Divorce papers sent, what happens if he refuses to sign?

[Styled]

Hi everyone,

I haven't posted here in awhile. Had the proceedings started with a lawyer and now $10k later the papers have finally been sent to his lawyer. We did the DRO (mandatory in AB), agreed to everything, he signed it and my lawyer did up the separation and divorce papers.

He has a lawyer that he has been using to fight not one, not two but THREE DUI offences (not really the point here but ugh!) and told my lawyer after the DRO to send them to him. He represented himself at the DRO, my lawyer came with me. The DRO papers (interm custody, child support, etc) had to be signed in front of a lawyer or commisioner of oaths. He chose the commisioner of oaths. They were returned and everything was going okay. He finally started paying child support after being separated for a year and a half (he paid just over $500 during that time) and he finally agreed to pay his share of the joint bills that I had been paying in order to save my credit rating (my share had long been paid off). Okay, I shouldn't say he finally started making payments......he paid a total of 1 1/2 payments. Sigh. So I am now in the process of filing with maintenance which is going to tick him off even more (he is unaware of this right now).

So long story short, my lawyer sent his lawyer the papers two weeks ago. I called him a few days later to see if he heard from his lawyer. He said no, doesn't have a cell phone (although he does have a home phone so I have no idea what that has to do with it but whatever). I told him the papers are there and he needs to get in there to sign them. He said yeah he'd try. I called him again tonight to see if he'd called his lawyer or gone in to sign them. He said no. I asked why not and he said because he's busy (we live in a small town and it would take him a lunch hour to go in and sign them). I asked him if he planned on it and he said not anytime soon.

My question is -- what now? I will contact my lawyer tomorrow but I was hoping someone would help ease my mind in the meantime and give me some sort of help as to what would happen next if he simply refuses to go in and sign them (which is what will happen IMO). Any advice or help would be appreciated. I'm just at a loss right now. He hasn't paid a dime to any of this because he's the type of person that figures if he ignores it then it will go away. I want it done and I want to move on. This was a long time coming, even before the separation (years before) and it feels like I've been dealing with this forever now even though it's only been about 7 months since I hired the lawyer. We've been apart for 2 years today.

I live in Alberta if that makes a difference. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you.

[Styled]

Has anyone had experience with this??? I called my lawyer but she was in court all day and didn't get back to me. Just hoping for some assistance from those who have been there or heard of a similar case.

[Gary M]

Suggestion: Try reposting your question, but take out all the irrelevant fluff and emotion first... Nobody cares what kind of person he is or what's happened in the past, and your narrative on same just clouds the issue on which you're seeking advice.

I bet you get sage responses if you just ask exactly what you want to know - short and sweet.

Cheers!

Gary

[Styled]

Thanks for your suggestion. I put in the "irrelevant fluff" to show what type of person he was to avoid the questions such as "why won't he sign", "there must be a reason", etc. etc. etc.

I made my question short and sweet in the title of the thread, then I gave back story in the post. Thanks for your help though.

[NBDad]

If he refuses to sign the papers, you give him time to do so (usually 10-30 days) and then instruct your lawyer to stop any further back and forth and file motion with the court to have the agreement signed off on.

[Tayken]

Originally Posted by Gary M

Suggestion: Try reposting your question, but take out all the irrelevant fluff and emotion first... Nobody cares what kind of person he is or what's happened in the past, and your narrative on same just clouds the issue on which you're seeking advice.

I bet you get sage responses if you just ask exactly what you want to know - short and sweet.

Cheers!

Gary

Sound advice for the vast majority of posters in my opinion.

Emotional reasoning - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Emotional reasoning is a cognitive error that occurs when a person believes that what he or she is feeling is true regardless of the evidence. As an example we have the people who is nervous or anxious and resorts to emotional reactions to determine a course of action. For instance, an anxious test-taker might feel that he does not understand the material. He might feel as though he doesn't understand at all, but in fact is perfectly capable of answering the questions, and is merely insecure about it. By acting on the basis of his insecurity, he might assume he does not know the answers and guess randomly. Thus he creates a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. In this way, emotional reasoning amplifies the effects of other cognitive distortions (Although this is an exception to the rule).

One recommendation that any good solicitor (or psyc) would make in separation and divorce situation... Do not try to or even anticipate what the other party is going to do next. This will only cause you anxiety and make things worse. You did what needed to get done and as NBDad pointed out... It is now a waiting game and possible a motion if there is no response.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[Gary M]

Originally Posted by Styled

Thanks for your suggestion. I put in the "irrelevant fluff" to show what type of person he was to avoid the questions such as "why won't he sign", "there must be a reason", etc. etc. etc.

I made my question short and sweet in the title of the thread, then I gave back story in the post. Thanks for your help though.

My suggestion was also a lesson that, should you decide to heed, will serve you well throughout this ugly process. Take it or leave it.

The lesson is this: What you are now involved in is a business deal. Nobody on the planet other than you cares what either of you did in the past, or will do in the future (within reason). You are about to step into the maw of a ginormous machine that will eat you alive unless you pay attention, heed the advice of people who are trying to help you, and -perhaps most importantly- check your ego and emotions at the door.

You may have thought your question was clear, but what is important is what others (the receivers) think; I did not think it was clear... Sure, the thread title was succinct, but your ramblings in the body text left me wondering what your point was and what, exactly, you wanted to know.

You're welcome.

Cheers!

Gary

P.S. NBDad was able to cut through the fluff and answer your question. He is correct: Your ex doesn't have to sign anything. There is a waiting period, at the end of which he will be in default and you may file accordingly.

[Styled]

Originally Posted by NBDad

If he refuses to sign the papers, you give him time to do so (usually 10-30 days) and then instruct your lawyer to stop any further back and forth and file motion with the court to have the agreement signed off on.

Thank you for the response. There is no back and forth at the moment -- he's simply refusing to go in and deal with it. Spoke to him later in the week and he said he owes his lawyer money regarding his other cases so he won't be going in anytime soon (so basically he will not do it).

Does he need a lawyer in order to sign the paperwork or will a notary or commisoner of oaths work? He used one to sign the paperwork after the DRO and also signed some statement (not sure what it was called) acknowledging the fact that he knows what he was signing and knows it was without a lawyer.

If that does work and it gets filed with the court, then what? He avoided the initial court order for disclosure and was ordered to pay court costs but it still never helped until we went to the DRO and he just agreed to all of it (never did get disclosure). If he simply refuses to sign then what happens? Will it ever go through? Thank you in advance for any information.

[Styled]

Originally Posted by Tayken

One recommendation that any good solicitor (or psyc) would make in separation and divorce situation... Do not try to or even anticipate what the other party is going to do next. This will only cause you anxiety and make things worse. You did what needed to get done and as NBDad pointed out... It is now a waiting game and possible a motion if there is no response.

Good Luck!
Tayken

Thanks Tayken and yes, I understand that. Unfortunately I have known this man my entire adult life and when he says "not anytime soon" in regards to signing the papers it translates as "I'm not going to do it" because, well, that's how he is. Thank you for your advice.