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Sweetie79 02-02-2017 11:08 AM

Divorce & Child Support ! Please Help !
 
Hello Everyone,
I am new to this forum and I need some assistance. My story is a bit complicated so I will put it in order and I thank you in advance for all the help.

- Met ex in 1994 ( I was 15)
- Married ex in 1996
- Separated in January 2004
- 3 kids _ ages 2, 5 and 6 ( at this time )
- Court 2005 - I got full custody, he got visitation rights and cs amount was set.
- Between 2005 -2007 he would take the kids whenever he wanted, sometimes every 2 weeks other times he would go a month with taking them.
- Child support payments were as sporadic as his visitations until one of the times he came to pick up the kids and told me he needed to talk to me in private for a few minutes. I Stepped outside my house and he asked me if I was ever going back to him. When I said no, that was it. That was the last weekend he took the kids.

I Never took him back to court to enforce the child support. Without getting this story to be to long ... marriage was hell, he was irresponsible, never held down a job for long, was an alcoholic who was mentally , verbally and physically abusive towards me. It took me 10 long years to realize I was worth more than that. So no, there was no change in reconciliation.

- Fast forward to summer 2013. My kids were in Toronto, shopping and having fun with Grandma (my mom) they ran into ex in a mall. He apparently now wants a relationship with the kids again. I get a phone call from my mom telling me this nightmare story and she gives me his phone number. Kids come back home a the end of the day. The next morning I sit down with them and they tell me they want to reestablish a relationship with him. So I pick up the phone, call him and tell him the kids wants this and I won't stand in the way. I give him the home phone # and tell him they are now teens, I will not be involved in this, you want to see them, you call them.

- He called every week, saw them a few times, took them out to eat, movies and as much as part of me didn't want him around, I hoped he would have changed and would be serious about loving and being there for his kids. He was given a second chance (by his kids). Not every parent is that lucky. Well at the end of that summer he stopped seeing them.

- 2017, I got in touch with him ( the youngest has him on fb), I want to end this once and for all. I filed for divorce yesterday. I was informed that the 2nd batch of papers I will have to fill out in 30 days ( Form 36: Affidavit for Divorce) requires me to fill in the ex yearly income and cs amount being paid. It seems that once a judge sees no cs is being paid I will have to answer some questions and that my divorce can be denied until I go through a new cs order settlement or something.

He works on and off and he is on and off welfare. I don't want to go through this mess. You can't force someone to be a father, you can't take blood from a stone. I don't want to have this long dragged out process through court just to be told he owes 6 digits of back pay that I will never see. FRO already suspended his license back then.
I know cs is the right of the child so the child can have the same standard of living they had before the separation. The standard of living was non existent, welfare, food banks, eviction notices. Since the separation, a nice house, no eviction notices, no alcohol, no abuse. A step father who loves them and has been there raising them for 12 years.
I Just want a divorce, papers in 6 months, judges signature and voila. The ex won't context , he won't show up in court.

Is there a way for this not to turn into a 3 ring circus ? For me not to have to go through 2-5 yrs in court for money I don't want, need and will never see?
My current partner and I just got engaged, the kids couldn't be happier. He has been their dad for all these years. I just want that piece of paper nothing else .
Kids are now 18, 17 and 15.

Thank you for reading and any input is appreciated !

rockscan 02-02-2017 11:19 AM

First access and cs are two different things and your kids are old enough to make their own decisions.

Second, do a search on this forum for uncontested divorce.

Third, your local Family Law Information Center is a good resource.

Finally, if its not a major money issue, why not just hire a lawyer to do all the paperwork? They will know what to fill out on the forms.

Sweetie79 02-02-2017 11:30 AM

Hi Rockscan,
Thank you for the reply
I am not worried about access. I am not even worried about cs. What I am worried about is the judge not granting the divorce by the end of this year because the ex has not paid cs. From what I have been informed by the court clerk and have read so far, a judge will/has to refuse divorce until this cs mess is solved. If that is the case I feel like I am being penalized for him not paying cs. I really just want my divorce.

rockscan 02-02-2017 12:00 PM

Talk to a lawyer. You may be able to waive the arrears. Plus you can get a divorce if he's still in arrears, you may just have to file some additional forms.

My comment about access was more along the lines of leave that part out of your arguments to waive arrears. You don't care about the relationship or the arrears. You've moved on. The only important fact is that you are seeking to waive child support and arrears.

Janus 02-02-2017 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweetie79 (Post 217493)
My current partner and I just got engaged, the kids couldn't be happier. He has been their dad for all these years.

I am sure that the kids are thrilled to have lost their real father and couldn't be happier.

http://www.slate.com/content/dam/sla...l-original.jpg

Anyhow, I don't actually see your problem. The judges don't care if CS gets paid, they just care that CS is ordered to be paid. Go to court, get CS ordered, and you will get your divorce, whether or not he actually pays.

LovingFather32 02-02-2017 12:09 PM

What a winner. Just be done with him. Explain to the courts what you just said here. CS would be more of a headache than anything and you just want a finalized divorce and to move on. I would personally go after the CS.

Out of curiosity, what was his position in court (2005)? What was he asking for?

trinton 02-02-2017 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweetie79 (Post 217493)
My current partner and I just got engaged, the kids couldn't be happier. He has been their dad for all these years. I
Thank you for reading and any input is appreciated !


Your current partner is not and has not been their dad. Your ex was, always has been, and will continue to be your children's father indefinitely.


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Sweetie79 02-02-2017 12:54 PM

[QUOTE=trinton;217509]Your current partner is not and has not been their dad. Your ex was, always has been, and will continue to be your children's father .


A real father doesn't disappear from their kids life. A real father will take them to the park and kick a soccer ball with them , will sit down and watch barney , teletubies, dora , bratz. A real parent will be able to sing all the songs and will even dance when the video is being watched for the hundredth time . Even if he can't afford cs because he is too lazy to work . I know a lot of you will have different opinions when it comes to cs. With me it was never about the money , he knew this. I used to pack groceries from my own house and give them to him when he decided to pick up the kids to ensure he had food to cook for them.
I was raised without a father , I didn't want my kids to go through the same pain. He choose to not be there .

Their step father has been there all these years . He used to buy the youngest dora pull ups (diaper), he played with them , helps them with their homework , gives them advice when they ask for , has spend nights up with me and them when they are sick , has mopped puke off the floors.

Any male who is not shooting blanks can father a child. It takes one with a good heart and soul to be a dad.

trinton 02-02-2017 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweetie79 (Post 217514)

A real father doesn't disappear from their kids life.

Sure they do, didn't you state earlier that your children's real father did that? It wasn't the pretend father that did that.. was it?

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Sweetie79 02-02-2017 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LovingFather32 (Post 217505)

Out of curiosity, what was his position in court (2005)? What was he asking for?

Loving Father ,
His position back then ? Lol He asked for nothing. I asked for custody , I offered him visitation every other weekend , his birthday , the kids birthday, half of March break , alternating full weeks through the summer months , alternating week to be rotated for Christmas & New years so the we each had a chance to have the kids for Christmas AND whatever other reasonable visitation to be agreed between us.
That is what I offered. He signed without complain with his " duty counselor " and I signed with my " duty counselor " . He didn't ask for anything !!!!


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