Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 11-13-2017, 10:21 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 39
kate331 is on a distinguished road
Default Between a Rock and a Hard Place.

I desperately need to pick up the pieces of my new life as a single parent. I need to get back in the work force, but before that need to upgrade a few skills. I should be ready to be fully employable in about 6 months (max). In order to do this I will need daycare which he verbally refuses to pay, saying he cant afford it and doesn't need it.

A 50/50 access would be the best solution, for my situation. I could concentrate 100% of my focus every other week to upgrading my skills. And of course its better for children to have both parents equally involved.

Did I did my own grave? Yes somewhat because I was the stay at home parent for the last 7 years. And after he left I was naive and didnt know what "status quo" was until I found this forum. I have the children 90% of the time, for a year now.

Thats my vent, but I do have 2 question. We were Common Law, never married, so the divorce act doesnt apply? So its my understanding we only have to figure out custody, access & table child support. Spousal support shouldnt be an issue as I am confident, I will be working withing the next 6 months.

I have read on here, but now cant find it, that 50/50 is legally default? So whats stopping me next time he picks up the kids to say "see you in a week", and hole myself up somewhere to study.

Hope you dont think I am a "Bad Mom" !
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 11-13-2017, 10:38 PM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,918
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

How long have you not worked? 7 years?

Before you jump back into the fray, I'd suggest you pick up some part-time work even if it is at Tim Hortons. Get used to juggling the kids. You might have friends/family who would pitch in and help with the kids. Sure you might only make minimum wage but it's better than nothing.

Once you figure out what career you are truly interested in then look into how you are going to pay for school.

I think you need to start off slow and go from there. Don't overwhelm yourself a/or your children. If kids are used to you being around for the last 7 years then they will need to adapt to mom working.

You are a smart and loving mom!
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 11-13-2017, 10:54 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,228
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
Default

so your ex doesn't want 50/50?
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 11-13-2017, 11:20 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 39
kate331 is on a distinguished road
Default

Have been home for 7 years. I already have a Bachelors degree in Science, and a certificate for Medical Billings aka Medical Secretary. So I would like to brush up on codes and volunteer at a Medical Office to get up to speed and obtain some references. At this point I need to go back to school for a brush up, it wouldn't be a full class schedule, just some classes to get me updated and back up to speed. But it would require some daycare.

Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I think you need to start off slow and go from there. Don't overwhelm yourself a/or your children. If kids are used to you being around for the last 7 years then they will need to adapt to mom working.
True but its been a year for them to get use to this seperation. Now is the next phase where they need to also get use to having a working Mom.

Thanks for your kind words!
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 11-13-2017, 11:23 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 39
kate331 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
so your ex doesn't want 50/50?
No, it's me that wants the 50/50.
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 11-13-2017, 11:26 PM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,918
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

You wouldn't require school for this. You just need some time applying your trade (work experience). Check with a local university (if there is one within your area) as they usually have very good daycare and will train inhouse. Do you have any relevant work experience?

Also check out senior residences/organizations - they are always looking for people.
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 11-13-2017, 11:36 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 39
kate331 is on a distinguished road
Default

I do have past experience, but the new automated patient care has completely changed since I was employed almost 8 years ago, if you count my Maternity Leave. I would feel more confident, taking some courses.

I am in Toronto so no problem finding Universities/Colleges.
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 11-14-2017, 08:06 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 45
Asphenaz is on a distinguished road
Default

Not sure about your field but most employers give on the job training as well.

A course or two will help along with your past experience to make you stand out from the other applicants.

If you are on speaking terms have you mentioned, how much more expensive it would be in terms of SS and CS if you can’t work vs daycare to allow you back into the workforce? And how it would be investing in his own financial future?

A call to a lawyer or a couple searches on google would open his eyes to what ‘expensive’ really means.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 11-14-2017, 09:46 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 2,969
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

As many have pointed out on other threads—you can’t fix stupid or force a parent to parent their child. If your ex does not want 50/50 then he will have to pay a portion of daycare. Its in the child support guidelines as a section 7 expense.

My two cents is you should get a lawyer and start working towards the necessary order to recover the money. You could start by advising the child’s father that you plan to go back to work full time which will require child care. You would like to explore a 50/50 custody regime in the best interest of the child. Should he refuse, you will be moving forward with an order for full table support and daycare costs. Give him a deadline and then file the paperwork. The longer you wait the harder it will be to get back to work.

You are to be commended for doing this. Most of the men on this forum have exs who want to sit on their ass with full custody to pad their pockets (if you believe their comments) whereas you want your ex to take an equal parenting role and support the children.
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 11-14-2017, 11:02 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 39
kate331 is on a distinguished road
Default

I think thats what he is afraid of, he is better off paying table CS with no Daycare. The way I see it, as long as I am home for the kids, I am his free babysitter during his work hours.

I did retain a lawyer about a month ago, and it took me longer than I thought to gather all the necessary paperwork. They were filed last week and now the waiting game.

I can no longer sit on my ass Ex makes $55,000 a year, no way that can support 2 kids and manage 2 households. It was tough enough when we where together.

Its common sense for me, that both parents should be equal in the raising of the children regardless if one stayed home in the early years.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My 9 yr old son wants to come to my place instead of his Mom's. bigdad Divorce & Family Law 119 10-29-2012 11:08 AM
Now that's a big rock HappyMomma General Chat 5 08-16-2011 09:20 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:55 PM.