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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 11-28-2012, 05:26 PM
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Thanks Berner... I guess I need to hope for the best, for the time being at least.
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 11-28-2012, 07:24 PM
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Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
As for the emergency contact... I don't think there is a reason you have to be. I could understand you being the emergency contact if you lived in the same area, but seeing as you are hours away, how fast can you actually get there in an emergency? The point of an emergency contact is for the school, day care, whom ever to contact when they cannot reach the first contact (in your situation the mother). Would it not make more sense to have say her mother/father (that are clearly involved) as an emergency contact? What are you going to be able to do from over 400km away?

My bf was upset when he found out his ex made her sister an emergency contact for the children's school, I explained it to him the same way... we live over 2 hours away, plus with his work he travels to different towns/cities weekly... what good would we be in an emergency? Makes more sense to me to have someone who will be available in an emergency than someone who live further away.
There is no reason the further away parent should not be called. At least one parent should be informed. The further parent may then say, "I am 2 hours away. Is it critical?" If so, then advise them to call the sister.

Both my ex and I work and go to school just a few blocks downtown from our youngest's school. If either of us gets a call, often we aren't able to pick up the phone because we are working. She may be on the other line, in the washroom, a meeting, etc. I may be in class, or working, or whatever. We may not pick up the message for 15 minutes or longer. We then have to collect our things, get throught the building, get through traffic. It can be over an hour before we can get to the school. The tertiary contact, my ex's sister, lives two hours away.

Usually he's lieing on the couch in the office if he's sick and the secretary says there's no rush. If it's acute and he's bleeding to death or something, there would be an ambulance.

If your arrangement works well for you that's great, but I don't see that being 2 hours away is a reason to be left off the contact list. There are spots for 4 contacts on the school form in our district.
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 11-28-2012, 07:29 PM
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Mess I believe you missed my post where I stated he should be a contact, however being an emergency contact is not necessarily something he has to push for. For the simple fact that if it IS an emergency, is it really in the best interest of the child to have the school/day care phone him for him to say, sorry I am 400km away you are going to have to contact my ex's sister.

Would it not make more sense for them to contact the one who can be there the fastest, instead of playing phone tag with different people?

I think being a contact is important and the OP should be placed as a contact, just don't think court is worth it, just to be an emergency contact.
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2012, 11:45 AM
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Check this thread out and the attached case law:

If you really want to have the opposing lawyer all screwed up. Take that recommendation, add the wording for a mutual restraining order and wrap it all up in an offer to settle on the issue.

When they go for the restraining order, cross motion with all the same requests to the court that you put into your offer to settle. The majority of the time Family Law Restraining Orders are ordered mutual.

If the opposing lawyer doesn't accept your offer to settle, you have something very tangible to provide to the justice and nice case law for the book of authorities on your request for costs in the matter.

Restraining orders in family law are rarely one-sided orders.

Furthermore, you can provide two offers to settle. One that states explicitly an order to be made for a mutual restraining order in accordance with the Family Law Act/Family Law Rules and another one that is a non-contact agreement (not a restraining order).

Basically you have all bases covered and are being proactive.

Good Luck!

Last edited by Tayken; 11-29-2012 at 11:49 AM.
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 11-29-2012, 04:38 PM
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Awesome Tayken! Thank you very much. Would you be so kind as to include some sample language for a mutual restraining order? Also what is a reasonable deadline for a response on such an offer to settle ? Thanks again
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 12-07-2012, 03:26 PM
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Here is an update. For the first time she has actually blocked an access appointment and did so overtly. Through her lawyer, less than 12 hours before I was set to drive on an 800km round trip to see my daughter, she said: that my child is in a daycare, mother cannot get time off work to remove her from there, and they do not feel comfortable revealing the location of the daycare to me, and therefore informing me the access visit has been unilaterally cancelled.

This was followed with a bunch of insinuations about concern I might have an unprovoked "outburst" with a daycare employee, an allegation that to me is without any merit. Whenever things have become heated between the ex and me I am the first one to suggest we have a neutral third party be present like her parents or someone else. I am there to pick up my child, why would I be upset with a daycare worker, this makes no sense.

The lawyer ended with, "the best remaining alternative is to deal with the daycare information through a court order". Perfect.

I replied that I had arranged my work schedule that I could not change the visit on such short notice, that barring an emergency I did not see the justification. I had already made arrangements to come to Vancouver as part of my business and people are relying on me to make deliveries. I had verbally and by email confirmed with the mother that I would be coming this Wednesday as usual.

The lawyer replied with more snide remarks about how "yes, Mr. Singledad, we know it's only yourself who is allowed to make unilateral cancellations, like when two months went by and you didn't bother to visit your daughter".

She then proposed that we switch this week's access to ten days from now, on a date which will not work for me because I am writing an exam in my city on that day.

I replied that I am driving to Vancouver anyway, and I hope your client will reconsider and that my daughter will be made available at 3pm, and if not, I will reply to all matters at that time.

I drove to Vancouver because I had to anyway, my daughter was not at home and I left after knocking once. I then sent an email outlining Tayken's quoted Offer to Settle with respect to Communications. I said I would like a response on the following three items by next Monday at noon:

1. Whether she intends to block access next Wednesday and Thursday and/or subsequent weeks.

2. An answer to my proposal about Christmas Access sent ten days ago and so far ignored

3. An answer to my Offer to Settle re Communications which was shown below.

She replied last night, not directly answering question #1 but again proposing we switch the parenting time to the weekend. With respect to question 2, she counterproposed that my eldest daughter and I get the amount of time we are requesting for Christmas but that we enjoy it in Vancouver – in other words, out of the back of my car and in shopping malls like last year.

With respect to question 3 she answered as follows. She is not too aware of Our Family Wizard and doesn't have any clients using it. She will review the case law and advise. Then she leaves off with another snide remark, (paraphrased), "perhaps if you would learn to craft emails, text messages and phone calls in a more respectful manner, there wouldn't be any need for Our Family Wizard at all".

I replied explaining why next Saturday doesn't work for me traveling, asking if this means she was going to cancel the Wednesday parenting time, and on the matter of Communications, as follows,

"On communications you and your client have been asserting for several weeks now I will be informed about the daycare "in due course". I chose that case law specifically because it involved a mother withholding vital information about the child, based on allegations about how the father conducted his inquiries for information. The draft order addresses all legitimate concerns of both your client and me on this issue. I vehemently deny all of your allegations and insinuations used as justification to be keeping me in the dark about my daughter D2 and her daycare. With respect, I do not believe the evidence will support opposition to my draft order. "


Last edited by singledadoftwogirls; 12-07-2012 at 03:34 PM.
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 12-07-2012, 03:47 PM
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Originally Posted by singledadoftwogirls View Post
The lawyer replied with more snide remarks about how "yes, Mr. Singledad, we know it's only yourself who is allowed to make unilateral cancellations, like when two months went by and you didn't bother to visit your daughter".
Part of me would have wanted to respond with;

"Dear Satan's Personal Assistant,

With regards to your point about me being the only one whom may unilaterally cancel my parenting time, you would be correct. If, in the unfortunate circumstance, that I am unable to exercise my parenting with the child, that is my decision to make. Neither your client nor the child are able to unilaterally cancel my time as it is not within their authority to do so. Just as I cannot unilaterally cancel your clients parenting time, as only your client may make that decision.

It is my intention to utilize all of my parenting time as provided. However, in life, there instances that are out of our control that causes changes to our schedules. It is unfortunate when these instances occur as I take great care to ensure I am able to exercise my parenting time in the fullest.

Notwithstanding the above, I wholeheartedly disagree with your clients reasoning for unilaterally cancelling my parenting time. There is no history of me acting unreasonably with the childs service/care providers and it isn't my intention to start now. I find the reason as a rather self-serving excuse.

Please note that, in future, it is my intention to exercise all of my parenting time as provided in the order. As such, please ensure your client has the child ready for all exchanges as prescribed going forward. Should your client request a change to the schedule, I would be willing to entertain such request and depending on the amount of notice provided and receiving makeup time for all missed time.

Thank you,


But then I'd probably erase it. It would be for carthotic purposes more than anything.

But I'd save the email from the lawyer as it, and the others, will show a pattern of bad behavour and talking down to you.
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 12-07-2012, 04:10 PM
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I'm letting her rude comments bounce off of me; I think they are designed to divert me from purpose, which is securing the access and being kept informed about my daughter. She would love it if I reacted angrily and then she could tell the court, "he's a real angry guy, the mother was afraid and so she flaunts the order".

I have asked that they tell me by noon on Monday if they are blocking the Wednesday 3pm parenting time for the second week in a row. I imagine she is going to tell me by my deadline. If she moves to block my parenting time, would you be bringing a contempt motion at this time? Emergency basis? Ex parte?

Part of the issue is it costs me a fortune to go to Vancouver – I am not complaining, my daughter is totally worth it - I am saying that I need to make wise decisions when it comes to taking time off work and driving to Vancouver and filing/not filing motions. I have read that if you let it slide, the court won't view it as a contempt because the other side will say we had an agreement to switch the time, or she thought we did. On the other hand, I have read that a contempt filing is basically a useless venture for a parent in my situation to try.

All I care about is ensuring the parenting time isn't interfered with. Also I wish someone would educate her about unilateralism; her lawyer seems to fully morally support what she is doing.

Last edited by singledadoftwogirls; 12-07-2012 at 04:16 PM.
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