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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 10-01-2017, 03:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachnana View Post
As I have said before once a child becomes a teen they will make their own decisions.

If a parent constantly shoots down the hopes and dreams of a child they will regret it later on down the road.

Just spent a weekend with a group of teens and several are from separated homes. None like the decisions their parents have made. None like being used in the power struggles.

However even in intact families parents often disagree on whether their child should register for time consuming activities. It's part of the parent child relationship regardless of the relationship status.

Keep him in house league for now and see how his commitment pans out. The Staal. Rothers practiced on a farm pond!
The Staals, gretzkys and Crosbys are a dime a dozen. I'm not fantasizing about the nhl. The life lessons and health benefits are more important. At most I would hope for a scholarship or getting into a good school.

But for anything to happen it needs to begin. And I feel that every year a child is kept out of rep sports they are taking a step back.
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 10-01-2017, 03:27 PM
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Well until your child can show the other parent that this is their chosen path you will have to shelve your dreams..
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 10-01-2017, 03:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Beachnana View Post
Well until your child can show the other parent that this is their chosen path you will have to shelve your dreams..
A child should not have to show a parent. The parent should see their child and guide them. Parent them.

They are not my dreams. My child has a talent. A talent seen by coaches, other parents and me. How could one "parent" not see it?
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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 10-01-2017, 03:51 PM
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So what are the objections from the parent? Travel, not interested in the sport or other extended family commitments.

If you register and pay for the rep team 100% yourself, will your child be upset if they miss games. Or is it you who,would be upset.

My nephew started playing hockey at age 11 and made the university team. So all is not lost at age 7.

It looks like you will,have to wait until the child is older and able to express their desire to be in a more competitive league and spend more time at the sport. Your ex appears not to be interested in Your opinion on the value of competitive sport vs time and commitment.

I do understand your frustration as I have 3 children who all went through competitive sports 2 in hockey, one in swimming. So I know both the time and financial commitments plus the health and developmental benefits.

But you are not in a situation where you can make this happen right now, so you need to foster the love of the sports. Expose your child to as much as you can in your time and hope that later on the chi,d will push to participate in a higher level regardless of parental preferences.

It's the path you and your ex have chosen for your chi,d at this time.

Last edited by Beachnana; 10-01-2017 at 03:55 PM.
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Old 10-01-2017, 04:09 PM
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Unfortunately this is the reality when working with a party that objects. And if it was to go to court they would argue that they are losing time with their child. Added to that, saying no pisses you off and they prefer to do that rather than upset their child. This person is not thinking in the best interest of the child and fighting is getting you nowhere.

Put the child in the activity if you want and expect them to miss some time in it. Or you can put them in an activity that is only on your time and avoid it. This is the problem with divorce, inevitably the kids suffer.

Like others have said, kid will grow up and see which parent cares and make their choices that way. Yes its still 8-10 years away but they will see the truth.

Spending time and money on court for a useless battle like this isnt worth it. Your child can still have the benefit of team sports and activities without having to ensure this bs from the other parent.

Not the hill to die on!
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Old 10-01-2017, 04:23 PM
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I agree with rockscan. It's not like they are losing out on something irreplaceable by not playing rep. They can still learn the value of teamwork, hard work, commitment and pursuit of goals all while in house league. 7 is very young. Lots of time to try lots of different things. Rep hockey is extremely time consuming and expensive so I can see this being a point of contention in many intact families as well. It sounds like there may be reasons to alter your agreement in the future but I wouldn't go to court over this one issue when the alternative is that the child still gets to play hockey and do what they love. Like others are telling you, the child will see who is listening to them and who wants to value their choices and who wants to deprive them for their own agenda. If the child and the coaches are all telling the other parent that there is a gift here that should not be wasted, then your child is going to be extremely resentful towards them in the future. Let them play house league A and keep building on skills. I think it's useless to potentially go to court on this right now, when the child is 7.


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  #27 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2017, 10:03 AM
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Thanks everyone. I guess I'll just keep my kid in the rep program and go on my time. Something is better than nothing.
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  #28 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2017, 11:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by leavingthestation View Post
A child should not have to show a parent. The parent should see their child and guide them. Parent them.
Part of parenting is making decisions on extracurricular activities. Your values are not the value of your ex. You value hockey, your ex does not. Maybe she values staying at home with the family.

Quote:
They are not my dreams. My child has a talent. A talent seen by coaches, other parents and me. How could one "parent" not see it?
Is your child NHL caliber? If so, gather evidence and go to court. If not, then your claims of how this is wonderful is at best completely subjective. The time your kids spend on hockey might hurt them when it comes to picking up other employment skills. Or maybe it will help. It's a parenting decision. Their mom disagrees with your assessment, that's how parenting works. No court is going to help you.
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2017, 11:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Janus View Post
Part of parenting is making decisions on extracurricular activities. Your values are not the value of your ex. You value hockey, your ex does not. Maybe she values staying at home with the family.

Is your child NHL caliber? If so, gather evidence and go to court. If not, then your claims of how this is wonderful is at best completely subjective. The time your kids spend on hockey might hurt them when it comes to picking up other employment skills. Or maybe it will help. It's a parenting decision. Their mom disagrees with your assessment, that's how parenting works. No court is going to help you.
I'm going to disagree with your opinion. My ex made a big stink about sports in court. My lawyer questioned her about it and the judge gave my ex a tongue lashing.

Bottom line here is I'm trying to encourage our child. And realizing something they love and are good at and encouraging and nurturing these talents is parenting.
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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2017, 11:47 AM
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Originally Posted by leavingthestation View Post
Our agreement states that we won't schedule activities on the other parents time unless we both agree.
That's pretty black and white. Why are you seeking to change your agreement so soon after it was signed? Again, is your kid NHL caliber?

Quote:
Bottom line here is I'm trying to encourage our child to pursue something they love and are good at.
You are hoping to impose your parenting wishes on the other parent. I would like to my kids to join coding classes, but the classes available require the kids attending on some days that the kids are with the ex. She doesn't care about coding. My kids would be very interested in coding, and are rather talented at it. My agreement has similar language to yours.

Do you think the courts would override our agreement to let me force kids to attend coding classes on their mother's time? Is hockey more special than coding? Which is more likely to lead to better employment?

If coding doesn't do it for you, substitute the same arguments for:

1) Karate
2) Kumon
3) Horseback riding lessons
4) Yoga
5) Skiing
6) Boy Scouts
7) Baseball

The ONLY thing that would differentiate your hockey from any of the above activities would be if your son has a realistic chance of making millions of dollars a year in the NHL. Otherwise, you're just another self-absorbed parent who thinks that their activities of choice are better than the other parent's choices.
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