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-   -   Appointments (http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f3/appointments-21047/)

Ange71727 05-19-2017 05:21 PM

Appointments
 
Those with joint custody here - do you always attend all appointments, parent-teacher interviews together or make your own? Ie. if the appointment is on your time would you inform the other parent and expect them to come? Do you make your own parent-teacher interviews when it is convenient in your schedule or make sure the other parent's schedule is consulted to find a joint time?
Just wondering what the common practices are for people here.


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trinton 05-19-2017 05:33 PM

It's been answered:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...eetings-20461/

however, most recently, I met with the teacher on my own on a time convenient to me since the teacher reached out to me to discuss progress. I also communicate with the teacher on my own. Before that they used to bring us both. And before that it was separate meetings. You could both attend to get the same information but not required. So if the teacher reaches out to me to share information then I will just go and assume it will also be shared with the other parent. If the teacher wants to bring us in both, then I will attend. But I think the other parent communicates with the teachers for what meetings she wants me present and what meetings she doesn't.

The school will however bring in both parents, teachers, principal, etc when sharing information regarding IEP (in my case anyway).

PS. access to information from the school, as long as you have access, has nothing to do on whether you have joint custody or sole custody. You can get your own information but With joint-custody you should make decisions together.

Ange71727 05-19-2017 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trinton (Post 220894)
It's been answered:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...eetings-20461/

however, most recently, I met with the teacher on my own on a time convenient to me since the teacher reached out to me to discuss progress. I also communicate with the teacher on my own. Before that they used to bring us both. And before that it was separate meetings. You could both attend to get the same information but not required. So if the teacher reaches out to me to share information then I will just go and assume it will also be shared with the other parent. If the teacher wants to bring us in both, then I will attend. But I think the other parent communicates with the teachers for what meetings she wants me present and what meetings she doesn't.

The school will however bring in both parents, teachers, principal, etc when sharing information regarding IEP (in my case anyway).

PS. access to information from the school, as long as you have access, has nothing to do on whether you have joint custody or sole custody. You can get your own information but With joint-custody you should make decisions together.



In my case, the school contacted me to set up the IEP meeting and basically told me the available date as it involved coordinating with multiple staff. I told ex about it and rearranged my day to be able to attend. He demanded I reschedule as it didn't fit his schedule. He isn't available until almost June. I said I was keeping the appointment because the teachers stressed the importance of getting it done now before the end of the school year. I am now the worst person in the world for doing this. I also offered to call him to conference call or take notes and relay all info. He set up his own appointment for two weeks from now.
We also have a history of never doing interviews together given the contentiousness. I have to admit it was nice to speak freely without him there given I may have different concerns than him. Up until now this has been his stance too.


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LovingFather32 05-20-2017 02:15 AM

Simple Dr and dentist appt's we go to on our time. No need for both there .. for us anyways.

Parent-teacher interviews always together.

LovingFather32 05-20-2017 10:26 AM

Just to add, when the teacher scheduled a parent teacher interview my ex couldn't make it and asked for it to be rescheduled. I had zero problem with that as I realized the importance of us both being there. So we rescheduled and had a great meeting. I learn more and more the importance of flexibility and being reasonable as separated parents.

trinton 05-20-2017 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ange71727 (Post 220903)
In my case, the school contacted me to set up the IEP meeting and basically told me the available date as it involved coordinating with multiple staff. I told ex about it and rearranged my day to be able to attend. He demanded I reschedule as it didn't fit his schedule. He isn't available until almost June. I said I was keeping the appointment because the teachers stressed the importance of getting it done now before the end of the school year. I am now the worst person in the world for doing this. I also offered to call him to conference call or take notes and relay all info. He set up his own appointment for two weeks from now.
We also have a history of never doing interviews together given the contentiousness. I have to admit it was nice to speak freely without him there given I may have different concerns than him. Up until now this has been his stance too.


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I have seen judges order both parents attend together but apart if availabilities don't line up. Does your order say you must attend with him together? Your availability doesn't line up.. you want the information now.. he wants it a month later.. so you go get it now and he can get it a month later.

Ange71727 05-20-2017 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trinton (Post 220915)
I have seen judges order both parents attend together but apart if availabilities don't line up. Does your order say you must attend with him together? Your availability doesn't line up.. you want the information now.. he wants it a month later.. so you go get it now and he can get it a month later.



That's it. I don't see a problem with it. No the agreement says nothing about attending together. I just wondered if the general consensus is that this is ok. I can tell you the teacher's don't always enjoy this, but sometimes it is necessary I think.


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arabian 05-20-2017 04:33 PM

This situation bring to mind my recollection of an event when my son was in Grade 5. My then-husband and I attended the usual parent-teacher meeting. Normally I went to these alone but on this one occasion he came with me. My ex is a rather abrasive, loud individual. We typically only agreed on politics and certainly never agreed on educational matters involving our son.

When we met with the teacher my ex went on one of his tangents about politics and education (probably how things are not the same as when he was a child...blah, blah, blah). I likely disagreed with him.

I guess the teacher understandably felt uncomfortable and incorrectly interpreted our "communication" with each other as a full-blown argument. A few weeks later we received a call from a school psychologist who wanted to come to our home to meet with us! We agreed, assuming there was a serious problem with our son. As it turns out the teacher was so alarmed by our meeting with her that she decided that there was a need for psychologist to meet with us. In the end the psychologist apologized to us and we all had a good laugh.

So.... my thinking is that sometimes it's good for parents to meet with the teacher separately.

Ange71727 05-20-2017 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arabian (Post 220919)
This situation bring to mind my recollection of an event when my son was in Grade 5. My then-husband and I attended the usual parent-teacher meeting. Normally I went to these alone but on this one occasion he came with me. My ex is a rather abrasive, loud individual. We typically only agreed on politics and certainly never agreed on educational matters involving our son.

When we met with the teacher my ex went on one of his tangents about politics and education (probably how things are not the same as when he was a child...blah, blah, blah). I likely disagreed with him.

I guess the teacher understandably felt uncomfortable and incorrectly interpreted our "communication" with each other as a full-blown argument. A few weeks later we received a call from a school psychologist who wanted to come to our home to meet with us! We agreed, assuming there was a serious problem with our son. As it turns out the teacher was so alarmed by our meeting with her that she decided that there was a need for psychologist to meet with us. In the end the psychologist apologized to us and we all had a good laugh.

So.... my thinking is that sometimes it's good for parents to meet with the teacher separately.



Oh wow Arabian. I would've been mortified! Good thing the psychologist saw the humour in it. Well I'd like to avoid something like that so maybe until it's less contentious (if that day comes) I will stick with my own meetings.


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arabian 05-20-2017 10:32 PM

yes it was... I thought of that, interestingly enough, when I was in court with my ex 4 or 5 years ago. He decided that year to self-represent. I will never forget him rambling on and on and on. He kept repeating himself. Meanwhile the judge was going through his paperwork (signing stuff) and would look up every 5 or 6 minutes and say the same thing: "Yes Mr. XXX" "I believe you said that already." Every now and then the judge would add in: "So you don't like Mrs. XXX and you feel you got a real bad deal." My ex would then look at the judge and utter, with a 'road kill' kind of expression: "Uh yeah." My ex didn't know what he was doing. His g/f had prepared all the court documents for him (including his affidavits) so he was totally lost. I am still amazed that the judge let him go on for so long. I recall specifically how long he rambled on for - 28 minutes. Of course his motion was declined. Gong show. As it turned out, the next lawyer he hired wasn't much better.


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