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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 11-27-2017, 08:02 PM
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Default Custody when ex wants to move far away

Hi everyone,

My wife and I have a 3 year old daughter, and I'm the primary care giver. My wife does not have a great relationship with our daughter (just saying because I know this matters in custody), and now wants to divorce me and move away (we currently live in the GTA and she wants to move to Quebec).

Now the obvious problem with that is if she moves 600km, there's absolutely no way for me to provide her physical access to her daughter on a regular basis.

I'd want joint legal custody and shared physical custody since I think it's in our daughters best interest to have a relationship with both of her parents, but she's unwilling to accept that since she wants to move.

The only thing my wife will accept is that our daughter lives with me 100%, I would get sole custody, and she would 'waive' her right to access.

My main question is, is there anything I can do to stop her from moving?
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Old 11-27-2017, 08:29 PM
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You cant stop her from moving but you can stop her from taking the child. She doesn’t sound like she wants the child which is great for you but bad for your daughter.

Sign an agreement which gives her liberal access to the child but primary custody and living with you. Then in the future she cant come back and say you refused.
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Old 11-27-2017, 08:54 PM
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Hmmmm, ok then. Thanks for the quick response.

If I were to fight it accept nothing less then shared custody, if the court is ruling in the best interest of the child could the court impose an order that she has to live close by?
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Old 11-27-2017, 09:07 PM
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You cant have shared custody with someone who moves away. If she wants to move you cant stop her. If she wants to take the child you can fight it.

This is one of those you cant fix stupid situations. You cant force your ex to be a parent. Maybe she will smarten up in the future but you cant win so its not even an option.
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Old 11-27-2017, 10:06 PM
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How very very sad for your daughter. If your ex goes through with this and cuts off contact your daughter could be psychologically scarred for life with judge abandonment issues. Keep the lines of communication open with your ex and let her know she can have liberal access in Ontario or if you go to Quebec to visit. You might also want to make a Facebook page so that you can post photos, report cards, drawings your daughter makes. That way your ex and her family can keep in some sort of contact with your daughter. You should also suggest your ex FaceTime with your daughter whenever she wants. You can also ask your ex if your daughter can face time with her if she misses her. The importance thing is to keep the door open.
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Old 11-27-2017, 11:30 PM
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The short and simple answer is the judge will not force the mom to have your child 50% or any percent of the time.

No one can be forced to be a parent. It is up to you to parent 100% of the time now.
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Old 11-28-2017, 01:50 AM
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Have you discussed child support? Is she expecting to be exempt from paying CS because she waives all access?
I think your best bet lies with making it clear you will be pursuing full CS - it might spur her into reconsidering?? Otherwise, you cannot force her. Do you have any leverage? Any ninja manipulation skills?

Last edited by dinkyface; 11-28-2017 at 01:53 AM.
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Old 11-28-2017, 10:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CustodyDad View Post
My wife and I have a 3 year old daughter, and I'm the primary care giver. My wife does not have a great relationship with our daughter (just saying because I know this matters in custody), and now wants to divorce me and move away (we currently live in the GTA and she wants to move to Quebec).

Now the obvious problem with that is if she moves 600km, there's absolutely no way for me to provide her physical access to her daughter on a regular basis.

I'd want joint legal custody and shared physical custody since I think it's in our daughters best interest to have a relationship with both of her parents, but she's unwilling to accept that since she wants to move.

The only thing my wife will accept is that our daughter lives with me 100%, I would get sole custody, and she would 'waive' her right to access.

My main question is, is there anything I can do to stop her from moving?
Quote:
Originally Posted by CustodyDad View Post
If I were to fight it accept nothing less then shared custody, if the court is ruling in the best interest of the child could the court impose an order that she has to live close by?
A court can't order her to be a good mom. If this woman is determined to abandon this child, the court can't stop her. A court could make an order about where the child has to live, but can't do the same for where an adult has to live.

A court could order joint custody (sharing the decision-making) which can be done from a distance, but you may find that she becomes hard to communicate with and decisions can't be made mutually in a timely manner and you end up with a big mess. Sole custody may be easier for you in that regard. Even with sole custody, you could still ask her opinion and take it into consideration for your decisions, but you won't end up with huge hassles trying to get her signature for a passport or things like that.

A court cannot order shared access (division of parenting time) with someone who is determined not to exercise that access.

What a court CAN do, is order the mom to pay full table CS, even if she has no access. Paying CS is not an obligation that can be waived. If your ex thinks that by waiving all access and custody, she'll avoid having to pay anything, she's wrong.

As for the emotional side, as noted, her mom's abandonment could caused psychological trauma to the child. Though if their relationship is that bad, maybe distance between them might be a good thing? You will have to tread carefully on how much contact, via trips and phone calls and video chats, etc, is appropriate. How well do you know your in-laws? Maybe focusing on the extended family's continued contact with the child is better than trying to transform your ex into a good mother.
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Old 11-28-2017, 05:40 PM
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If you didn't start divorce process and haven't filed court application.
Than yes, she can grab a child and move and nothing you can do.
And she can say that it was mutual verbal agreement

Find a lawyer asap
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