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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 05-06-2008, 02:27 AM
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Ii have been seperated 3 years now, my ex just got a job after 10 years. My question is she wants me to pay daycare. I pay her just over 1000.00 a month child support for two children. She has asked for spousal support but we still have not agreed on anything. My fiances are limited. Paying child support is leaving me with very little money to cover the rest of my expenses. She as threatened me with asking for back pay spousal support.

I also suggested I keep the children with me till 3:00pm since i work afternoons. She said no they will stay in daycare. This would save us 60.00 a day. But she just refuses. I presently have my children from Friday till Monday Morning and I pay full child support. Is there anything I can do?

Also she got the babysitter without asking for my opinion. She didnot tell me how long my kids will be there, who she is or where she lives. I had to get the name and number from my daughter.

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Old 05-06-2008, 07:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OB1
She as threatened me with asking for back pay spousal support.
She cannot ask for SS after a period of time where by she did not have it AND still win the claim.
And another benefit to you is that she now has a job which I'll venture is to help her better take care of herself and be "self supportive".
So I wouldn't sweat the SS threat.

As for the Day care costs, she may have a claim for that.
I think you'd have to do a little research on your particular circumstances and find relevant case law to support that having an additional cost would cause undue hardship. Since undue hardship is your only way to not have to pay child care. Remember undue hardship is very hard to prove, the primary thing is if she is earning less than you, plus living at a lower standard of living, then you'd be hard pressed to win an undue hardship claim. But that shouldn't stop you from looking into it.

In the interim, do your own calculations, day care would be relative to income, it is NOT a 50/50 thing unless you agree to it.

You'd have to take her income plus your support, plus any tax benefits she'll get from the child care claims, to calculate her net income.
Do the same for you, less your CS, and any other costs associated to exercising access, IE travel costs if there is any significant distance between you etc.

Once you have her net and your net, the ratio between them is the proportionate share you would be responsible for.

Quote:
Originally Posted by OB1
I also suggested I keep the children with me till 3:00pm since i work afternoons. She said no they will stay in daycare. This would save us 60.00 a day. But she just refuses. I presently have my children from Friday till Monday Morning and I pay full child support. Is there anything I can do?
If she take this issue to court, use this parenting plan, since it is in the best interest of the children to have unlimited access to the non-custodial parent. It is even better to the courts to see that you have a similar arrangement with your other children that works very well. For her to say that she’s not ok with it, demonstrates that she’s thinking about herself, when in fact she should be thinking about the children. To show that you are child centered and she is thinking of her own desires is a huge plus for you in getting this access arrangement, and even lowering your proportionate share of day care costs.

Quote:
Originally Posted by OB1
Also she got the babysitter without asking for my opinion. She did not tell me how long my kids will be there, who she is or where she lives. I had to get the name and number from my daughter.
You have a right to this information, and should have been allowed an opportunity to offer your opinion on the person caring for your child. However, the final choice would probably have been hers to make anyway. I would use this against her again should this get to court. She is more willing to have the children with day care and strangers (babysitters) then to be with their biological parent who “wants” the extra time with them, and can afford the time to actually have them in their care.

This is a good thing for you. From where I sit you have a pretty good chance of winning your claim for extra access in caring for the children, as well as lowering your share of day care costs.
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Old 05-06-2008, 01:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FL_Needs_To_Change
She cannot ask for SS after a period of time where by she did not have it AND still win the claim.
And another benefit to you is that she now has a job which I'll venture is to help her better take care of herself and be "self supportive".
So I wouldn't sweat the SS threat.
Actually, that's not necessarily so... how long has she been asking for the spousal support? Is this just a recent thing she has come out with?

I was finally awarded spousal support after being separated over 3 years. I asked for spousal support immediately... he dragged his feet, then we got lawyers and that went on for a year, then I dumped my lawyer and filed my own court application for spousal support... he dragged out his full financial disclosure for a year and a half (he had 2 job losses, not providing T4s, pay slips and bank statements)... and after 3 years of no spousal support I was awarded it.

All I had to do was show the judge the debt that I had racked up during those 3 years while waiting for my ex to negotiate reasonably.
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Old 05-06-2008, 02:02 PM
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I agree with phoenix, the time it takes for the award is irrelevant if it was initiated upon dissolve of the relationship.
However, from the initial post it appears that there was a three year laps from the time of separation and the request for SS and day care costs??
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Old 05-06-2008, 05:55 PM
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She did ask for Spousal Support initially, however, we never got any type of order. If I were to pay her spousal support on top of the child support and daycare that would leave me in the whole every month. I would need to park myself on a corner and beg for money to eat.

I am glad my ex got a job as this will open up her eyes, and realize how hard it is to earn a dollar and how quickly it could be eaten up by our current family law system.

I guess I will wait for her next move. To be honest I just want to put this all behind me before it eventually takes my life.

thanks again for your replies
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Old 05-06-2008, 07:21 PM
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This is interesting.

Maybe it is just me, but what about the position that no daycare in the world is superior for the child as compared to the child spending time with one of their parents.


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Old 05-06-2008, 09:52 PM
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I could't agree more. Here I am saying I could watch my children during the day time since I work afternoons and she is refusing. I'll propose this parenting plan in front of a judge and see what his ruling wll be. MY LIFE IS MY CHILDREN. I feel so bad that they have to be going through this. I would give the world for them. When a parent becomes an every weekend parent it's like taking their soul out of them. Shame on people who believe that they should be in control. Every parent should have equal time with their children, unless there is signs of abuse. When will the Law open it's eyes.
It seems to be it's all about the money CHILD SUPPORT/SPOUSAL SUPPORT...Spells Greed.
Thank You again..
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Old 05-06-2008, 10:38 PM
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Default Support=Greed for greedy people only

How will you name the people who just wants to run away from their resposibilities.They don't want to be there physically ,emotionally and financially for their kids.I am happy that Ontario family laws are good enough to trap such kinds.Even if it can't force them to be a parent atleast they are contributing a bit financially.Above all such kind of parents really get hurt when they have to pay ,atleast a litle pressure on their heart.
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Old 05-20-2008, 09:11 PM
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as far as having your children stay with you during the day or til 3pm and save money I think if tis was put forth to a judge they would agree.....they are not all cold hearted and want to rake someone over the coals......they will take into consideration the best interest of the child.......sometimes daycare is the only option for some parents however in your case your care is the best for them......

CS/SS= greed is not true.........CS is the same if both parents were still in the same residence then the non custodial parent would be supporting the child on a daily basis......SS is different......as you explained your ex had no employment for 10years.......apparently there is a "salary" that they would be entitled to for keeping the household.......SS I cannot comment on.......but CS I know for a fact that what is paid in CS by some non custodial parents is very low comparatively to what it costs to raise a child......
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