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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 02-25-2014, 02:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paco View Post
There is an email where she's saying that to not further contact her,either writing or speaking, so I stop contacted her beeing afraid of possible harassing allegations.

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Sending ONE email regarding the children is not harassment. Keep it polite and on point. Write it as if you are talking to a judge.

Time to be honest here. How many emails did you send her and what did they say....
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Old 02-25-2014, 02:59 PM
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Yes hammerdad, thank you, this is encouraging, she created a false status quo by manipulation and deceit, and this is what I'm going to fight.

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Old 02-25-2014, 03:42 PM
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FB, she banned me for contacting her furthermore, it's not just about one or more emails here.

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Old 02-25-2014, 03:45 PM
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fb, she banned me for contacting her furthermore, it's not just about one or more emails here.

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why!!!

.......
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Old 02-25-2014, 04:00 PM
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I don't know why, she's paranoid, she always claimed that she's afraid of me, she accused me in the past that I wanted to kill her on one occasion, making her car brakes inoperable. At time I went with her and the car to a mechanic which explained her that was normal wear and tear of the breaking piston that made possible a failure of a gasket resulting in loosing of the breaking fluid. So this is just an example of what I'm dealing with.

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Old 02-25-2014, 04:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paco View Post
FB, she banned me for contacting her furthermore, it's not just about one or more emails here.

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If you can't communicate with your ex *at all*, joint custody can't work. Even exes who really can't stand each other manage to find ways to communicate necessary information about the child.

As the other posters have said, you need to be child-centirc here, and you need to show that you are able and willing to work with your ex. Given that you've got at least two incidents of police involvement, your ex taking refuge in a shelter, an OCL report followed by a court order for sole custody for her, and a recommendation for parenting counselling for you, that's going to be an uphill battle. I'm not saying that all of these things are justified, but the fact that they form part of your record is going to make this a long struggle for you.

My suggestions are:

1. Go to parenting counselling. You may think you don't need it (no one ever thinks they need it), but it shows that you are willing to work and co-operate.

2. Get some form of communication with your ex going. One way to do this would be with the help of a professional mediator. You could set out some ground rules, like sending no more than one email a day, emails will only address issues relating to the children, no text or phone calls unless it's a grave emergency. Your ex might not want to mediate or abide by a mediated agreement, but it's important to show you are trying.

3. Have a closer look at the access schedule proposed by the judge. Can you live with this? In six months, you will have your children every other weekend and Wednesday night. That's much better than what you have now. I would stop trying to think in terms of "attacking" the OCL report or proving parental alienation, and think of what you can do to ensure that access goes smoothly and you can scale up to having more regular contact with your kids.

4. Are you paying child support? If not, time to start.
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Old 02-25-2014, 04:10 PM
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I've always wondered if you could agree to a schedule on a without prejudice basis for a certain period of time until you could prove that you can cooperate. Unfortunately this also gives your ex and opportunity to continue to try and sabotage your attempts.

Yes I get this is what a temporary order is. I'm meaning more along the lines of a trial period for the judge with someone watching and seeing what happens... I'm guessing there aren't enough resources for this.
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Old 02-25-2014, 04:13 PM
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Stripes, I believe that this matter with counselling is a make up from my ex counsel and OCL to prove that I might have some issues, I don't have any issues, why should I attend counseling and my ex not?! Yes I pay CS.

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Old 02-25-2014, 04:17 PM
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My access now is limited to every Wednesdays from 5pm to 8pm, and every other weekend from Saturday 10am till Sunday 8pm. We had an agreement signed last September.

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Old 02-25-2014, 04:30 PM
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My ex is has fabricated the 'unable to cooperate' scenario also. Refused even to be in same room as me and mediator, even with her lawyer present. In the past 2+ years we sit on parent council together, work on common events, attend school outings together with our young child ... but she has recently gone apeshit about us taking pictures of such happy times. Gosh I wonder why.

You have to go down a very dark road of 'attacking the mom' in order to fight this. It's very hard to appear child-centric when you are doing this. And I personally doubt that you will be successful in obtaining the joint custody, even though it sounds like you are right it is a fabrication to build a false status quo.

Fight instead for time.

WorkingDAD's case was extraordinary - the ex has SERIOUS mental issues - so I don't think it is very useful as a precedent for many.

Last edited by dinkyface; 02-25-2014 at 04:34 PM.
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