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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 11-28-2011, 01:59 PM
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Default Ex having relationship problems

Basics:

We have 5 year old daughter
Seperated when daughter was 1
Had EOW until she was 4, then had EOW until tuesday instead
In May my ex moved 2 hours away with her boyfriend and I had a costs award against me. We went back to an EOW schedule where I pick our daughter up Friday and my ex picks her up Sunday.

Daughter told me last weekend that her moms boyfriend's brother punched a hole in her door.
Told me that last time Mommy picked her up they went to her parents for 3 nights (school nights and her mom lives 3 hours from her school) because Mom and boyfriend were fighting.
D5 told me that Moms boyfriend yells at mom alot and sometimes yells at mom and her.
Also told me that he hits her(D5)

Also ex just lost her drivers license last week(she waited to renew her G2 until last minute and failed he road test, now she has no license). What to do when she gets to the point of having nobody else to drive Sundays to pick up our daughter, as I know that Nanny will not want to do that drive all the time.

I reported the fact that our daughter told me that mommys boyfriend hit our daughter to CAS.
It is hard as our daughter views my place as a sort of sanctuary for her as a constant and stable place, and when bad stuff is going on she gets very very clingy to me to the point where she has trouble letting me go.
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Old 11-28-2011, 02:15 PM
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I should also mention, this relationship is about 1 1/2 years long so far, and it started right after her last live in relationship. My ex does not know how to be single and she is pregnant again.
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Old 11-28-2011, 02:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fireweb13 View Post
Basics:

We have 5 year old daughter
Seperated when daughter was 1
Had EOW until she was 4, then had EOW until tuesday instead
In May my ex moved 2 hours away with her boyfriend and I had a costs award against me. We went back to an EOW schedule where I pick our daughter up Friday and my ex picks her up Sunday.

Daughter told me last weekend that her moms boyfriend's brother punched a hole in her door.
Told me that last time Mommy picked her up they went to her parents for 3 nights (school nights and her mom lives 3 hours from her school) because Mom and boyfriend were fighting.
D5 told me that Moms boyfriend yells at mom alot and sometimes yells at mom and her.
Also told me that he hits her(D5)

Also ex just lost her drivers license last week(she waited to renew her G2 until last minute and failed he road test, now she has no license). What to do when she gets to the point of having nobody else to drive Sundays to pick up our daughter, as I know that Nanny will not want to do that drive all the time.

I reported the fact that our daughter told me that mommys boyfriend hit our daughter to CAS.
It is hard as our daughter views my place as a sort of sanctuary for her as a constant and stable place, and when bad stuff is going on she gets very very clingy to me to the point where she has trouble letting me go.
Be sure to tell the CAS case worker about the hole in the wall that should be present at the other parent's residence. They will look to see if the damage is there and may help them figure things out.

CAS is a very high-conflict way to go with this sort of thing. It can often backfire as it can always be used against you should they make no finding.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 11-28-2011, 02:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
CAS is a very high-conflict way to go with this sort of thing. It can often backfire as it can always be used against you should they make no finding.

Good Luck!
Tayken
Completely agree, but when you find out that a hole has been punched in her door, and that she is being hit by her moms boyfriend I think it is the least high conflict way I could go about resolving this issue lol. Great self restraint was needed.
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:11 PM
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Quote:
at to do when she gets to the point of having nobody else to drive Sundays to pick up our daughter, as I know that Nanny will not want to do that drive all the time.
Not your problem. If you have an order stating she is to pick up to being HER time, then it's her headache. If she raises a stink, you can use it to show her situation as not stable, especially if you can get CAS on board.

If the child reports the boyfriend hit her, then take her to the doctor to be checked just in case. If the doc finds any evidence of abuse, they are LEGALLY obligated to report it. It'll hold a LOT more weight coming from the doctor than with you. You may want to start documenting your child when they arrive if this seems to be an ongoing issue. (Ie. scratches/bruises/etc when she enters your care, as well as anything when she leaves it). It'll both protect YOU if CAS tries to pin it on you, as well as can be used in court to show a history of issues.

If you are heading back to court, you may want to try to amend your order so the boyfriend isn't allowed alone with her. If the abuse allegations continue, you then proceed to "isn't allowed near her at all" and ask for an order of protection. (Would be useful to involve the police if it gets that far)
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:18 PM
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I will absolutly start to document things more in regards to this.

I know that her not being able to drive anymore is not "My" legal problem, but in the near future I see her telling me that she will not let me pick up our daughter unless I bring her back on Sundays. I know this is not what the order states but what are the chances that if I brought it to court anything would happen. So far I believe that the judge would say since I have a license and a car I can do the driving since she cannot anymore.
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:28 PM
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You then ask for support to be offset by the cost of gas/wear and tear on your vehicle due to her not having a license.

If she denies access, you follow the process in place that has been outlined a number of times. (Respond only that you will be exercising your parenting time as per the order, and then show up. If the child is not available, you go to the nearest store, buy a pack of gum and get a receipt (shows date/time and location) and text/call her to indicate you will be coming back at X time to pick up the child.

If the child is STILL not made available, you go home and send her an email indicating her denial of access and requesting that she provide for make up time immediately. If she doesn't respond, you rinse and repeat until you have 2-3 occurrences of denial of access/contempt.

You then file a contempt of court motion asking for costs, for a custody change given her inability to promote the relationship between the child and yourself (you won't get this right away), or alternately make up time for the time you missed (be specific...request specific extra weekends, or an extra week in the summer, etc) AND a police enforcement clause.

You'll get the contempt and maybe costs/make up time. Rinse and repeat for future occurrences and eventually you'll get the clause and/or a custody change.
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:35 PM
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Thank you for that NBDad. I could see her getting an order not being able to drive, except for the fact that she moved 2 hours away because her boyfriend has a job there and he does not work Sundays, so he could do the driving. So far she likes to make me be the one to take us to court. So document a few weekends and then go from there. Its all a what if situation right now but its a likely what if situation. She is not happy that I get 1 week at christmas so I could see her causing problems
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:46 PM
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It's a very very slow process. You need to build the pattern of willful contempt of the order. Eventually she'll either wise up and get tired of paying you costs/losing in court, OR she'll keep doing it and lose custody.

The judges are going to give her break, after break, after break, simply because she's female. Eventually, they'll get tired of seeing you guys because she's being retarded, and then the hammer will start to come down. Takes months, if not years though.

Keep fighting the good fight, document the hell out of EVERYTHING, and practice Radio Silence unless it's about the child and absolutely necessary to respond.
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:50 PM
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I think that because the judges give her break after break after break is why she feels that she can do whatever she wants. Back in 2009 a week after my father passed away she accused myself as well as everyone in my family of molesting our daughter. This was right before christmas, the CAS and police said that if she continues to deny access that they will place our child in foster care, I lost 3 months of time with our daughter including christmas, got no make up time, no court costs and she was found to be in contempt. It blew, but our daughter had an awesome christmas in February where lots of family came out and we got a christmas tree and so on and so forth. It takes alot to move forward but it sure is worth it.
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