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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 12-01-2016, 10:06 PM
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Default Consecutive weekend access dilemma

Ended up filing motion for weeks time Christmas travel access. They are agreeing to give me a week

I am however in a dilemma here. I did not in my motion specify the times for the week access but rather that I just wanted a week to travel. I'm being offered week access during the Christmas Holiday that would fall on the mom's weekend schedule (new years) this would mean that child would be with mom the prior weekend(dec 23rd) and on the weekend following new years (Jan 6th)

Issue here is that mom's regular weekend is immediately before Christmas and immediately after.

This would mean that she would have child 2 consecutive weekends before the new years weekend and for 2 consecutive weekends after the new years weekend.

my lawyer has said he will work through that detail and I was just wondering whether anyone else has dealt with this before? Is it worth spending money for? Is it worth a shot asking mom directly if she is willing to switch weekend before or after the holidays ?

Last edited by trinton; 12-01-2016 at 10:09 PM.
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Old 12-02-2016, 12:06 AM
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How big a deal is this? In the grand scheme of things, if Mom has Kid twice for two consecutive weekends, what's the harm? A year from now, will this matter?

I suggest asking Mom if she'll trade weekends and if she says no, not making an issue out of it. You've got better uses for your lawyer money than this.
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Old 12-02-2016, 08:39 AM
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That was my initial thought .

how about something like:

I understand that changing weekends between parents is a routine matter and I am open to changing weekends with you. I believe it will make us both look good. With our Christmas deal in mind, I will plan on having Child with me for the weekend of Dec 16th. Child will be with you the weekend of Christmas eve, Jan 6th and Jan 13th. I will consider this to be our plan for the weekends surrounding the Christmas holidays unless you tell me otherwise. Thanks for considering the benefits to child of us being flexible.
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Old 12-02-2016, 09:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trinton View Post
That was my initial thought .

how about something like:

I understand that changing weekends between parents is a routine matter and I am open to changing weekends with you. I believe it will make us both look good. With our Christmas deal in mind, I will plan on having Child with me for the weekend of Dec 16th. Child will be with you the weekend of Christmas eve, Jan 6th and Jan 13th. I will consider this to be our plan for the weekends surrounding the Christmas holidays unless you tell me otherwise. Thanks for considering the benefits to child of us being flexible.
I'd rewrite it. This doesn't sound like "asking", it sounds like "telling". Saying "I will consider this to be our plan" sounds confrontational, especially as the plan isn't "ours", it's a deviation from the court order and the Christmas schedule that you and Mom already agreed on. You should be using sentences like "Would it be all right with you to switch weekends?" and "Would you consider trading weekend X for weekend Y?". And if Mom says no, as she has the right to do, it is not the end of the world.

It sounds like when you were working our your Christmas agreement, you only specified a week's access and didn't pay attention to how it would fit with your existing court order. In other words, you made a mistake. I don't think you can fix this by telling Mom that you on your own have decided to change the weekends around.
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Old 12-02-2016, 02:12 PM
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It was my understanding that holiday schedules trump regular schedules. So if your agreement states she has the children x and z weekends and you are supposed to have them y weekend but her holiday time falls on that weekend she is under no obligation to switch with you. So you may miss out on a weekend but gain a week of time. As stripes stated you need to reword what you want to send. Remember it's YOU that wants this change not the other parent so you have to be nice about it and not come off as demanding


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Old 12-02-2016, 07:37 PM
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hold it hold.

when I asked for a weeks time I was hoping it would be either the first or second half of the holidays - cutting right down the middle weekend.

They have only made this offer in an letter, I can simply refuse and hope to get more by moving forward with my filed motion - that I will only consent to their terms if I get the weekend following the holidays, or just take it or leave it.

I agree that regular access should halt on holidays and resumes after.

She is offering to give me a week that would go through her regular weekend. leaving the rest to her - in other words - she get's two out of three weekends in Christmas holidays - without agreement - I would have two - but she has already indicated she will be cancelling those weekend visits because they fall on Christmas and new years.

Of course, she has a legal right to manipulate access terms to her best interests and I appreciate that.

Technically speaking - we are trading weekends and that trend should follow after the holidays - so that child is not going 2 consecutive weekends without me following the holidays- child is already going 2 consecutive weekends without me before the holidays.

This method of approach: "Would it be all right with you to switch weekends?" and "Would you consider trading weekend X for weekend Y? is going to result in "no, followed by a bunch of ballony."

I would have to move forward with the assumption or court agreement that we are trading weekends and that the weekend following the holidays would be mine. Proceed with that presumption and just message her asking where the child is. And then ask to switch weekends or ask for extra weekend to compensate. Otherwise, I will know this for next time and make sure to put a mechanism in the final order for future occurrence.

Isn't it crazy how some parents just won't discuss, negotiate, and agree and just tell you when you can see your child? And only offer things that are in their favour?

Last edited by trinton; 12-02-2016 at 07:43 PM.
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Old 12-02-2016, 08:21 PM
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You are a high-conflict individual in a high-conflict legal dispute.

You fucked up.

I'd accept the terms and learn from your mistake and not rashly agree to things in the future without careful consideration.

If you want clarification then simply request it.
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Old 12-02-2016, 09:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
You are a high-conflict individual in a high-conflict legal dispute.

You fucked up.

I'd accept the terms and learn from your mistake and not rashly agree to things in the future without careful consideration.

If you want clarification then simply request it.

I haven't agreed with anything. I'd want to make sure I don't go without 2 consecutive weekends before and after the holiday before I sign the consent.

As per clarification, I mentioned to the lawyer initially , he said he would make sure she won't be allowed to pull something like that with the weekends. I am thinking this would be put into the consent order - if it's not in there, I don't sign and it get's put before the judge for a contested hearing.

Family law is just that ridiculous at times.

How is everyone else hearing dividing their Christmas, I'm thinking for my final order, the person who's weekend is prior to Christmas get's first week, the person who's weekend follows new years get's the last week or second half.

Or if the weeks are being alternated then the alternating weekends would follow the pattern generated by the holiday schedule.. make sense ? or one parent always get's screwed every year -

I know my motion has already wrecked their offer to settle of the entire case (where they state that they want both Christmas and New years every year). Worst case scenario, I agree with their proposed time for my motion and have the new year's weekend. I don't consider myself high conflict, but rather, someone who has to work with an extremely difficult and selfish person on the other side.

Last edited by trinton; 12-02-2016 at 09:41 PM.
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Old 12-02-2016, 11:12 PM
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Take the offer of the week. Don't fret over a few days. Don't be petty. Go to Disney Land and have fun! Quality of time over quantity of time - to quote Pazaratz.
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