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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 08-06-2015, 11:11 PM
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Default Ex not paying S7 - options?

Okay everyone, I'd appreciate some advice on this situation.

Background: one kid, 50/50, offset CS and S7 proportionate to income, I am the net payor. Divorce order says S7 will be reconciled twice a year, June and December. Because I pay most of Kid's extracurriculars, reconciliation always results in ex owing me money. In the past we have dealt with this by me deducting the amount ex owes me from the offset CS payment by mutual consent.

The situation: Our order says we reconcile S7 in June. As of now, it hasn't happened. There is no disagreement as to the appropriateness of S7 expenses or about the amount ex owes me, which is less than $100. However ex says he is not going to pay me this time, because reasons.

The context: In June we had a disagreement about how to calculate the income ratio for S7. Our calculations differed by half of a percentage point, if anyone cares to read about it just search an earlier thread from me about how to round numbers. We arrived at a compromise which gave neither of us exactly what we wanted but which both of us could agree to. Ex is still mad about this.

Ex says, in pretty much exactly these words, that he is not going to pay me his share of S7 because he believes I will not pay for Kid's after-school care in the fall and so he is justified in not reimbursing me for my S7 expenditures. He has also said that he is holding back S7 because I "do not respect our agreement", but has given no explanation about what is not being respected. If this sounds crazy, it's because it is. I might add that I have always paid S3 and S7 on the day and to the penny, and have also always paid Kid's out of school care costs fully and promptly.

I suspect the real issue is that he is broke and still angry. His stated reasons make no sense.

I have said (repeatedly) that I am willing to discuss his concerns, whatever they may be, but that refusing to pay S7 is not an option. I have asked if he would prefer to have me deduct from S3 as in the past, or give me a cheque, or suggest some other payment option. In return, I've gotten a stream of insults and vulgarities. Apparently I have been turning Kid's caregivers against him, fabricating emails, trying to take his money, lying to everyone, and am too stupid to do math, as well as being prissy because I object to being addressed with four-letter words.

The amounts involved are not great - he owes me less than $100 - but it's one of these don't-give-an-inch situations. I have learned from experience that if I give in on anything to keep the peace, it just encourages the crazy.

The question: what kind of trouble would I have if I just went ahead and deducted his share of S7 from upcoming S3 payments? I know that mixing CS and extraordinary expenses is considered a no-no, but I'm wondering if it might be justifiable in this case because we have a precedent for reconciling this way, and we agree that he owes me the money. He just refuses to give me the money because, again, reasons.

Opinions? Or other options which I may not have thought of?
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Old 08-06-2015, 11:34 PM
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You go girl. Deduct it.

I don't know shit about child support stuff but can't you go through MEP?

Life is too short to deal with aholes like this. Pay what you think is correct and let the MEP people deal with him.

What an idiot! Don't engage. If you go through MEP you don't have this carp to deal with.
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Old 08-07-2015, 09:28 AM
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OP....having read all that, it will seem that your ex is definitely angry about something else which you haven't mentioned here, considering you 2 have 50-50 and you are the payor.

You are right that you CAN NOT deduct from child support payment to make up for deficeit in S.7 costs.

Option: If you 2 have agreed to certain extracurricular activities, before & after program....why not individually then pay the providers? That way your ex doesn't think you are trying to pull a fast one?

When it comes to S.7 in our case (am the payor), this issue is non-existence as we both personally sign up for activities, and all the other parent has to do inform ahead of time and make themselves avail during their parenting time. After school is paid by the parent who's week it is.

Medical, dental and the like is covered by me due to having a better coverage. Summer camps work the same way, and so does any school meals.

It's petty fighting over a minimal fee on a monthly basis, especially when you know a positive outcome is a wishful thinking.

Good luck
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Old 08-07-2015, 09:36 AM
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Do you pay him for daycare in the fall? If so can you take it off that?
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Old 08-07-2015, 11:29 AM
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Rockscan - we both lay our share of child care directly to the provider. I used to pay it and then get reimbursed by him, but that led to so much hassle that we switched to direct payment.

Everafter: I'm sure he's angry about something. I think it's because he had to compromise on the S7 ratio going forward, but it could be because his car has been repoed, a dog bit him, or because the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars. Whatever. If it's something related to Kid, I've said repeatedly that I'm willing to talk about it, in person or with a mediator. But the replies I get are just rants about what a terrible person I am.

The closest I've gotten to an explanation for why he won't pay his share of last year's S7 is "because I think you might not pay [childcare provider] in the fall so I am holding back the money in case I need it".

I've said at least three times that refusing to pay agreed-on S7 expenses is not an option, and asked if he has a preference for how to pay it: deduction from S3 as we've done in the past, giving me a cheque, or some other form of payment. I've gotten no reply.

Given that there's no disagreement about whether he owes me the money or about the amount owing, that I've given him ample time to let me know how he's going to pay, and that we've used S3 deduction the last couple of reconciliations, I am still thinking about just deducing from S3 in September. He will have a fit, but he will have a fit no matter what I do.

Long term, I suspect the only way to stop this nonsense from repeating is to get on MEP. I'm going to call them this morning to see if our order is adequate for them to enforce. It just says that we pay each other offset CS and share S7 proportionate to income, with income recalculated every year, but it doesn't have dollar amounts written in. I need to find out whether MEP can perform the yearly calculations with our financial info or whether I would need to resubmit something every year. I would gladly pay my offset CS through MEP just so I don't have to go through this again and again over trivial amounts of money. If he has a problem, he can take it up with them.

I'm rambling a bit here - thanks to anyone who read this far!
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Old 08-07-2015, 11:44 AM
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If youve done it before I cant see why you cant do it again!

MEP is better than FRO from what I understand so might be easier. Prepare for THAT ranting email though!
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Old 08-07-2015, 01:38 PM
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I think fighting(thinking about) less than 100$ is stupid.
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Old 08-07-2015, 01:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
I think fighting(thinking about) less than 100$ is stupid.
I agree. That's why I hope I can get this order registered with MEP, so S3 and S7 can go through them and I don't have to waste time dealing with this stuff in the future. There's no disagreement about whether or not he owes me money or about the amount owed - there's just the refusal to pay, because, as I said, reasons.
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Old 08-07-2015, 02:22 PM
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I totally get the fighting over a couple of bucks though. Especially with your ex. Giving in gives him an inflated sense of self righteousness and just creates more problems down the road.
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Old 08-07-2015, 02:43 PM
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^^^ unfortunately yes. I gave in on a few things early in, in order to keep the peace, and the response was "at least you've acknowledged how wrong you were about a, b, and c; and you are also completely wrong about x,y, and z". If I give in more, it just feeds his conviction that he is always right and I am always wrong, and that in turn fuels the crazy. There's no concept of a truce, or that not everything is about being right or wrong.
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