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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 09-05-2017, 02:58 PM
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Default Backdating Date of Separation

Has anyone here been in disagreement with the date of separation? If so, tell me your story.

My ex blindsided me March 4, 2016 and left. He had apparently been planning it for months as he had bought a new house 5 months earlier, had it renovated and purchased all new furnishings before he left me. He schemed behind my back for months yet we carried on our daily lives as before. We were married 23 years.

He is adamant to backdate the date of separation to the previous September (2015). His excuses went from "it coincides with his year end and would make it easier for valuation" to he was a "victim of physical assault 7 months earlier and it was understood we were separated" (total bs).

Obviously he wants to backdate the separation date for financial purposes, but sInce he has yet to disclose all of his information we are unsure what the difference monetarily is. We have had one case conference and the Justice has made endorsements for my ex to provide valuations for both his suggested date of separation, my suggested date, as well as his 2017 year end (he's a lawyer by the way).

Backdating this date is of the utmost importance to him. His lawyer is very nasty and his Affidavits have been full of lies. We may have to have a separate trial just to determine the date of separation and I am so far in debt already I am wondering how long I can last and see it through. My gut feeling tells me he is hiding money and assets, and I need to stick this out.


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Old 09-05-2017, 05:12 PM
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up until you separated (when you think the time was) were you still sharing the same bed? Still doing things as a family like family functions like him going to your relatives for Christmas. If you guys did do stuff like that then he would be hard pressed saying you were separated in September.

He is probably trying to save his new house and stuff he bought. He needs to provide his financials so equalization can be done. I bet he is trying to say he bought the house etc after separation.

Where did the money come from to buy the house etc that he now has?
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Old 09-05-2017, 05:24 PM
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We carried on exactly the same. Sharing the same bed is not an issue as he has slept in a spare room early on in our marriage due to excessive snoring. Nonetheless we managed to have 5 pregnancies throughout. We ate meals together, socialized together, parented as a unit and attended family functions together, etc. And, I have dozens of emails between us during that period he says we were living separate and apart indicating that we were still a functioning married couple. It's baffling to me he's pursuing to try and prove otherwise.

As for where he got the money for his new house, that is a mystery but our finances were always handled by him through his office. I'm sure he has a line of credit. He's been a lawyer for nearly 30 years and has a successful practice. Any bank would loan him money.


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Old 09-05-2017, 05:44 PM
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Seems pretty obvious to me that March 4, 2016 is your date of separation, as before that date, you had no clue the marriage was ending.

His strategy does appear to be to wear you down, financially and by bullying, until you agree with him. Therefore his preferred date can only be to his benefit, not yours.

That said, however, you can be "right" all you want, but you have to decide if the cost of being "right" is worth the fight and the results. It sounds like he's willing to fight you to the bitter end, even if it means more money going to lawyers than would ever have been given to you.

If you win, you'll get the correct equalization, and he'll have to pay your costs to get there. Does your lawyer think you have a chance, based on your evidence (the emails)?

It's hard to make the decision until you have all three sets of his financials for the three possible dates. Did the judge give him a deadline, or can he keep draining you indefinitely?

Do your research and your own financials and best guesses to his, and get prepared.
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Old 09-05-2017, 08:19 PM
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I'd stand your ground on the March 2016 date.

Your eligibility for CPP shared pension credits may be affected by separation date.
One wouldn't think that would matter to a successful lawyer who commands a good income as he likely isn't going to be relying in any way on CPP when he retires. However, you don't know what your financial circumstances will be when you are 65 (or when you opt to collect CPP).

If you or your ex accumulated/purchased any property prior to date of separation then same is considered to be part of "matrimonial property." Your ex may just want to not have to include his new digs into the equation.

Your separation date may make a difference on your ex's partnership position (or partnership insurance) - something to check out or ask about.

As you go through financial disclosure you will likely be enlightened as to why the separation date is so important to your ex. The fact that he is being so adamant about it would make me stop in my tracks and question things.

Of course, you have retained respectable, experienced legal counsel? Your ex is responsible for the behavior and actions of his lawyer. He likely told the lawyer to be aggressive and intimidate. With this in mind I'd minimize your exposure to opposing counsel. Let your lawyer take care of things. Go have a spa holiday and do something nice for yourself.
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Old 09-05-2017, 08:43 PM
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Lol. Thanks.

Yes, i have counsel. Actually, my first lawyer was recommended to me by a family law lawyer who is now a judge. My lawyer was a nice guy and seemed competent, but after speaking with soooooo many more friends in "the biz", I learned he would not be aggressive enough for my needs. As of last week I have a new lawyer, and she is a Spitfire! And costly.

My "Wasband" (that's my name for my ex) and I have not spoken since he left. His lawyer is an incompetent boob, a buddy he went to law school with. Think of the comedian Louie Anderson. This guy came to our wedding. He doesn't do strictly Family Law and it's obvious.

His lawyer is good at verbal diarrhea, and his correspondence is so comical and grammatically incorrect I forward his letters to family and friends so we can all be amused. They plan to drag this matter on for as long as possible, because my Wasband will have a sizeable equalization payment to pay me, as well as spousal support the rest of my life.

In the meantime, I sink in debt. I visit my Loan Shark in the morning, my 83 year old father, who I am already in debt $40,000 to.


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Old 09-05-2017, 09:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Karma2016 View Post
... "it coincides with his year end and would make it easier for valuation"
I would think that's an admission of backdating for purposes of cutting you out.

Since you mentioned operating as family, events and whatnot, would you have photos at events with him since his backdate? I think that would further prove things.
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Old 09-06-2017, 12:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Karma2016 View Post
Lol. Thanks.

Yes, i have counsel. Actually, my first lawyer was recommended to me by a family law lawyer who is now a judge. My lawyer was a nice guy and seemed competent, but after speaking with soooooo many more friends in "the biz", I learned he would not be aggressive enough for my needs. As of last week I have a new lawyer, and she is a Spitfire! And costly.

My "Wasband" (that's my name for my ex) and I have not spoken since he left. His lawyer is an incompetent boob, a buddy he went to law school with. Think of the comedian Louie Anderson. This guy came to our wedding. He doesn't do strictly Family Law and it's obvious.

His lawyer is good at verbal diarrhea, and his correspondence is so comical and grammatically incorrect I forward his letters to family and friends so we can all be amused. They plan to drag this matter on for as long as possible, because my Wasband will have a sizeable equalization payment to pay me, as well as spousal support the rest of my life.

In the meantime, I sink in debt. I visit my Loan Shark in the morning, my 83 year old father, who I am already in debt $40,000 to.


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feel for you... particularly when you do your taxes the first time. You do realize that all the SS you receive is taxable.... yeah sure you can write off your lawyers against it but it will sure to fuck you up. Make sure you lawyer factors that into things.

My ex had a few "top" female lawyers ... they were dreadful... terrible courtroom presence. Be sure to watch yours in action (in a courtroom).... you may change your mind. Important thing is how the judges accept the lawyer - everything else (letter-writing) is irrelevant in the end. If the judge hates your lawyer you're doomed.
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Old 09-07-2017, 09:09 AM
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Default Backdating Date of Separation

It mind baffling that someone can be so unhappy that they're setting up a new life and the other spouse has absolutely no idea. To me that indicates that you were both roommates a long time ago. I don't believe for a second that you were completely unaware. Reading your post, you are not a fool and I think that as much as he's playing games, so are you. Too bad because it will impact your children and grandchildren relationship with you both long term.

Likely, the courts will side with you and the lawyers will be the only real winners. But I guess you will get the satisfaction of some extra cash (you don't even know what you're fighting for!) and be vindicated as being the victim - priceless.




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Old 09-08-2017, 06:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by len14 View Post
It mind baffling that someone can be so unhappy that they're setting up a new life and the other spouse has absolutely no idea. To me that indicates that you were both roommates a long time ago. I don't believe for a second that you were completely unaware. Reading your post, you are not a fool and I think that as much as he's playing games, so are you. Too bad because it will impact your children and grandchildren relationship with you both long term.

Likely, the courts will side with you and the lawyers will be the only real winners. But I guess you will get the satisfaction of some extra cash (you don't even know what you're fighting for!) and be vindicated as being the victim - priceless.




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Wow. Judgmental much? I quarantine you I had absolutely no idea what he was planning, nor did our kids. I was fooled and believe me I felt like a fool. We were certainly not in a loving relationship at the time, but we were not combative and carried on our lives as a married couple would. I was devastated and required medical care. What he did was cruel, and unnecessary. He always has been conflict avoidance and didn't have the "cojones" nor decency to end the marriage like a proper man.

There is evidence he was having an affair at the time as well, although I am not 100% certain.

You are correct it will impact our adult children and future grandchildren. Had he not been a total prick, we could have possibly continued to coparent amicably. But I do not see that happening anytime in the near future. And I am not looking for "extra cash" as you say; I am only expecting what the law allows i.e. Equal division of our assets acquired during the marriage. Obviously he is hiding assets, otherwise the date of separation would not be an issue.




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