Child of 14 wants to leave his mother, has sister 10

[Dadinbattle]

I have two children: son to be 14 and daughter 10. They are in Ontario I work (and now live) in Quebec (because that's where I got a job unlike in Ontario).

I would get into the details of how this happened but it would be too long so I'll try to give a minimum of context.

The fact is my son never wanted to live with his mother but because it was its habitual residence (he lived there 2 years by then) she got custody plus judges don't care to separate sibblings.
Basically what is best for him was ignored for the benefit of his sister.

He has had a terrible time since. She constantly threathens him with forbidding him to talk to me or see me. He's in constant fear of never seeing me again.
He repeatedly told her that he doesn't care to live with her or see her ever again if that's what it takes to be with his father.

My son's intentions are clear: leave his mother's house as soon as he can.

Now I understand that if he leaves and go to my home, he is in a position to effectively choose me as his legal guardian.

If indeed he goes through with this, his mother (who couldn't care less) will most certainly hit me with kidnapping or have an order from Ontario court to forcefully return my son to her.

Here is my question: What are my options? What can I do (legally) to help my son stay with me? Where will this be settled ON or Qc? Can he be forced back to live with her until the matter is settled?

Do understand that if he is returned to her he will (I fear) do something irreparable. Also staying with his mom is not an option to him.

Please give me options (realistic ones), advice, chances of success.

[billm]

You don't want to hear this but - move back to live near the children, and be a father to both.

[WorkingDAD]

I think you have to file motion to change. where you will ask Judge to change custody of the child your son with all related from this decision followup's.

Kid is 14. Court will have to take his wish to consideration. I would not move him before... You may end up with a huge problems on your hand...

Just file a motion - should not be long ... If you have a lawyer (honest one in case there is such exist at all) ask him to prepare paperwork and make sure they will not drug it to the woods )

[NBDad]

2 choices depending on your situation...Might be time to sit the son down for a man to man talk about biting the bullet to get what you want in the long term.

Option 1....go to court to have his wishes vetted through the courts. He's 14, so the courts would give what HE wants consideration. Personally I would wait until you have access (ie. over the summer) and then file while he is with you. This can get expensive if your ex chooses to fight it. She MAY be successful, but depending on his maturity level I doubt it. Still, you could be looking at a lot of time and money thrown in to a lawyer this way.

Option 2.....wait 2 more years. The second he turns 16, HE can decide where HE wants to live....courts, police, etc won't touch it. He turns 16, you file with the courts indicating that the 16 year old has chosen to live with you, and to modify whatever arrangements you have now....cheaper in the long run to go this route, because your ex has NO chance of overturning it.

Those are your only two viable options as I see them...though I agree you should be looking for work back in Ontario to be a father to your children.

[LostFather]

Originally Posted by NBDad

2 choices depending on your situation...Might be time to sit the son down for a man to man talk about biting the bullet to get what you want in the long term.

Option 1....go to court to have his wishes vetted through the courts. He's 14, so the courts would give what HE wants consideration. Personally I would wait until you have access (ie. over the summer) and then file while he is with you. This can get expensive if your ex chooses to fight it. She MAY be successful, but depending on his maturity level I doubt it. Still, you could be looking at a lot of time and money thrown in to a lawyer this way.

Option 2.....wait 2 more years. The second he turns 16, HE can decide where HE wants to live....courts, police, etc won't touch it. He turns 16, you file with the courts indicating that the 16 year old has chosen to live with you, and to modify whatever arrangements you have now....cheaper in the long run to go this route, because your ex has NO chance of overturning it.

Those are your only two viable options as I see them...though I agree you should be looking for work back in Ontario to be a father to your children.

kids run away at 14 all the time parents ask police to return them they say they can get involved. 14 year old boy wants to live with dad...whose going to stop it? By the time it goes through the court system boys gets older by the day...don't see the problem...let mom fight...my guess is daughter not too far behind. I say send him a ticket!

[Pink]

I have nearly the exact same situation, the only difference being the distance.

My son who was 14 decided that he wanted to go live with his father because " a boy needs to be with his dad"
His dad works afternoon shifts and is therefore NEVER home when my son is home, except on weekends, so I refused and said there is no point in him moving there to have the x's gf care for him, if I am home and can do it. He won't get any extra time with dad anyway.
One day when I got home from work my son handed me a note that said, Mom I don't know how to tell you this but I'm going to live with dad and you can't stop me..sorry. And 5mins later his dad pulled in the driveway and took him.
At that time we were in the middle of seeing the OCL (childrens lawyer) and were 1 week away from hearing her decision. I got told there was absolutely nothing I could do, that at 14 they are old enough to choose where they want to live.
So now he lives with his dad and I have him alternating weekends plus one mid week every week and my 10yr old lives with me and sees her dad alternating weekends so the siblings see each other every weekend.

[NBDad]

Cops can technically haul them back home at 14. They tend to NOT want to do it, because the kid will likely just run away AGAIN.

You was told wrong...

I distinctly remember having 14 & 15 year old friends "run away" and be hauled back home by the police....at 16 the same friend was over at my place, cops knocked on the door, we opened it, they verified who she was and basically told her..."Please call your mother so she stops bothering us" before turning around and leaving.

At 14, the child must reside with the custodial parent....unless the OTHER parent wants to mod custody by going to court. At 14 it's a virtual certainty that the kids wishes will be what goes.... barring issues like mental capacity and maturity level/etc.

[LostFather]

Originally Posted by NBDad

Cops can technically haul them back home at 14. They tend to NOT want to do it, because the kid will likely just run away AGAIN.

You was told wrong...

I distinctly remember having 14 & 15 year old friends "run away" and be hauled back home by the police....at 16 the same friend was over at my place, cops knocked on the door, we opened it, they verified who she was and basically told her..."Please call your mother so she stops bothering us" before turning around and leaving.

At 14, the child must reside with the custodial parent....unless the OTHER parent wants to mod custody by going to court. At 14 it's a virtual certainty that the kids wishes will be what goes.... barring issues like mental capacity and maturity level/etc.

it was a cbc...get the cops to do it? shit I cant get them to get my children and they are much younger when mom refuses access....and i have a final order...so at 14...you can say all you want what should happen....but it ain't...not at 14...child doesn't want to leave his dad what are they going to do....cuff him? not going to happen..send him the ticket.

[Pink]

The OCL here told me that no cop will go and take a 14yr old who ran away from one parent to the other UNLESS they are in danger, they feel its too traumatic.
A judge will almost ALWAYS let a child of that age decide where they want to live.

[walshch]

Child custody matters are Provincial Legislation, so NBDad may be correct for New Brunswick. That doesn't apply in Ontario, and the cops will only apprehend a "Child in need of Protection" under the Child & Family Services Act (of Ontario) CAS would get involved and the Courts would decide, as Pink describes in her post.