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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 09-10-2009, 08:37 AM
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Default Ex keeps filing false police reports and not following court order

What can be one or has anyone ever had an ex who continued to call the police and involve them in disagreements or make things up in order to have a police incident report put in so that they can try to use them in court??

I don't understand police incident reports.. they can't hold that much weight in court because what is stopping people from lying in them.. it's the same he said she said battle.

I have a court order that states I can speak to my daughter with unlimited telephone access at reasonable times up to 7:30pm. Sent my ex a text message (as that is how all communication is suppose to be and through a communication book and she will not give me the home phone number so I have to text her and she has daughter call me) at 3pm. Last I was informed she was unemployed and was the one who would be picking our daughter up and dropping her off at school. School ended at 2pm the day this happened and they live a 3 min walk from the school. I did not get any reply and had to get back to work. I sent a total of 4 text messages between 3pm and almost 6pm before she finally replied at 6:20pm to say they were not home. I sent one more to ask if she knew how long that would be because I had to leave soon. No reply. My daughter called at 7pm I spoke to her for almost 15 mins. My ex makes sure she gives me little time to talk to my daughter by doing this and taking time away until 6 or 7pm and making a small window. My daughter mentioned something about going to daycare after school.

I asked to speak to her Mom.. we are suppose to communicate through text message for access and phone calls and through a communication book for everything else. Unfortunately by the time I see my daughter again and get the book it will be eleven days, then she is with me for two days, then I would have to wait another eleven days before I get the book back and that would only be IF her mom is going to give me this information as she feels I don't need it. That would be close to a month before I knew if she would give me this info or not. She took the phone knowing it was me, we spoke and she lost it saying I didn't need to know this and that she was charging me with harassment because I would not stop texting her. She hung up and I sent one more text at just after 7:15pm asking if I could say goodnight and I love you to my daughter as I was not given the chance and she did not reply and I did not send anything else. So I sent a total of 6 messages, 4 she did not reply to, 1 asking for a time frame and 1 more to see if I could say goodnight to my daughter. Is this harassment?

What can I do because I have a court order that says I have the right to the daycare info and she will not give it to me... I have an order that says I can pick my daughter up as early as 3pm on my weekends which I put in the order request because she lives an hour away and I dont' even own a vehicle and she does and she was the one who wanted to move so I borrow a vehicle to go get my daughter.. and she will not let me pick her up any earlier than 5:30pm which was the set time of the pick up with the stipulation of the above.. and I have unlimited telephone access but she makes sure she ignores all my messages until I have only an hour left for a window to talk to her.

And now this is the 3rd time she has called the police with false information. The first time she said I "shoved her" when in fact she was standing in front of the vehicle that had our daughters car seat in it and while we were fighting I pulled the seat out of the car to put it in my friends as I was taking our daughter for the weekend and didn't know she was right behind me and accidently shoved myself back and into her. The second she said I was going to "kidnap" our daughter when in fact her and her fiance moved our daughter without my full consent but she says I signed a piece of paper saying she could and by that she means I sent an offer to settle before our court date that said I would allow the move as well as many other things but she took only that part and went with it when in fact it was a package deal, so she moved our daughter, pulled her from school, disconnected her cell phone and I was told by her finace that if I wanted to talk to her or our daughter I had to ask him first and he would "deem if it was necessary". They took away 1 day a week of my access and made me do all the travel to and from for access all without us having even going to court yet to have said this is what is going to happen. And now this..

Am I just suppose to let her keep making false claims so that if I have to take her back to court because she is not following the order she has all this to try to use against me?? And I believe she is doing it because she is not following the order and I told her my only option would be to take her back to court to which she screamed harrassement and called the police. What can I do??!!
(Sorry so long!)
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Old 09-11-2009, 10:59 AM
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As long as yout text messages are related to the child, non abusive, and not extremely excessive, I can't see you being charged with harassment. Doesn't even sound harrassing... sounds like a man being ignored.

Common sense tells me that your ex is really digging herself a hole with her behaviour... Judges can be biased when it comes to family law, but they aren't stupid.

She is NOT acting in the best interests of the child.

You must try to keep a cool head when dealing with her. The whole, he said/ she said stuff can incite a war, and make your Lawyers happy, but most of the time a Motions/Trial Judge wont read it and don't care.

What you do to her, what she does to you, means nothing. What the two of you do to your child, is all that matters, and clearly she is trying to alienate you, so be careful.

Keep a diary of EVERY attempt at contact that is ignored, EVERY time she restricts your access, EVERYTHING...... go and get yourself a digital voice recorder and record EVERY telephone conversation with her. It is completely legal, admissable, and may help you get what you need. Communicate through email, if you can, and keep a copy of every communication.

Even though you are only one half of this story.... you and your partner seem to be more than reasonable, willing to negotiate and completely child centered, which is ALL that matters.

Your ex can call the cops as many times as she wants, but clearly, all she is doing to trying to frustrate your access to your child, and this will eventually bite her in the ass... even the cops don't believe her, you haven't been charged with anything...?

Things that are written in an "Offer to Settle" cannot be held against you, same with details of a case conference, and if your lawyer told you that you had to allow the move because you had considered it in a offer to settle, he is wrong.... but what's done is done, I doubt you can force her to move back.

With regards to your other posts... sharing the travel is almost a guarantee, regardless of what "she" says.

Good Luck

Ohh and that crap about her new man screening your calls to your daughter.... that's gotta stop. Soooo not cool.

How old is the child??? Can you possibly afford to give your child a cell phone, pay as you go or something... so that you can call her/ she can call you... without their interference??? Just a thought
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Old 09-12-2009, 08:59 PM
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Thanks for the response..
No there has been no charges.. and the police have seemed to be very interested in my side of the story when they do call. The last officer informed me that he told my ex that maybe she would "reply to the text messages sooner" in order to avoid conflict.. DUH!!!

She is only 6 so a cell phone won't work.. I will get her that as soon as she is old enough.. they will probably just take it from her.. but we will see.

I will be keeping note of everything she says or does. Her last text message informed me that I was only allowed to call my daughter once a week because I needed to "respect her time with her" and that's all I called in the summer time. In the summer I had my daughter every other week.. Fridays to Friday 6 days seeing her.. 6 days not which in the 6 days of not I would call once. I am now going 11 days not seeing her and when I do see her it's for 2 days. I am only asking to call two or three times a week (four or six out of the eleven days) and I have "unlimited telephone access up to 7:30pm" on the court order. And she didn't respect my time with my daughter when she decided to move an hour away and cut my access from between 40 and 50% of the time to 4 days a month! So frustrating.. all I want to do is be in my kids life and just because she hates me.. My daughter doesn't and she misses me.

I will just have to wait and see what happens.. If she keeps trying to frustrate my contact I may have to take her back to court.. more money and crap!

As for the travel.. the Judge we ended up in front of didn't take any crap from my ex and was not impressed by her mentality when it came to my relationship with my daughter. I did allow the move.. but I was able to get half the summer one week every other week.. half the March Break and Christmas Break.. Every other Thanksgiving and Easter.. and if my daughter is not in school the day before my weekend or after my weekend I get to pick her up Thursday instead of Friday and/or keep her till Monday instead of Sunday. I have lost alot of time with her and the main contact in her life as I had when she lived here as for school and such but.. I will just try my best. I agreed to do the travel.. (my lawyer scared me into agreeing.. but if I had of fought it I would have won it with the Judge we ended up going in front of.. but you don't know that at the time!) But in return she has to take $100 off my child support payments.

Anyways.. now we wait and see what she tries to do next.. all I know is.. I am not giving up!
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 09-12-2009, 09:10 PM
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You know, when dealing with irrational "mothers," you MUST keep records of all your communications. Communicate only through email. Record your telephone conversations. Save the text messages. Don't get involved in a face-to-face conversation, as it will most likely turn into an ugly argument. These are the precautions we take, and what has helped cover our behinds for the past 7 years.

As for the police reports... don't worry too much. My husband and I have had a handful filed against us by our son's biological mom. Kidnapping reports (for being late returning him from a visit, despite having called and left messages on her house and cell phones) and verbal abuse reports. She even went to court trying to get a restraining order! The judge laughed at her because she had no valid reason to make such a request.

I know it's hard. I know it's frustrating. And I know that it's extrememly scary. But hang in there and do what is best for your child.

All the best!
Maggie
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