?

The Problem:

Sent her a copy of my income tax, notice of assessment, and form 15D filled out, for consent to change support (reduction of $75 a month, from $1300 a month – one child). First email, no reply, second email 2 weeks later, no reply, 3rd email a week after that, still no reply. Ignoring me.


Sent her the information to initiate RRSP transfer from my account to hers, as per final agreement. She doesn't have an RRSP account set up yet. Told me next week a few times. I’m collecting interest on her share, so I'm indifferent. Just part of a pattern.


She tells me that her week long summer vacation is during one of my vacation weeks in July, and she would be keeping him for the week. I would be willing to trade for some other times during the summer - gave her a few reasonable options, and she ignored me. Again emailed her 3 times, once a week, no response. Just got an angry response how I can tell our son that their plans are cancelled…


Then tells me that he’s going to summer school for the remainder of July, so I can start alternating weeks in August. I asked for some printed information for the school, dates, times, location.... Only received a snarky message in response to this.


Also unwilling to make a schedule for the remainder of the year for access. Like holidays, etc.

The Closer....

I'm assuming she’s angry – but that's not my problem, I just want things resolved for a block of time - minimal contact, and to keep it that way. There are a host of other small things, like sporadic phone access, school photos, that I didn't bother to go into details on here.

Ideally, her and I could work together and be co-parents, but its in the cards right now.


I’ve tried the nice emails, I’ve tried the in case you forgot emails, and finally the action or I’m going to have to do something about it email.

Can anyone suggest what to do about this situation - to bring resolution without me spending tens of thousands more on lawyers, and without things dragging on forever??
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Old 06-17-2014, 01:32 PM
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Try very hard (not to collect the interest anymore) and transfer the RRSP

I would stay clear of "looking unable to get along for Joint"

Nobody will care about a 75 dollar/month reduction is CS (understandably you do)

There's nothing you can do about access other than documenting it. It seems you are sort of "getting along" doing access.

I have no idea what your Separation Agreement terms are, but most Support Payors with Joint tend to want the "offset" (rightfully so) and the Support Reciever doesn't want the offset thus the fight.

You have a fresh agreement don't be in a hurry to "enforce the terms" because it looks bad. Document the access for a few years (to cover your arse) wait and see if the ex finances improve (I assume it's zero)

School photo's like school report cards ( your ex and a judge will tell you go get them yourself) even if it's in a agreement that she'll provide (just get them yourself save yourself the hassles).

Use the phone chats sparingly (like when your out of town) or wishing Happy Birthday. Like you said minor issues

Your already looking unreasonable by launching a 15D along with a snow storm of Emails, let some water flow under the bridge.

Last edited by MrToronto; 06-17-2014 at 01:48 PM.
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Old 06-17-2014, 02:00 PM
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Thank you for the advice, allow me to add some details:

She took him 300km away, and I didn't file a motion, so he lives out of town, I'm responsible for all transportation in the final agreement.

We have legal custody, but she has physical custody, i have access.

Because of the amount of driving I see him for the day one weekend, then Friday to Sunday the following weekend. I also work full time as a manager, and am a full time masters level student. This is why loosing half the summer is a real disappointment - actually have the chance to spend quality time together.


He is 9; once he is older I can get information from him - example, he pays soccer and she will not tell me the team or schedule, I'm currently trying to get his schedule from the league, same with the report card and school photos. I have bought him his 3rd iPod in 2 years to talk directly with him. The other 2 went into the washing machine....


Last year I had to use my lawyer to "keep Christmas" when it was my turn, but she had family in town, and thought it was in sons 'best interests' to spend it with them.


There was beginnings of OCL involvement (ie requests made), custody disputed, access denied for me, income imputation, etc all involved. Then there was a sudden settlement - she ran out of lawyer money.


So I suppose I'm trying to keep the boundaries that were agreed to....
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Old 06-17-2014, 05:09 PM
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You have an agreement, IMO do not let things slide. Approach your ex and suggest mediation immediately to ensure you both clear up any misunderstandings.

If he needs summer school he might be able to go to summer school in your area. Contact his school and see if summer school was necessary.

If he does need to go to summer school then travel to his school area and find a hotel and stay there with him during your weeks vacation. Summer school is usually only 1/2 days and you can help him homework and then spend the afternoons and evenings having fun.

Do not lie down and let her dictate or you will never regain your time.
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Old 06-17-2014, 05:34 PM
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Access parent typically does all the pickup/drop off's (custodial parent doesn't have to) (unfair again) but it's in your agreement anyways so you say.

Moving away 300k was or wasn't forseen in your agreement?

If it wasn't then there will be a deduction on CS for the expenses incurred doing your access.

The longer you sit on it the more likely a Judge excepts that you don't mind spending 300 bucks extra every month to see B9

The other problem is having joint and the ex unilaterally reducing you to a access parent by moving.

Going to Court the ex will say because you did nothing about the move (and various other reasons like it's good for junior) the status quo should be maintained.

if your ecstatic being rid of your ex you may also be comfortable being a access parent EOW, it looks like your paying full support anyways. As it sits everyday that goes by the less likely joint will be maintianed.

B9 will be about 11 when this winds through the Court, your ex of course will hate every 600 km round trip to attend the proceedings. (thats a good thing)

The second option is enforcing your Joint rights under your agreement. With the loss of CS to your ex for the expenses to do the access.

Your ex has you set up for failure anyways, and documenting every missed access or agreeable change, Not too many people do 600km round trips for access especially in the winter.

The third option Move closer and try to carry out the agreement terms (after protesting about it with a letter or 2)

Don't blame you for being sick and tired of the B.S you've got a malicous ex and a Court process that blows that really doesn't give a dam about agreements unless you force the matter.

Of course forcing the matter means the ex turning the child against you (which she's already doing by moving away).

If the FRO is involved ask your ex to consent to a change with FRO for the added expense for access (get a dollar amount for that and add 100 bucks for winter) I guess thats the first documented move to make, which is trying to resolve things out of Court but at least your trying.
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Old 06-18-2014, 01:18 AM
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She moved away the day I told her it was over. She said she would share the driving, and never did. That was in 2011, and I've been driving it ever since - 50,000 km a year on my car, between son and work.


Quote:
Originally Posted by MrToronto View Post
If the FRO is involved ask your ex to consent to a change with FRO for the added expense for access (get a dollar amount for that and add 100 bucks for winter) I guess thats the first documented move to make, which is trying to resolve things out of Court but at least your trying.

I'm going to start putting him on the bus in the next 6 months or so. Its a direct route, nothing but flag stops, and he is already old enough to travel as an unescorted minor.


I can't get her to repay me the $450 I had to pay to the daycare when he was about to get kicked out for non-payment!

Or for her to give me his expired passport so I can submit it with application for a new one.

Things that a normal person could handle - none of that stuff is in the agreement - the agreement is 12 points, and 1.5 pages long. Not that she follows it any ways


I'd be happy to get regular phone calls, no bs access, and no drama.

She is always telling me "we don't need you in our lives". My response "He needs me, and I need him, you don't factor into things"
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Old 06-18-2014, 01:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachnana View Post
You have an agreement, IMO do not let things slide. Approach your ex and suggest mediation immediately to ensure you both clear up any misunderstandings.
I'll try that route.... not sure how to get her to it. If she just ignores me as usual, can I request it via court?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachnana View Post
If he does need to go to summer school then travel to his school area and find a hotel and stay there with him during your weeks vacation. Summer school is usually only 1/2 days and you can help him homework and then spend the afternoons and evenings having fun.
Looked it up tonight - University dorm rooms are $80 a night for a 2 room suite with free breakfast. That's actually a great idea, and it hadn't crossed my mind that summer school is only a half day. I'm assuming he needs summer school - but I will also follow up with the school. And he is always talking about wanting to live in residence, and have transformer posters on the wall
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Old 06-18-2014, 02:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by me_vs_HCF View Post

She is always telling me "we don't need you in our lives". My response "He needs me, and I need him, you don't factor into things"
Do you have her saying that to you in writing, like email? You should really use email and not phone calls with her, because it would be easier to capture gems like this in documented conversation. That can only help you in court proceedings.

Refrain from your own "you don't factor into things" comment, as obviously she does.
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Old 06-18-2014, 02:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dad2bandm View Post
Do you have her saying that to you in writing, like email? You should really use email and not phone calls with her, because it would be easier to capture gems like this in documented conversation. That can only help you in court proceedings.

Refrain from your own "you don't factor into things" comment, as obviously she does.
It's all on email. Hundreds and hundreds of emails, tons of freak outs and emails that contradict each other. We don't talk in person or on phone, or otherwise for at least a year and a half now. I don't text with her either.

I have a final agreement, and really don't have it in me to change things, it is what it is. I just want her to follow it, as she expects me to follow the financial payments to her.

I know once son is a little older it will be a lot easier, as I will be able to circumvent her gate keeper activities.
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Old 06-18-2014, 12:57 PM
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To set up mediation you go to The court house, family law services and ask for mediation services. You make an appointment and then you have a free 1/2 intake session with the mediator. The mediator then approaches you ex and asks her to do,the intake session. Then you have 1 hour free mediation,and then its a pro rated costs based on income. Sometimes if,it looks,like,there is an agreement coming through they will continue there and then. The mediator writes a report and you can use it in your case.

So make the first step and set up mediation,and let her refuse the mediator. Then you have it on record.

In the intake session the mediator will ask lots of questions and want to know what you hope to achieve in the mediation. You can take in your plan and give them a copy, also take a copy of,the agreement. It seem to be very child centred so that is a good first step. One the mediator will want to see.

Have fun at school this summer! No bunking off!
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