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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 06-20-2017, 02:40 PM
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Well kids have been in activities for years now. Until last year i allowed her to get away with her shit in fear of this war, which is exactly what is happening now.
A year ago i moved further away from the activities with my fiancÚ and to be closer to work (work is now 7km away from my house).
This move has subjected to kids to either:
a) have to be in the car for 3 hours every weekend to and from activities + the time IN the activities
or
b) we all have to uproot ourselves from my home and spend the weekend at my parents which are close to the activities (my ex doesn't seem to have a problem with this and is pushing for this). Uprooting ourselves every other weekend does not only not provide a stable home environment for my kids while they're with me, but we're all living like nomads every other weekend.

The kids also expressed their interest to STOP their activities, which is when i started speaking up, but it's not working.

That's for their current activities. However she "warned me" that she will enrol them in "new" activities which will even further affect weekends, and i told her that she doesn't have my consent for that. So even if she books something new, i know that i don't have to take them due to the fact that i bolded and underlined my non-consent.

The question is whether or not I legally have to take them to their current (status quo?) activities despite their wishes when they're with me, or i have the legal right to make decisions for them when they're with me?
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 06-20-2017, 02:47 PM
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your order sounds exactly like mine, and your ex also sounds exactly like mine. Sure we didn't have kids with the same person? JK.

My ex also has reduced the times and tried to take away the Fridays. But I have a lawyer and am in Court so my lawyer had to send a letter - threatening an interim motion - seeking costs- to keep the status quo.

You don't have any final order so she will manipulate the hell out of you - and you need to stop feeding into her.

Don't communicate to her unless it's an emergency. If she tries to change your times just keep letting her know that you do not agree to any reduction in your parenting time.

Keep documenting her ridicilious behaviour (including the unilateral non sense) and file an application to court seeking joint custody and equal parenting - and ask for an offset child support amount.

Find a good lawyer and start this process sonner than later. I would go for primary residency if I were in your shoes.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 06-20-2017, 02:53 PM
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"You don't have any final order so she will manipulate the hell out of you - and you need to stop feeding into her." - man you took the words right out of my mouth. I have been manipulated the entire time i've known her. Wish i stood up for myself earlier. I am TRYING not to communicate with her, I even sent her a letter saying not to contact me unless it's 100% related to the kids, but she always has something to make my blood boil.
Re: Fridays - i say, "you can't do that, i'm picking the kids up on Fridays, see you then", she answers "you can have them on Saturday". so i copy and paste, and then she does the same. To no end. I'm going to pick up the kids on Friday, let's see what happens. If she's not there or i don't get it, i record it.

Question - budget number - how much does your "battle" go for these days?
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 06-20-2017, 09:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pete360 View Post
Well kids have been in activities for years now. Until last year i allowed her to get away with her shit in fear of this war, which is exactly what is happening now.
A year ago i moved further away from the activities with my fiancÚ and to be closer to work (work is now 7km away from my house).
This move has subjected to kids to either:
a) have to be in the car for 3 hours every weekend to and from activities + the time IN the activities
or
b) we all have to uproot ourselves from my home and spend the weekend at my parents which are close to the activities (my ex doesn't seem to have a problem with this and is pushing for this). Uprooting ourselves every other weekend does not only not provide a stable home environment for my kids while they're with me, but we're all living like nomads every other weekend.


The kids also expressed their interest to STOP their activities, which is when i started speaking up, but it's not working.

That's for their current activities. However she "warned me" that she will enrol them in "new" activities which will even further affect weekends, and i told her that she doesn't have my consent for that. So even if she books something new, i know that i don't have to take them due to the fact that i bolded and underlined my non-consent.

The question is whether or not I legally have to take them to their current (status quo?) activities despite their wishes when they're with me, or i have the legal right to make decisions for them when they're with me?
So your moving turning things upside down it seems.

You are simply paying the price of putting your desire to live closer to fiance and work before your children's best interests?

I don't know how you would get much pity from a judge. Your are merely trying to cloud over the reality that it was your decision to move.

You made your bed and now you have to lie in it.
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 06-20-2017, 09:36 PM
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Situation pertaining to my move is much more elaborate than that, but thanks for your input
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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 06-20-2017, 09:49 PM
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Again, this is _his_ parenting time that we are talking about and he is at liberty to spend that time however he wants with his kids free of _any_ input from the other parent.

It's about time his ex stops making his bed for him every morning the way she chooses to.

Are you permitted to pickup kids from school on Fridays? How's your relationship with the kids school?

Last edited by trinton; 06-20-2017 at 09:51 PM.
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2017, 10:10 AM
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Hey Trinton,
picking up kids from school won't really work, here is why:
1. School ends at 3:20, i finish work at 4/4:30's and in Friday afternoon traffic it takes me at least 1.5 hours to get up there (via 400 = cottage bound route).
2. I asked my ex for my fiancÚ to pick up the kids (my fiancÚ works from home so she's fully able to and willing - she has an amazing relationship with my kids (another annoyance for my wife who often trashes her to the kids)) - flat out refused and was called "crazy" for even suggesting.
3. Ex says that picking them up any earlier on Fridays doesn't allow her the time to pack them and properly say good bye to them (eye roll). I asked her to pack them the night before but she attack me that how do i expect the kids to lug their stuff to school so they can be picked up from there - valid point. I told her that I purchased clothes and stuff the kids need for my house (something that she didn't allow in the past because "they have a home"), but even still they need their iPads, hobby bags (mma/gymnastics) that they can't really lug to school.
So tried that too! And failed (as usual).

To answer Arabian's question:
it wasn't my "move" that turned things around so much. It was when i found myself in a happy and healthy relationship (with a future!) with a woman that the kids and my family love that became an impossible situation to deal with my ex. Read between the lines....
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2017, 10:43 AM
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Can you not contact the school directly to authorize your fiancÚ to pick up the children?

Do you guys have joint or sole custody? As long as you have joint custody, I'm not sure how the mother can stop you.
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2017, 10:55 AM
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She has sole custody (i was stupid not to get a lawyer during separation as i trusted she will do the right thing - so at the time i didn't know that "custody" and "residence" are 2 different things. I could have asked for "joint custody" but gave her "main residence") - yes i know, kicking myself for that now, but all i can do is plan forward, no way i can go back in time and change what i've done.

However, I already called the school and asked - they said no problem, as long as either parent authorizes it.

However, ESPECIALLY NOW knowing that i'm preparing for court, i want my hands 100% clean. So i'm putting up with a lot of crap as i want to go into court clean as a whistle.

I know that if i went ahead and made that change and let my finance go and pick them up, there would be hell to pay.

Do you think i SHOULD do that? Would the judge reprimand me for it? In an email format (not on separation agreement - it's completely outdated and doesn't reflect status quo) she says i have kids from Friday at 6PM. So if i go and pick them up any earlier, am i not doing the same thing she is? Breaching our agreement?
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2017, 12:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pete360 View Post
She has sole custody (i was stupid not to get a lawyer during separation as i trusted she will do the right thing - so at the time i didn't know that "custody" and "residence" are 2 different things. I could have asked for "joint custody" but gave her "main residence") - yes i know, kicking myself for that now, but all i can do is plan forward, no way i can go back in time and change what i've done.

However, I already called the school and asked - they said no problem, as long as either parent authorizes it.

However, ESPECIALLY NOW knowing that i'm preparing for court, i want my hands 100% clean. So i'm putting up with a lot of crap as i want to go into court clean as a whistle.

I know that if i went ahead and made that change and let my finance go and pick them up, there would be hell to pay.

Do you think i SHOULD do that? Would the judge reprimand me for it? In an email format (not on separation agreement - it's completely outdated and doesn't reflect status quo) she says i have kids from Friday at 6PM. So if i go and pick them up any earlier, am i not doing the same thing she is? Breaching our agreement?
You have a kitchen table agreement done without legal advice or any true understanding of what you were signing. Even that agreement isn't working for you. You can't really stick to something that has no sticking power in the first place. In this instance, you CAN go back in time and redo it right, by going to court and getting a proper legal agreement, with joint custody and a fair division of time with the children that you can manage with the distance. Make sure it covers all holidays. Make sure as many exchanges as possible are done through the school.

Once you have that sorted out, THEN you can make future plans, like buying a home with a shorter commute to the children.

Buy duplicates of things like iPads and sports gear for your home. This is an investment in reducing your ex's ability to manipulate you.

Also, her threats that she has access to a free lawyer is intended to intimidate you into avoiding court. She knows she's not going to look good in court. If you do a proper offer to settle ahead of time which she refuses, she's going to end up paying for YOUR lawyer.
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