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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 06-19-2015, 01:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MS Mom View Post
Only if the court gives permission in advance.
And in most cases they won't as there is normally too much on the line (kids etc).

If a self-rep does a crappy job of representing themselves, that is on them. If the lawyer does a crappy job of representing their client, they are insured. If some random person does a crappy job of representing their new spouse, patrner, neighbour, third aunts cousin, there is no recourse for the party who got the shaft.

Last edited by HammerDad; 06-19-2015 at 01:59 PM.
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Old 06-19-2015, 09:36 PM
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Well ask her if she is signed up to raise your boys is she also throwing her annual income into pot for Child Support and Section 7 related expense calculations?
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Old 06-19-2015, 10:40 PM
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^brilliant! Excellent question!!!
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Old 06-23-2015, 09:28 AM
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Ohhh BeachNana!! That is exactly what I would LOVE to ask!! Hammer Dad, thank you for the advice. I wanted to know that I was correct in telling them that when it comes to litigation, her opinion doesn't count.


I did respond letting them both know that at some point Ex needs to take responsibility for his children and do his own foot work (ie calling FRo to deal with things on his own).
The only response I got back was "you're absolutely ridiculous and need to grow up." Which in my mind was a "win" for me. They couldn't come back with an argument of why or how she is allowed to be involved. So the name calling begins!


Thank you all for your wisdom and input. I do appreciate it.
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Old 06-23-2015, 09:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Busch View Post
I did respond letting them both know that at some point Ex needs to take responsibility for his children and do his own foot work (ie calling FRo to deal with things on his own).
The only response I got back was "you're absolutely ridiculous and need to grow up." Which in my mind was a "win" for me. They couldn't come back with an argument of why or how she is allowed to be involved. So the name calling begins!

Ugg, I hope you didn't put it that way. If you did, the name calling started with the passive aggressive tone of your email. I hope that is just a description or summarizing for the board.

Another thing, don't go looking for "wins" of this kind. What you should be looking for are ways to move forward. Don't let your emotions take you looking for hollow wins.
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Old 06-23-2015, 11:09 AM
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A couple of things to keep in mind:

1) You may not be the intended audience for the emails. The girlfriend/wife/whoever may be trying to impress your ex by her loyalty or indignation on his behalf by writing antagonistic messages to you. The emails are more about him and her than about you.

(My ex used to send me lots of tough-talking macho-man emails with legal threats and warnings, but he would fold completely whenever there was a possibility that he might have to deal with me in person (e.g. if I said "let's discuss this in mediation" or "I'm willing to sit down with you and talk about this"). Turns out the Chuck Norris emails were to impress his new girlfriend, which wouldn't be accomplished if he actually had to interact with me like an adult, without his girlfriend reading over his shoulder).

Which brings me to

2) Some new partners try to get in on the legal and emotional action between spouses out of insecurity. Either they're trying to bond with their new partner through "us against them" maneuvers, or they want to be seen as indispensable. There's old psychological truism is that if someone is insisting loudly that x is true, you can be sure that in the back of their mind they're worried that x is actually false.

Dad's new wife insisting that she is a co-parent and you're all in this together strongly suggests that she's worried she *isn't* a co-parent or that she's peripheral to Dad's life and to the kids. So she has to exaggerate her insistence that she's part of "us". A truly secure stepparent wouldn't need to carry on like this.

I too don't understand the new spouses who get enmeshed in their partner's ongoing divorce dramas.
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Old 06-23-2015, 11:14 AM
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Quote"Another thing, don't go looking for "wins" of this kind. What you should be looking for are ways to move forward. Don't let your emotions take you looking for hollow wins."


Thank you for the advice. I didn't literally mean win....I just meant that there was nothing they could come back with, and now the subject is dead. So we move forward from here.
I try not to let emotion get in the way of correspondences, somedays are easier than others, but I do try to be adult about things. Maybe my words of choice weren't the wisest when explaining things to the board.


Thanks again Hammer Dad. I respect your words and take them as constructive criticism. You have had wise words on a few of my posts, as have a few other members, and I appreciate them.
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Old 06-23-2015, 11:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stripes View Post
I too don't understand the new spouses who get enmeshed in their partner's ongoing divorce dramas.
I have experience with both extremes of this equation.

My wife leaves all communication between my ex and I to me. She may tell me how she feels about an issue, but ultimately it is on me to deal with my ex on it. She is extremely hands off when it comes to my ex. To be honest, it may have actually helped their relationship. While they may not really like each other, they are pleasant and interact friendly when in each others presence.

My sister has taken over the roll of first line communicator with her husbands ex. She is enmeshed in all of their emails and battles. The litigation between her husband his ex may as well be between her and his ex. The ex and my sister HATE each other.

IMO, the only time ones new spouse should be communicating with their partners ex spouse is in matters relating to the kids. And by that I mean, "the kids activity on X day was postponed to Y day". Or "we received a copy of the kids report card, we can either forward a copy to you by email or enclose a copy with the kids stuff next time you see them."

If my ex's B/F started emailing me about matters relating to our custody agreement, I'd politely remind him that these matters are between my ex and I, and that it is best if stays that way. I like my ex's new b/f, he seems like a decent guy. There is no reason to taint that by inserting him into a disagreement between my ex and I.
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Old 06-23-2015, 12:11 PM
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Wise words Stripes. I'm not sure if its insecurity, or if it's over bearing. She has been in the lives of my children since they were born, (my Ex-best friend of 12 years) but her not being able to leave the legal issues between EX and I drives me nutty.
I would NEVER email my husbands EX wife, nor would my Hubby email my EX! Trust me we both speak our opinions about the situations, but NEVER send an email to the others EX. A common statement between my husband and I is "Not my circus, not my Monkeys".
I come to the boards with these silly petty things because I'm not sure where I stand when I want to take a stand. Sometimes hearing advice from someone who isn't emotionally involved helps us be the bigger person!
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Old 06-23-2015, 12:27 PM
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The thing is that one's ex is likely enjoying all the attention. Small penis individuals take great pleasure in having their women folk squabble over things while they hide behind their skirts.
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