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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 09-09-2015, 02:39 PM
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A recent term I learned was the Injustice Collector

Sound familar? I remember when I first started seeing my current GF, my ex sent her a list of all the wrongs I did to my ex...*that she perceived*. Then also proceeded to tell my new gf she was ugly, and her whole family is ugly because she talked her on facebook.

Characteristics of Injustice Collectors (link is external)
1. Injustice collectors are never wrong. How is it possible that they are never wrong? It's simple: They are always right.
2. Injustice collectors never apologize. Ever. For anything.
3. Injustice collectors truly believe they are morally and ethically superior to others and that others seem incapable of holding themselves to the same high standards as the injustice collector does.
4. Injustice collectors make the rules, break the rules and enforce the rules of the family. They are a combination of legislator, police, judge and jury to those they consider their subjects. They forever banish from their kingdom any subject they deem disloyal, and only grant clemency if there is sufficient contrition.
5. Injustice collectors never worry about what is wrong with them as their "bad" list grows. Their focus is always on the failings of others.
6. Injustice collectors are never troubled by the disparity between their rules for others and their own expectations of themselves. Injustice collectors rationalize their own behavior with great ease and comfort.
7. Injustice collectors have an external orientation; the problem always exists in the world, outside of themselves, and in their view, the world would be an acceptable place if their rules and standards were followed at all times.
8. Injustice collectors do not have a capacity for remorse or guilt.
9. Injustice collectors scoff at the idea of therapy, therapists, self-help books, and other tools used by people who struggle to live with them.
10. The phrase "walking on eggshells" describes life with an injustice collector.

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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
My partners ex refused to listen to ANYONE including her lawyer. It went to court where she tried to tell the judge himself where the law was wrong. She still bitches about how wronged she was. Some people never learn because they are too self righteous.

Last edited by FirstTimer; 09-09-2015 at 02:48 PM.
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Old 09-09-2015, 03:18 PM
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I hesitate to agree with 9 for my partner. They spend thousands on therapy but it was always to fix him. Whenever a therapist suggested she change or modify her behaviour, they never went back!
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Old 09-09-2015, 07:42 PM
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I think #9 needs to be reworded. A narcissist/injustice collector loves people to hear their "injustices/wrongs" done to them, and therapy/self help sessions are perfect stages for them to hear themselves talk aloud, however the outcomes have to align to their views or like everything else in life, my way or the highway.


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I hesitate to agree with 9 for my partner. They spend thousands on therapy but it was always to fix him. Whenever a therapist suggested she change or modify her behaviour, they never went back!
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Old 09-09-2015, 08:15 PM
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Much better.
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Old 09-10-2015, 09:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FirstTimer View Post
I think #9 needs to be reworded. A narcissist/injustice collector loves people to hear their "injustices/wrongs" done to them, and therapy/self help sessions are perfect stages for them to hear themselves talk aloud, however the outcomes have to align to their views or like everything else in life, my way or the highway.
I am not a psychologist, however from everything I have seen the following appears true:

Injustice Collector == High Conflict Person == Narcissistic Personality Disorder

I think it's fair to say a good percentage of us are on this forum because we are dealing with one of these creatures.

Here's one of many threads:
http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...-people-15604/

People even write books about this stuff, and here's one that helped me through my nightmare:
http://www.amazon.com/Splitting-Prot.../dp/1608820254

Given the advanced research and insight into this issue... question becomes why, oh, why, oh why does the legal profession not recognize this disorder/mental illness and deal with it accordingly?

As the books and the articles mention... far and away the biggest victims of this type of behavior are the Children... who are exactly the people the legal system is "supposed" to be helping...
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Old 09-10-2015, 01:27 PM
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Awesome advice sir, I am going to go pick up the book today.

The advice about evidence is solid, that's what I used to refute all of her allegations.

My next question to you, is what kind of advice can you offer to screen out a lawyer that has experience in high conflict and know that they are going to be fighting for you and not just another dog and pony show.


Quote:
Originally Posted by SomeGuy View Post
I am not a psychologist, however from everything I have seen the following appears true:

Injustice Collector == High Conflict Person == Narcissistic Personality Disorder

I think it's fair to say a good percentage of us are on this forum because we are dealing with one of these creatures.

Here's one of many threads:
http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...-people-15604/

People even write books about this stuff, and here's one that helped me through my nightmare:
http://www.amazon.com/Splitting-Prot.../dp/1608820254

Given the advanced research and insight into this issue... question becomes why, oh, why, oh why does the legal profession not recognize this disorder/mental illness and deal with it accordingly?

As the books and the articles mention... far and away the biggest victims of this type of behavior are the Children... who are exactly the people the legal system is "supposed" to be helping...
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Old 09-10-2015, 08:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FirstTimer View Post
My next question to you, is what kind of advice can you offer to screen out a lawyer that has experience in high conflict and know that they are going to be fighting for you and not just another dog and pony show.
Wish I could help more but I did my lawyer search based on "Collaborative Family Law", and the sales pitch was everything I hoped. Unlike what you suggest in Alberta, that title in Ontario means nothing.

Once I was sucked into the system, and he realized she was HCP, he passed me off to the pitbull in his office. The pitbull was worse, and had ZERO appreciation for the HCP issue....

If I could do it all over again I would have started the self-rep path *MUCH* sooner. It's certainly worth putting in the effort to learn... because this will (unfortunately) go on for a looooong time...

If you are interviewing lawyers, I can only suggest to be VERY, VERY clear upfront that you are normal and she is HCP... then go from there.

Good luck..
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Old 09-11-2015, 03:10 PM
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Thanks, I actually read the entire book last night. It was a great read and I had done alot of what was required in the evidence gathering component side of things. The personality thing was really insightful.

I had had two lawyers and burned through enough money to buy a car that didn't even produce a change. However, on my last court appearance, I self represented and exactly like the book said, I refuted every baseless allegation she had which resulted in a favorable decision for me and provided detailed documentation to the tee which she could not refute on her end.

My gut feeling is we will head to trial and I am debating that I might need a lawyer for trial.....has anyone self repped against a lawyer in trial and won? and what were the biggest things to be aware of?
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