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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 11-14-2017, 11:22 AM
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You may want to look into daycare subsidies as well. Unfortunately for your ex, children need to be looked after and daycare is much cheaper than spousal support. In the end, his contribution to daycare will probably not be as much as he thinks. The costs to fight it is a waste of money.
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 11-14-2017, 01:25 PM
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Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
I think thats what he is afraid of, he is better off paying table CS with no Daycare. The way I see it, as long as I am home for the kids, I am his free babysitter during his work hours.

I did retain a lawyer about a month ago, and it took me longer than I thought to gather all the necessary paperwork. They were filed last week and now the waiting game.

I can no longer sit on my ass Ex makes $55,000 a year, no way that can support 2 kids and manage 2 households. It was tough enough when we where together.

Its common sense for me, that both parents should be equal in the raising of the children regardless if one stayed home in the early years.
He doesn't get a choice if you work or not. You are not together anymore, and he has no say in that sort of decision. Post-separation, all adults should be self-supporting, as much as possible.

The way I see it, there are four options here.

50-50 time, offset CS, you go back to work and daycare is a s7 expense. Your increased income means CS would be less than table. Maybe you'll even make more than him and he'll be the recipient of the offset, and pay a smaller proportion of daycare.

50-50 time, offset table CS, you don't go back to work and daycare is not needed. Your income will be much less, so he'll pay close to table CS, if not entire table CS. He'll also have to pay SS, since he doesn't want you working in this arrangement, which would seem likely to be way more than the s7 he's trying to avoid. As you noted, that's an unsustainable expense.

Full access to you, table CS from him, you don't go back to work, daycare is not needed. Not much different than the above scenario except he sees the kids less. It sounds like this is the option he wants, because he thinks it's cheapest? Does he realize this option involves him paying you SS because he won't let you work? That would be much more than a s7 share of daycare.

Full access to you, table CS from him, you go back to work, daycare is a s7 expense. He's paying the same CS as above, but now he has a s7 share since daycare is needed, though not that bad because you also have an income and share the expense. And again, he sees the kids less.

You need to stress to him that everybody, himself included but particularly the kids, will benefit from you going back to work. Sustaining two households requires two incomes. Does he actually expect you to live off his table CS alone??

Do some math. Pretend you get minimum wage if you work, guesstimate daycare costs, and create a chart with all the possible outcomes. Include your CS, his CS, offset, s7 shares, etc, and show him the results for the four scenarios above. Including how little money you'd have in your household if you didn't work, or if he paid you SS.

If money is his motivator, whatever gets him on board with the 50-50 idea would be best for the kids. However, is he really deep one of those dads who is not that interested in the kids, and is just using money as an excuse so he doesn't look bad? If so, you may want to approach things differently.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 11-14-2017, 02:34 PM
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Thanks so much for your detail scenarios! Unfortunately since I filed my application communication has broken down between the 2 of us. In the meantime I am hoping he has hired a lawyer, or at least looked up online what the payments should be in all scenarios. Bottom line is I cant afford to stay home anymore, and I am in fact looking forward to re entering the work force even for my own sanity. Having my own salary is going to far exceed any spousal support I could obtain on his salary.

He is NOT a bad father, he loves his kids just as much as I do, he is just use to me doing everything child related and quite fine with this status quo. We have been separated for a year now, and he has only once taken the children for a week once so I could travel out of town to say goodbye to an ailing relative. He lasted 3 days before calling in my Mom to take over for the duration of the week.

I may be naive but I am hoping after he speaks to a lawyer or even a Judge, or come on here, he will see the benefit of co-parenting and the benefits or sharing equal time and both be financially responsible for the children.
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 11-14-2017, 03:22 PM
Join Date: Jul 2017
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foreverhome is on a distinguished road

You can apply for urgent motion to make him
pay spousal support. It should help you to pay for your school.
Plus child support, get subsidy for daycare , child benefits.
Don't worry Family Responisibily Office will
go after your ex and collect the money, if he is not willing to do so.
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 11-14-2017, 04:26 PM
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I don't believe that is what she is looking to accomplish at all.
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