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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 03-04-2012, 02:58 PM
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Default Domestic Violence Advise

Hello Everyone,

I am another victim of domestic violence by my wife on me. I have been married for 5 years now but effectively we have live together for 3 years with period of separate living in between.

After many many threats, abuses and torture by my wife on me I have finally decided to serve her with Divorce.

I have few questions which are troubling me.

1) I will be serving my wife with divorce notice -- Shall i mention the incidents of domestic violence in the notice ? by her

2)Once Notice is served can i go-ahead and file a police complaint against her claiming that i feel threaten that she is going to file false
Domestic Violence allegations against me once she receives the notice?

3)can my wife file a counter police complaint against me claiming false domestic violence on her by me? after she receives the notice

4) If the police arrives to arrest me can i show them the divorce notice which i already served to her. will that help if this scenario occur.

5)Any cases where men have been proved innocent in domestic violence case?

Family Law is always favoring women.Is there any law which protects men from all this violence and torture? Or is it that Under Canadian Law men are the sufferers for all the cases?
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Old 03-04-2012, 03:18 PM
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Dear New_Life:

The allegations of "intimate partner abuse", often improperly labled as "domestic violence" for sock value has some serious repercussions in seperation and divorce that need to be seriously considered.

1. Have you seriously looked at the *relevance* required to demonstrate intimate partner abuse?

2. The allegation will be fully investigated by the court if brought forward. The balance of probability for which decisions in civil court will have a high scoring rating by the judges hearing motions and at trial. The likely hook of your allegations going to trial are much higher than just moving on.

3. As a male victim of intimate partner abuse you will have an uphill battle before the courts. You will need support from your clinical team (doctor, therapist, etc.) to demonstrate how the acts of intimate partner abuse have impacted you beyond your "emotional reasoning" (research this concept on Google).

4. People who have been victims of intimate partner abuse will have clinically testable problems. A mental health physician (psychologist/psychiatrist) will have to talk to the impact the intimate partner abuse has had on you as a person. Do you have this clinical evidence? Have you sought help for dealing with the impact of the intimate partner abuse you are claiming?

Quote:
Originally Posted by New_life View Post
Hello Everyone,

I am another victim of domestic violence by my wife on me. I have been married for 5 years now but effectively we have live together for 3 years with period of separate living in between.
You are presenting yourself as "another victim". This kind of language is often associated with someone playing the role of a victim and seeking to gain an advantage in a matrimonial dispute. If you are indeed a victim of intimate partner abuse your first channel of support should be a properly licensed and qualified mental health worker and not the courts in my opinion.


Quote:
Originally Posted by New_life View Post
After many many threats, abuses and torture by my wife on me I have finally decided to serve her with Divorce.
How have these "threats" impacted you as a person? Sleep interuption? Anxiety? Or are the "idol threats" from someone who is themselves emotionally upset whom is not getting the right support and guidance (either legal or mental health) who is acting out? How have these threats impacted YOU as a person in your life? Is your job impacted? Your quality of life?

Quote:
Originally Posted by New_life View Post
I have few questions which are troubling me.

1) I will be serving my wife with divorce notice -- Shall i mention the incidents of domestic violence in the notice ? by her
The keyword here is "relevant". Are the acts of intimate partner abuse which you will be making claims in sworn materials to the truth relevant to the matters before the court? Are children involved? Have children witnessed this? Has your health (mental or physical) been impacted as a result of the intimate partner abuse?

As the person making the allegation it will be your responsibility to demonstrate the evidence that the act has been committed and that it has impacted you in a negative way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by New_life View Post
2)Once Notice is served can i go-ahead and file a police complaint against her claiming that i feel threaten that she is going to file false
Domestic Violence allegations against me once she receives the notice?
Psychological abuse is not a criminal offense generally unless you can prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the abuse is done with intent. This is incredibly difficult to prove under the rules of criminal proceedings that are governed by "beyond a reasonable doubt".

Quote:
Originally Posted by New_life View Post
3)can my wife file a counter police complaint against me claiming false domestic violence on her by me? after she receives the notice
Once you open the door to the involvement of the police they will be continually be involved in your dispute possibly. Do you really think the police are qualified to handle domestic situations? Think long and hard about how the police can help in your separation and divorce. They can't. That is for the Family Court to do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by New_life View Post
4) If the police arrives to arrest me can i show them the divorce notice which i already served to her. will that help if this scenario occur.
The police have to investigate a matter. The crown will have to get involed. Say nothing to police if they arrive to arrest you. They have to come with a warrant to arrest you and that has to come from the crown. Give them no reason to arrest you.

Consult a criminal defenses lawyer for the proper instruction on what you should be doing before trying anything yourself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by New_life View Post
5)Any cases where men have been proved innocent in domestic violence case?
Many. Many for women too. False allegations of intimate partner abuse are not limited to a gender. Men do it equally as much as women do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by New_life View Post
Family Law is always favoring women.Is there any law which protects men from all this violence and torture? Or is it that Under Canadian Law men are the sufferers for all the cases?
I disagree. If you spend some time on CanLII.org you can find thousands of decisions where people have attempted to gain custody on allegations of intimate partner abuse and the default 50-50 full joint custody was awarded.

Prior to do anything I would research "parallel parenting". No one has anything to gain in the breakdown in a family by making allegations of abuse. The courts in Ontario are more likely to award parallel parenting over sole custody.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 03-04-2012, 08:33 PM
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you can file a non harrassment order at your local court house and serve her BOTH papers at the same time but again police will be involved..really not worth it unless as stated above that its impacting your life that seriously...once police are involved there is no turning back!!!,that i definatly know from personal experience
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Old 03-05-2012, 09:15 PM
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I sincerely thank you all for the advise you have given to me. This is really helpful and have answered my doubtful questions.
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