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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 01-13-2006, 12:20 PM
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Unhappy Age And Conditions For Childsupport

IN SHORT: My son is now 19 years old, 20 in May and has only about 60 percent of his highschool credits and as far as I know not registered in school. His mother is trying to get him to register in a highschool program.

MY QUESTIONS; do I need to pay back support? Will I have to pay support for him if he registers at this point? And how long will I have to pay?

MORE INFO: I met and married a woman with a 6 year old child without a father. I adopted my son at the date of marriage. We had another 2 sons and now have 3. After 9 years of marriage we separated and my sons stayed with my x-wife. I started to pay her support according to the provincial guidelines. She worked and did not require spousal support.
Now today at this point we have been separated for 4 years and do not have a separation agreement. Other than pure procastination a reason for delaying the agreement is the living and scholistic situation of my oldest adopted son. All the way through school my oldest son refuses to apply himself and by the time he made it to highschool he refused to do homework and failed 7 out of 8 classes every year. We hired tutors and would register him in summer school but he continued with the same effort. In June after his 16th birthday his mother kicked him out of the house because of his lack of respect for her and the school. He lived with a friend for the summer and I stopped support payments for him. By the beginning of the next school session he moved into my home on the condition he attempt an effort at his education. I adjusted support payments to my wife to allow for him living with me for her to support him. He started with a good effort going to school but then started to give up again. His mother and I both agreed that after his 18th birthday at the end of the school year she no longer had to support him and he should concentrate on working, pay a bit of board and go to night school if he wanted his education.
In August of that summer he lost his job and negotiated with his mom to live with her for the next school year. She then demanded support for him from me. I paid for a few months but when they both would not supply me with documentation on his school activities I stopped support for him.

And now over the last 6 months she is trying to get him into some program to get an education and has hired a lawyer to get back and future child support for him from me. Am I resposible?
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Old 01-18-2006, 08:53 AM
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Cool Age and Conditions when turning 18


We have a similar situation, and are looking for some legal advice as well. My common law husbands son will be turning 18 in June. We have been in a very long battle with his ex for the last 11 years. Yesterday we received a copy of my step son's attendance record since the beginning of the School year. My step son is in Grade 12 and this should be his last year of High School. Our problem is that he has missed 318 classes out of a possible 616 so far this year. And will likley fail the year if he keeps up at this rate. His Mother is well aware of the problem, and does nothing to fix the situation. What we need to know is, if he does fail the year because of his lack of committment and he continues on with his high level of absenteeism would we have to continue with the Child Support when he turns 18.
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Old 01-18-2006, 09:27 AM
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Grace has a spectacular aura aboutGrace has a spectacular aura about

Yes, you will have to continue to pay support until he completes his education, regardless of his lack of effort. The teenage years can be difficult and not all do well in school. Have you considered an alternative high school program?
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Old 01-18-2006, 11:18 AM
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He is actually enrolled in a technical school, He is in a life skills program and at the end of grade 12 will receive a certificate of completion instead of a Ontario High School Diploma. One of my concerns how can his Mother continuing to allow him to miss so much school and not dealing with the issue. She should realize that his education and general well being is far more important then herself (sorry if I should insulting towards her but there are alot of years of bad feeling between all of us parents and step-parents). As the step-parent and my huband not being the custodial parent, it seems that our hands are tied alot of the time. Paying support is not the issue, K "the step son" moved out of his mothers house in June and moved in to his sisters. We had an arrangement with him that as long as he remained in School and completed his HighSchool we would support him. Everything was going well up until October, we were depositing money directley into my step-daughters bank account. She would take money to buy his groceries for him and give him the rest for personal items, clothes, movies , stuff like that my step-daughter and her boyfriend were not charging him rent or making him pay for any part of the household bills. They were both just happy to have him away from her Mother's house, and hoping he could have a fresh start at a new school and get his life back in order. Anyways by the middle of October a letter was sent from his School concerning his lack of attendance. He missed 2 weeks straight. They were worried that if it continued his year would be in jepordy. His Sister confronted him about it, and gave him a choice. Go to School or he would have to leave. Needless to say that night he called his Mother and she came and picked him up right away. He returned home to his Mothers house because she does not pressure him to attend school, and she allows him to hang out in the basement of there house with his friends and smoke marijuana. Our step-daughter also informed us that his mom gave him a pipe of his own to use for smoking it. I likely should not have mentioned some of this considering it's available for all to see. But what else do you do, we contacted our lawyer about it as soon as we found out and he said the police and CAS likely would not do anything considering he will be turning 18 shortley. Our hands are tied again, he will not come and live with us, because he knows we would make him attend school and would not allow any drug use.

Anyways I just don't understand the way some of the laws are set up. There are truly alot of parents out there who deserve support for the children, as well as alot of children out there that are serious about receiving an education and unfortunatley do not receive the support they are intitled to. I just get very frustrated when We no we are paying support to a parent that is not using the money received properly, she's allowing her child to mess up his life, and you have to wonder if it just boils down to her knowing that alowing him to do this intitles her to cash for a longer period of time...

Sorry for venting...and if i offended anyone. Not my intention at all.
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Old 01-18-2006, 03:07 PM
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Angry Hands tied

I am feeling a similar frustration. My x-wife will not set any rules for my 19 year old son. I call my kids to say "Hi" every two days after school around 4pm. The odd time the 19 year old will answer and I will be waking him up. He and his brothers admit to me that he does nothing all day, he stays up all night, many times partying and sleeps all day.

My hands are tied not only with the oldest's discipline but with the influence he has on the younger boys.

I want all my kids to have an education and live well but by giving child support to someone who is not truly supporting them really upsets me. I think by forcing giving support for this 'adult' who is taking advantage is extremely unfair for everyone. I also can't understand how the school system can allow someone to continue to register someone who abuses the system so badly. He is almost 20 years old and has an equivalent of a grade 10 education and the school keeps letting him register AND I am forced to support this cycle.

How long do I have to support him under these circumstances? He'll be in highschool until 25 or even older.
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Old 02-24-2006, 12:00 PM
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Angry How long must we support an adult son

So, I still haven't heard the answer to the question. My son in now 20 and has only completed 50 per cent of his high school. He is coasting on his mother's inability to discipline him and my inability to control anything including financial support. I want my kids to educate themselves but I have my hands tied in my ability to assist.

He refuses to keep a part time job. He has been fired from about 7 jobs, at least 2 of them for stealing. So getting a full time job is definitely out of the question. So he registers at the local public highschool and coasts along, not doing his work and getting up to go to school when he feels like it. And no, the school does not expel him. And now that he is over 18 years of age I have no say in his school decisions.

At his age I was in my third year of college, with a part time job. I paid for my tuition and books and in the summers I worked full-time with an additional part-time job and paying room and board. I have worked my whole life, even at 6 doing small chores on my fathers farm.

I am not only extremely frustrated, I am angry and feeling duped. I have worked my whole life, even at 6 doing small chores on my fathers farm. Now I giving her a third of my take home pay, living in a crappy apartment, in debt from lawyers fees and am driving a 15 year old piece of junk. And my 20 year old son is sleeping half the day and living the party while his two brothers watch. And I can see the changes in them. My fear is that they will follow in there footsteps.

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