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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 02-01-2017, 12:36 PM
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e28makaveli has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default Cannot seem to make any progress with divorce

My separation occurred in October 2015. My lawyer submitted my financial statement to the ex's lawyer sometime last year. In fact, we started this process in July 2016. We received her financial statement probably in November 2016 and then started a settlement offer which we submitted and asked for a response no later than Jan 31 2017. All lawyer assisted, draining my finances. The other side has yet to comply with our request to respond no later than Jan 31.

This whole process is dragging me down financially and emotionally since we have no court order in place. Ex wife is doing all she can in her power to make my life miserable with regards to the children. And she can, without a court order in place.

I asked my lawyer today if I can fill out a divorce application (form 8) and bring it to her to sign the lawyer certificate and she responds with the following:


Quote:
I cannot sign the Lawyer’s Certificate for you because as we have discussed before, your situation is not as straightforward as just asking for a Divorce. There are outstanding issues relating to property division, custody/access, and support that need to be resolved, and in relation to which you have claims that need to be pleaded in the context of any Divorce Application.
From what I understand, one can file a divorce application alteast to get the other person to comply and if they do not, the hearing can go on without them. I also understand that if we cannot resolve issues at the case conference, there is a court hearing which will then give us an opportunity to dispute our disagreements infront of a judge. My lawyer is not telling me any of this but telling me to wait. Wait for how long? She cannot say.

I need to be proactive and get this thing done. I cannot keep my life on hold if the other party cannot make up their mind.

What are my options?

Last edited by e28makaveli; 02-01-2017 at 12:38 PM. Reason: http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/newreply.php?do=newreply&noquote=1&p=217445
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Old 02-01-2017, 08:17 PM
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I wish I had better news for you but your lawyer is right.

What takes time in a divorce with financial and custody issues isn't the divorce itself...its reaching an agreement on the issues so you can get a separation agreement signed. You can't really proceed with the divorce until that is completed. And depending on the temperament of your ex, it can take some time.

I had a high conflict ex and it took me almost 6 years to get divorced.

Some of the things that will take time are:

-agreement on disposition of assets (especially the marital home)
-custody & parental time for children (this can take a longggg time depending on the hostility level of your ex and how they feel about "ownership" of the kids)
-child support & spousal support

Once you get an SA in place, the divorce proceeds quickly but you can't get to that point unless you have all the issues resolved...which is what your lawyer is telling you.

I wish I could tell you that this is a quick process but even under the best circumstances it isn't. And if you have an ex that wants to cause you grief, set a status quo with the kids, or just wants to make your legal fees high...they can drag things out and make a lot of noise in the system.

Just getting onto some court calendars...depending on where you live...can take months.

My advice....just relax and recognize that you can't control what happens here. You're going to get frustrated and its going to cost you more money than you're prepared for....so look for areas where you can compromise and hope that your ex will do the same.

The reality is that a vexatious, high-conflict ex can make the process really, really trying.

Ignore it as much as you can. Spend time with your kids...start dating...figure out your finances...and more along with life.

Don't let the divorce date be the start of your new life...just start it now. Otherwise, you're likely to be in limbo-hell for a long time.
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Old 02-02-2017, 12:33 AM
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been there done that, you can't get your divorce order until

1.all property issues and/or spousal support are decided on a final basis
2. child custody , access, and child support issues are resolved

and then you can get your divorce.

not trusting your lawyer and arguing with them about the law is a sure way to piss them off and alienate them. Trust them and let them do their job.

But I understand, I've had lawyers that pissed me off before. The tone I'm perceiving from your lawyer is basically, piss off and let me do my job.

I would expect something more in the form of , we need to resolve all property and custody issues before I can get you the divorce order. The court won't order a divorce until all of that is figured out. I will give you a call next week to discuss next steps.

What your lawyer has written sounds a lot like the tone of voice I got emails from my previous lawyer. she was a female lawyer. they represent moms and take negative views on fathers all the time.

that's not to say that there are not female lawyers who truly feel for some dads. But at the end of the day, they are moms themselves, and represent opposing positions argued by moms, and would not dare go into court arguing something for a dad that they just argued against for a mom, the day before.

If you don't trust your lawyer, or get bad vibes from her, or are having doubts about what she is telling you, seek a second opinion from another lawyer. You might find you trust the new lawyer and get a long quite well.

Come on, you got to be able to crack jokes with your lawyer. It's a good feeling. My previous lawyer, though things did not turn out as expected, there was times we laughed our assess off at the opposing parties position or her lawyer's bluffs. But it happens with my new lawyer all the time. Love it.

Last edited by trinton; 02-02-2017 at 12:37 AM.
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Old 02-02-2017, 11:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by e28makaveli View Post
And she can, without a court order in place.
Then bring an Application before the court to get an order for all the things that are still not resolved. Don't sit there and cry "victim" in all this when you have all the right (and responsibility) to bring a matter before the court.

Stop waiting around and start acting.
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Old 02-02-2017, 12:32 PM
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All good advice.

I met with my lawyer yesterday she explained the process in better details. Her advise is consistent with what has been posted in this thread that it takes longer to agree on asset split, child access, etc. Most of the claims I have made in the settle offer, I think are reasonable, however.

Guess, I'll just have to let the process move along. What I need though is a court order on child access, atleast an interim solution, as she is trying to alienate the children from me. It also does not help that she is currently pregnant by some other dude and will not be able to meet her obligations of driving the children to Ottawa every 2 weeks!

I will continue paying our agreed support amount and hopefully if this whole thing appears before the judge, it backfires on her someday.
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Old 02-02-2017, 12:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
Then bring an Application before the court to get an order for all the things that are still not resolved. Don't sit there and cry "victim" in all this when you have all the right (and responsibility) to bring a matter before the court.

Stop waiting around and start acting.
After the meeting yesterday, I asked my lawyer to send to hers one last letter asking for a response to my proposed 2017 child access schedule as well as our settlement offer by the end of this week.

If we do not receive a response, I will bring an application before the court. This is all rather unfortunate as this also affects my work arrangement. I am scheduled to travel for company business on Sunday and her lack of response to my proposed child access schedule this weekend is jeopardizing that trip.
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Old 02-02-2017, 01:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by e28makaveli View Post
After the meeting yesterday, I asked my lawyer to send to hers one last letter asking for a response to my proposed 2017 child access schedule as well as our settlement offer by the end of this week.

If we do not receive a response, I will bring an application before the court. This is all rather unfortunate as this also affects my work arrangement. I am scheduled to travel for company business on Sunday and her lack of response to my proposed child access schedule this weekend is jeopardizing that trip.
They love the control. Get your lawyer to light up the torch under her arse and turn it up to the maximum. That'll fix her up.

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Old 02-02-2017, 01:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trinton View Post
They love the control. Get your lawyer to light up the torch under her arse and turn it up to the maximum. That'll fix her up.

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Here's what you do:

Your ex's thirst for blood in the court system will make you lose your job. (Good because it makes you miss months out of your children's lives).

So it'll be her fault you lost your job (all her antics) .. so you can get one with more flexible antics and get 50/50.
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Old 02-02-2017, 01:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingFather32 View Post
Here's what you do:

Your ex's thirst for blood in the court system will make you lose your job. (Good because it makes you miss months out of your children's lives).

So it'll be her fault you lost your job (all her antics) .. so you can get one with more flexible antics and get 50/50.
Do not lose your job. Get laid off and go on EI. Or get a doctor permit to leave work due to stress.

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Old 02-02-2017, 03:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trinton View Post
They love the control. Get your lawyer to light up the torch under her arse and turn it up to the maximum. That'll fix her up.

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Guess this can only be done via court action right? Well guess, this is where we are going.
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