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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 03-20-2011, 01:25 PM
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What I find difficult to understand is that the whole reason for the internship/job is for my kids to have money and a better life as a result. Education is not a hobby for me, it's a means to make money. Why is it being viewed as something 'selfish'? As a 1st gen immigrant, I have to make sure my kids don't stay at the bottom. Sure, it is damaging for the parents to be apart. But it's also damaging for my 12 year olds' self-esteem to live in a crappy place b/c poverty is a stigma. It's also damaging for my 6 yr old asthmatic son to live in a crappy place b/c of roaches and some morons getting stoned in the appt across the hall. Where's the balance here? Why is this that a weekend with their fathers who don't care to have a better job and who don't feel responsible for their kids' wellbeing overrides other, more objective, benefits?

Again, I realize that there are a lot of fathers here and the topic is inflammatory, but let's try and have a civil argument.
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Old 03-20-2011, 01:31 PM
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You can't value material things higher than the childrens' relationships with their parents. You may be able to afford to buy them nicer things or live in a nice location however you CANNOT use the money you'll make to buy them each a new father.

You're essentially trying to convince people that your children having better 'stuff' is more important than their relationship with their dads. It just isn't going to fly.
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Old 03-20-2011, 01:32 PM
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Read above about my daughter's self esteem and my sons asthma. These are not material things.
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Old 03-20-2011, 01:34 PM
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Jeeze, I'm not trying to convince people...at all. No need. I was just asking about a paper, that's it. Plus, interested in the issue so why not talk about it. Without assumptions and finger pointing, preferably.
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Old 03-20-2011, 01:38 PM
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This is not about 'buying nicer stuff'. I'm not sure if you've ever been poor. As in REALLY POOR. There is much more to it that affects children. Such as stigma, general health and mental health issues. Probably more, just can't think of it right now.
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Old 03-20-2011, 01:45 PM
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Have you considered the long term effects of children without fathers in their lives?

There are lots of people who grew up in dirt-poor situations whose parents didn't allow it to effect their self-esteem. Money isn't the root cause of those issues.
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Old 03-20-2011, 01:58 PM
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The things we are bringing up are the things that the children's father's lawyers will bring up if you try to move them out of the city. None of us give a crap about what you do with your life, but you are coming and asking for feedback on your plans and whether you will get a "piece of paper" or not. The points we are bringing should be clarifying things for you so you have a better idea of what you are up against.

Please stop saying you don't want to move the children, and then repeat that you will want to be able to move after you graduate to get another job. We aren't stupid. You want to be able to move the children when you want but you want the benefit of a non-mobility clause NOW so that you can avoid moving for an internship. You will have a hard time setting up this scenario.

The children's fathers aren't perfect parents and haven't voluntarily stepped up to the plate. You aren't perfect either, and no other parent is. This isn't about them, it is about the kids having regular access to their father's, it is the kids' right. That is how the court will see it.
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Old 03-20-2011, 03:03 PM
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Zhoo, this debate has been tossed all around the room in this forum time and time again. Do a search on mobility and after you get finished reading the many many lengthy and hotly debated threads on this topic then you might have some more perspective.

You can argue it sixteen ways to Sunday but you aren't going to change people's minds on it. Like Mess says, we don't give a crap what you do, but you have come here looking for advice, and you are getting it - it's just not what you want to hear - just like the other dozen Mom's who have made this tired old argument.

The sad truth is that you are rationalizing and cherry picking your best interests argument so that it aligns with your interests. Who can blame you? You are extremely emotionally invested.

But you're not being objective.

Children growing up without fathers in their lives are at huge risk to have major troubles leading to adulthood. Whether they live in the projects or not.
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Old 03-20-2011, 04:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
Have you considered the long term effects of children without fathers in their lives?

There are lots of people who grew up in dirt-poor situations whose parents didn't allow it to effect their self-esteem. Money isn't the root cause of those issues.
Is this your personal observation or is there good quality research to back this up?

And who says bio-fathers aren't replaceable? My daughter is actually more attached to her step dad, she wants to live with him instead. Her bio dad didn't make much effort to be a part of her life when she was little. So why should he have any say?
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Old 03-20-2011, 04:01 PM
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Careful darling, your ulterior motives are showing.
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