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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 02-21-2012, 02:13 AM
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Default Ex has serious mental health issues!

I need to put a motion together to have my ex's psychiatric (and counselling) records released as I believe she has serious mental health issues and I am trying to prove this. I know that she has (or may still be) been on many prescription medications for Anxiety, Depression, and one that is commonly used to treat bi-polar and schizophrenia. As mentioned in my previous post about Passport Issues/Child Support.

Does anyone have any experience with this? If so, what road blocks may I face from her lawyer? What arguments can I use to counter some of those road blocks?

Again any assistance is greatly appreciated.
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Old 02-21-2012, 06:08 AM
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Lots of people have mental health issues and successfully raise children. Do any of your ex's issues affect her ability to care for the children? If so, is that not an issue CAS should look into immediately?
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Old 02-21-2012, 07:08 AM
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^^^^That.

Unless there is a (proven, documented and verifiable) history of your ex's illness becoming out of control to the point it places the children in direct and immediate danger, trying to bring that up in court is going to hurt you more than it helps you.

If there IS a concern regarding her stability, there are appropriate organizations and avenues to pursue prior to court motions. (ie. CAS)

You try to bring it up, and her lawyer is going to play the poor sick ex card, while painting you as the controlling, vindictive monster, who is at least partially to blame for her illness being as bad as it is...because you are bringing all these false allegations to bear. *sob sob*

Obviously I'm being sarcastic, but hopefully you see the inherent dangers in trying to do this.

Call CAS if you believe the children to be in immediate danger. Then ask for the involvement of the OCL and or an independent parenting capacity assessment to provide direction to the judge on the best arrangement for the children.
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Old 02-21-2012, 09:10 AM
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This kind of game really upsets me, due to the fact that my X tried to do the same thing. He called the police saying I threatened to shoot him and that I was crazy, unstable, had mental issues, a threat, yada yada yada. Then he called the Gun Registry in Toronto and told them I was crazy, unstable, on drugs, bi-polar ect you name it he did it.

Because of his actions my firearm was repossed, the Gun Registry sent me a medical form I had to take to my physician stating I was sane etc. My hunting license was taken, my PAL was taken, my Outdoor Card was taken and so was my Firearm Registration taken.

Once everything was determined that I had none of the above issues I got everything back with an apology. He also told another Police Officer that I hated him and that I talked about him behind his back to people. This also backfired because this same Police Officer is my sister's nephew. He went to her and asked her what the hell was the matter with "Andy". Now that he has cried wolf so many times...no one believes him anymore, no matter what comes out of his mouth.

I just served him Divorce Papers on Saturday and low and behold Sunday morning my gas door was broken into. Can I prove it no...do I have my suspicions yes. I will report it today just so that the paper work is there.

All I can say is "BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR"
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Old 02-21-2012, 10:13 AM
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Without the kids or herself being at risk, with proven actions to back up that claim, you will be opening Pandora's Box. More than half the population is on some form of meds these days for Anxiety/Depression. I too was painted up as a lunatic by my ex, and my guess is the ex still espouses this garbage. He's got nothing at all to back it up. In his case, he's projecting and assigning blame in his true high conflict, narcissistic fashion.

I always find it amazing that in many cases, it's the REAL nut job that accuses the other of being so. I used to find this very bothersome to know that there are ppl out there that don't even know me, that think I'm crazy just on ex's say so. Fortunately, he's neither very credible, popular or influential so it really doesn't matter in our case.

I used to get insane emails from him and his wife (I've never met her and we don't know the same ppl) and she would (in her emails) basically "parrot" the same bullshit (all unfounded, entirely baseless) to me that he had told her. It was almost kind of funny to see how gullible she was, and it floored me that she was so easily misguided. But the truth is, it's sad and if she doesn't know it yet, she will soon enough, that she is living with and married to a very sinister, diabolical pathological liar; someone w/severe and deep seated issues.

I saw a psychiatrist for several years (voluntarily/my own idea) and ofcourse this was broughtt up by ex, against me. It never hit any radar (from a Court standpoint). If anything, I wish it had b/c my Doctor was one of the only ppl to offer to write a letter on my behalf and testify if need be, as to my character and mental state. As well, he was quite prepared to convey to any Court, that a lot of my anxiety had to do with the ex, and his years of verbal abuse etc.

Poster, unless she is suicidal and is stalking you, making threats or otherwise openly threatening harm, you have no chance in hell of accessing private, medical information that pertains to her. YOU will look like the unstable one if you pursue this path, without anything tangible to back up your concerns. LORAC: definitely report this latest incident. I hope you will be safe.
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Old 02-22-2012, 03:24 AM
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Thank you to all who replied to this. I know it is going down a slippery path but I feel it must be gone down as some of the things she is accusing me of are downright false and defamatory and I really need to prove that it is due to her mental state.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kevindell View Post
Lots of people have mental health issues and successfully raise children. Do any of your ex's issues affect her ability to care for the children? If so, is that not an issue CAS should look into immediately?
I understand that mental health issues are a common problem and yes it does have an affect on her caring for our child as well as her child from previous marriage. Beyond her mental health there are also physical health issues as well. Her parents take 50-60% of the care of her child and 70-80% of the care of our child while she spends most of the time in bed because she is sick and/or depressed.


Quote:
Originally Posted by NBDad View Post
^^^^That.

Unless there is a (proven, documented and verifiable) history of your ex's illness becoming out of control to the point it places the children in direct and immediate danger, trying to bring that up in court is going to hurt you more than it helps you.

If there IS a concern regarding her stability, there are appropriate organizations and avenues to pursue prior to court motions. (ie. CAS)

You try to bring it up, and her lawyer is going to play the poor sick ex card, while painting you as the controlling, vindictive monster, who is at least partially to blame for her illness being as bad as it is...because you are bringing all these false allegations to bear. *sob sob*

Obviously I'm being sarcastic, but hopefully you see the inherent dangers in trying to do this.

Call CAS if you believe the children to be in immediate danger. Then ask for the involvement of the OCL and or an independent parenting capacity assessment to provide direction to the judge on the best arrangement for the children.
I have actually spoke to the CAS and the decided not to get involved at this point. We have an order for OCL and intake paperwork has been filed so now it is a wait and see if they accept. I have already raised the issues of her mental health in court documents but have not brought a motion forward for medical records but am strongly considering doing so as a result of the necessity to prove the allegations against me. I have well over 1000 pages of text, email and chats that should prove my case and point of her mental health issues and that she is outright lying in affidavit's. I am certainly not perfect but at the worst I have done was made a comment about her lawyer being a jackass.
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Old 02-22-2012, 03:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorac View Post
This kind of game really upsets me, due to the fact that my X tried to do the same thing. He called the police saying I threatened to shoot him and that I was crazy, unstable, had mental issues, a threat, yada yada yada. Then he called the Gun Registry in Toronto and told them I was crazy, unstable, on drugs, bi-polar ect you name it he did it.

Because of his actions my firearm was repossed, the Gun Registry sent me a medical form I had to take to my physician stating I was sane etc. My hunting license was taken, my PAL was taken, my Outdoor Card was taken and so was my Firearm Registration taken.

Once everything was determined that I had none of the above issues I got everything back with an apology. He also told another Police Officer that I hated him and that I talked about him behind his back to people. This also backfired because this same Police Officer is my sister's nephew. He went to her and asked her what the hell was the matter with "Andy". Now that he has cried wolf so many times...no one believes him anymore, no matter what comes out of his mouth.

I just served him Divorce Papers on Saturday and low and behold Sunday morning my gas door was broken into. Can I prove it no...do I have my suspicions yes. I will report it today just so that the paper work is there.

All I can say is "BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR"

Lorac, I certainly feel bad about your situation and you are only getting one side of the story but I do have proof of the mental health issues she has including some details of prescriptions as well as over 1000 pages of text, email and chats that show how mentally unstable she is. Also, although it is heresay I have a pretty reliable source who heard her father make a comment about how his daughter is going off the deepend.
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Old 02-22-2012, 07:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stemmy View Post
Lorac, I certainly feel bad about your situation and you are only getting one side of the story but I do have proof of the mental health issues she has including some details of prescriptions as well as over 1000 pages of text, email and chats that show how mentally unstable she is. Also, although it is heresay I have a pretty reliable source who heard her father make a comment about how his daughter is going off the deepend.
you do realize that by mentioning the prescripstons you are proving that she knows she has a problem and is getting help for it.

Yes what your friend heard her father say is hearsay and to bring it up is just wrong. Was your friend a party to the conversation of the father or was he just evesdropping?? I would just let that one go as it will not hold up in court and it shows that you are being high conflict. There is no way to prove what your friend heard, the context it was used or anything.
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Old 02-22-2012, 08:38 AM
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If CAS doesn't see the need to get involved, you don't have much of a leg to stand on. The children are not in any immediate danger. In the long term it may not be the most appropriate spot for them, but that's what OCL and/or independent parenting capacity studies are for.

Meet BS with the truth, backed up by affidavit and exhibit evidence. (ie. emails she sent you that refutes her own claims/etc).

My ex tried (and to this day still tries) these kind of stupid games. Says one thing, then months later claims something totally different. Problem is I save EVERYTHING she sends me, so I haul it out and she tends to go away after I catch her in the games.

Respond to things that need responding to. Outright lies or bat shit insanity...avoid at all costs. Judges have literally seen it all, and they don't give a crap if you ex is a raving looney tune. Stay child focused, use your time in court to show WHY you are the better choice for the kid's primary residence, and then HOW you plan to continue to facilitate that.

Let her go stark raving crazy and board the train to crazy town...YOU are the only one who can willingly buy a ticket. If you don't, then she can take that trip herself.
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Old 02-22-2012, 11:53 AM
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Ahhh...another high conflict, pricey divorce in the making.



Quote:
I have already raised the issues of her mental health in court documents but have not brought a motion forward for medical records but am strongly considering doing so as a result of the necessity to prove the allegations against me.
So you're going to attempt to prove her crazy in an attempt to deflect allegations she's made against you? The best way to disprove allegations isn't to try to redirect equally inflammatory allegations against her...its actually just to refute the allegations on your own merit...particularly in a child-focused way. Expensive mistake #1...

Quote:
I have well over 1000 pages of text, email and chats that should prove my case and point of her mental health issues and that she is outright lying in affidavit's.
First of all, a lot of affidavits are full of crap. You think you're going to submit into evidence a 1000 pages of text messages, email and "chats" that probably often don't involve you into evidence to prove mental instability. Do you understand what standard of evidence you're going to have to comply with to even get these submitted...particularly if they don't involve you and you've hacked them from some computer? Do you understand that most judges will probably not read most of them anyway and they may have negative consequences for you also? You are not "proving your case"....you are ramping up conflict. Again, deflection is a bad legal tactic. Expensive mistake #2.

Quote:
Also, although it is heresay I have a pretty reliable source who heard her father make a comment about how his daughter is going off the deepend.
If you believe this stuff is relevant or anything but completely ridiculous, you are wayyyy off base. "I heard my cousin's daddy's uncle's sister's babymomma's shortie's friends dad say that he saw Shaquanda acting crazyyyyy last night in front of 7/11." Seriously, you think anyone cares about that crap in court?!?

If every person that said something inflammatory about you wrote an affidavit, it would be meaningless too. Believing this stuff has any legal teeth and will get you anything but a bitch session with your lawyer is silly. Expensive mistake #3.

Quote:
I know that she has (or may still be) been on many prescription medications for Anxiety, Depression, and one that is commonly used to treat bi-polar and schizophrenia.
Being on medication isn't a crime or necessary actionable with regard to custody disputes. In fact, it shows that she's aware she has mood swings and is under a doctor care. What it shows about you, however, is that you're trying to invade her privacy and make character assasinations about her abilities. Millions of people are on these types of medications and millions of those same people raise children every day. Add to the mix that she's in the middle of a divorce with a guy who sounds like he's hell bent on harrassing and intimidating type behavior to take her parenting rights away and its not that much of a surprise that she's upset/depressed. Expensive mistake #4.


Here's my advice....leave her alone....stop attacking who SHE is and start showing the court who YOU are. All you're showing here is how you're trying to throw her under the bus by making her out to be a bad person/parent. But what you fail to answer is why you're a better parent. Who are you in all of this?

Attacking is expensive...its a stupid tactic that tends to backfire in court because judges are sick and tired of two people who have to parent children together going at each other's jugulars.

Show that you're the more reasonable, better person...who is willing to find middle ground with the woman that you saw fit enough to give birth to your child. If you do that...you can save thousands upon thousands of dollars and going forward have a successful parenting strategy post-divorce that works for your children. People think getting divorced is about divorce...and it isn't...its about what comes after divorce. Be smarter than living in the bitter, hate-filled moment and look to what you want for yourself and more importantly for your kids in their future...two parents, who may not be perfect, but who love them enough to find a way to parent them well. Seriously, do yourself and your kids a favor and smarten up.




Last edited by Pursuinghappiness; 02-22-2012 at 11:55 AM.
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